yes, I find it odd too that I update this more frequently
As said before, livejournal comes in when I dont want to post personal stuff on myspace. Myspace is where everyone is and barely anyone is on livejournal so I can post almost anything I want without worrying about getting phone calls from concerned friends that I may or may not have spoken to in a while.
For one, I have no idea when im going to transfer to another school. First semester is always the easiest. Its the only time of the year when im just about ready to get my act together and get work done but somewhere in between winter break I just cant resume my motivation. Ive had every intention to make this semester count, especially since im taking classes that are suppose to lead me into a field I want to be in. But its not happening. I just dont feel like doing anything. If I do my work, I dont work on it for the amount of time im suppose to do it for. In class I put in effort because what else am I suppose to do for 3 hours straight but homework is where I struggle the most. I dont want to be a bum but I just never feel like going to class.
I talked to Emily last night on the phone and she told me what kind of cancer mom has. I love Em, I think shes going to get me drunk on Friday night where we can throw a party in her big old empty house. Its Funny that I have to find out from my cousin and not my own parents. So I learned she has Signet ring cell cancer. Its a very rare form of cancer which is why it took so long for doctors to learn what was wrong. I dont know what its about because websites dont offer much information about it because as said, its not common and doctors dont know as much about it as with other cancers. Great. News keeps coming in and It keeps leading to more dissapointment. Im not going to worry about it, seriously, this kind of stuff doesnt happen to me and my family. Oh and have I mentioned that I love to lie? yeah, it helps make myself feel better. Im at such a low point and I dont know what to do about it. I cant talk to my family because for one, my mom is the only person I would talk to but shes made it clear that she doesnt like talking lately. If I talked to my dad, he would turn it around and say that his life is 20 times worse than mine, like always. Right now my problems dont mean much and I cant just make the family feel worse just because im feeling sad and self destructive.
I hate being alone. It makes me think 4362364375 more than when im in the company of people. I hate waking up to no one around me, im scared, very scared. And I dont want to burden anyone with my problems. I've had so many great people come to me and tell me that if I ever need anything, to not hesitate to call them. Ive gotten this from the people im closest to, to vauge aquiantences. It means a lot to me coming from each and every person but I know that im most likely not going to take up they're offers. No matter what, I feel like im in a different class than everyone around me. I feel like people may be able to relate to me but not actually be able to pinpoint exactly what misery ive been going through. Every one else seems so content and fairly happy. Maybe their not, Im probably just complaining too much.
A lot of times, im not sure what kind of life style I want to lead for the future. I like the idea of having a job im proud of and living in a nice house in a safe, happy town with a big yard with a lot of woods and green grass. Id of course be living with a companion to complete this typical American dream.
You would assume that Id also want to be happily married with children. However, having children has never really appelled to me. Theres a chance that Ill have kids but I dont picture it and ive often wonder if I would ever want to get married. Im not sure if im even the marrying type. I like the idea of it because its such a common thing, almost like you MUST exchange vows at some point during your life but since I was a little kid, I would REALLY think about it and would get really freaked out. I like the idea of being with someone for a long time but I dont necessarlly think you have to go all the way to the alter to make it real. Marriage in America means nothing today. I dont think its really worth it to go the extra mile and feel officially trapped for the rest of your life.
oh man oh man oh man.
For one, I have no idea when im going to transfer to another school. First semester is always the easiest. Its the only time of the year when im just about ready to get my act together and get work done but somewhere in between winter break I just cant resume my motivation. Ive had every intention to make this semester count, especially since im taking classes that are suppose to lead me into a field I want to be in. But its not happening. I just dont feel like doing anything. If I do my work, I dont work on it for the amount of time im suppose to do it for. In class I put in effort because what else am I suppose to do for 3 hours straight but homework is where I struggle the most. I dont want to be a bum but I just never feel like going to class.
I talked to Emily last night on the phone and she told me what kind of cancer mom has. I love Em, I think shes going to get me drunk on Friday night where we can throw a party in her big old empty house. Its Funny that I have to find out from my cousin and not my own parents. So I learned she has Signet ring cell cancer. Its a very rare form of cancer which is why it took so long for doctors to learn what was wrong. I dont know what its about because websites dont offer much information about it because as said, its not common and doctors dont know as much about it as with other cancers. Great. News keeps coming in and It keeps leading to more dissapointment. Im not going to worry about it, seriously, this kind of stuff doesnt happen to me and my family. Oh and have I mentioned that I love to lie? yeah, it helps make myself feel better. Im at such a low point and I dont know what to do about it. I cant talk to my family because for one, my mom is the only person I would talk to but shes made it clear that she doesnt like talking lately. If I talked to my dad, he would turn it around and say that his life is 20 times worse than mine, like always. Right now my problems dont mean much and I cant just make the family feel worse just because im feeling sad and self destructive.
I hate being alone. It makes me think 4362364375 more than when im in the company of people. I hate waking up to no one around me, im scared, very scared. And I dont want to burden anyone with my problems. I've had so many great people come to me and tell me that if I ever need anything, to not hesitate to call them. Ive gotten this from the people im closest to, to vauge aquiantences. It means a lot to me coming from each and every person but I know that im most likely not going to take up they're offers. No matter what, I feel like im in a different class than everyone around me. I feel like people may be able to relate to me but not actually be able to pinpoint exactly what misery ive been going through. Every one else seems so content and fairly happy. Maybe their not, Im probably just complaining too much.
A lot of times, im not sure what kind of life style I want to lead for the future. I like the idea of having a job im proud of and living in a nice house in a safe, happy town with a big yard with a lot of woods and green grass. Id of course be living with a companion to complete this typical American dream.
You would assume that Id also want to be happily married with children. However, having children has never really appelled to me. Theres a chance that Ill have kids but I dont picture it and ive often wonder if I would ever want to get married. Im not sure if im even the marrying type. I like the idea of it because its such a common thing, almost like you MUST exchange vows at some point during your life but since I was a little kid, I would REALLY think about it and would get really freaked out. I like the idea of being with someone for a long time but I dont necessarlly think you have to go all the way to the alter to make it real. Marriage in America means nothing today. I dont think its really worth it to go the extra mile and feel officially trapped for the rest of your life.
oh man oh man oh man.