(no subject)
She went today. I was on the phone in my car in my driveway and dad gestered me to come into the house. I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomache but then again he wasnt really crying and brooke was on the computer like any other day. he told me she passed and i fell on the floor, I almost passed out but i didnt. i dont believe this. i am in complete denial, i cant take any of this in properly. i dont want to go to her wake. i dont want to see her not breathing but she was hurting too much and she didnt deserve that bullshit fucking disease she had. dad was with her and she wasnt scared to die. i see it now, i always complained that she was too simple and dull but she wasnt afraid of anything, she could handle absolutely anything. i dont remember the last thing i said to her, i dont really even remember the last time i saw her. she was home for about 4 days before she got sent back to the hospital on monday. the last time i really spent with her was saturday morning when i had to wake up at 6 to take care of her. i slept in her bed with her, i helped her wash and get dressed, i got her food and i was proud of myself. i even went as far as telling her i would put on her make up and do her hair but she wasnt feeling well farther into the day. brooke even told me she kept calling for me to help her because i did such a good job but i was at work.
i thought she had longer than a month and a half, i was praying for some kind of stupid miracle.
she died exactly a month after my birthday and 3 days before easter, she loved easter. i hate this
i thought she had longer than a month and a half, i was praying for some kind of stupid miracle.
she died exactly a month after my birthday and 3 days before easter, she loved easter. i hate this