(no subject)
Its time for a new one :) i've been looking at my old posts forever.
This is unequivocally the result of what has come to pass.
This is the sum of all the memories i have, all the bullshit i've dealt with.
I can remember a time where i was popular, and had many friends. At that time i didn't really realize.
I bitched and moaned about this and that. Not really seeing anything i actually had.
The father i stressed my hatred for so much is dead. Now i wish i had given him more time.
I'm glad we actually connected right before he died. He seemed so clairvoyant, so clear of mind.
He told me to be careful and to take care of myself. I can't say much for taking care of myself.
But i've been careful lol. It seems in this world today all you can do is be careful, or be dead.
Looking at my old posts i remember my emotions, what was going through my head.
If ever i fell, no one caught me. I fell with no resistance no salvation.
Would you ever just take my hand...once? No you wouldn't. And i was stupid to have asked wasn't i?
in fact i believe you took my foot and dragged me through hell and left me w no shoes.
It takes much not to hate you, not to look at what i once believed of you, and what i have come to realize about you, but i think i can pull it off. We all have our flaws after all.
I feel at the all time low of my life...i hope years from now when i look back on this post i don't
think that i should have been more appreciative of what i have now. I have appreciation for what i have now.
My mother, my grandparents, My intellect, a place to live, my experience, and the 2 close friends i have left.
I feel drawn to horrible idea's. Idea's i know would get me absolutely nowhere.
And as usual all the answers to my problems are ready made. Sitting on the runway ready to take off
its just that as usual it seems to take forever. But thanks to an ex of mine i have learned much patience.
I believe i'll just keep myself as isolated as possible for now. Until i am ready to come back out of the shadows. After all as i once said isolation promotes ones understanding of ones self. And an understanding of yourself is essential to your overall sanity. Unfortunately without the interaction of others you lose perspective. I plan to log my thoughts on here and in my personal journal as much as possible, seeing as how i'm sure no one checks this thing anymore lol.
Its hard to understand the volatile loyalties of many.
its even harder to consider that i never once wavered in mine.
But in the end it appears you reap the benefits of only what you invest in yourself.
All other benefits are purely circumstantially given by grace.
So i will try ever so hard to remember all the good times. Even though i can never forget the rest.
I need sleep. Peace be with us all~
This is unequivocally the result of what has come to pass.
This is the sum of all the memories i have, all the bullshit i've dealt with.
I can remember a time where i was popular, and had many friends. At that time i didn't really realize.
I bitched and moaned about this and that. Not really seeing anything i actually had.
The father i stressed my hatred for so much is dead. Now i wish i had given him more time.
I'm glad we actually connected right before he died. He seemed so clairvoyant, so clear of mind.
He told me to be careful and to take care of myself. I can't say much for taking care of myself.
But i've been careful lol. It seems in this world today all you can do is be careful, or be dead.
Looking at my old posts i remember my emotions, what was going through my head.
If ever i fell, no one caught me. I fell with no resistance no salvation.
Would you ever just take my hand...once? No you wouldn't. And i was stupid to have asked wasn't i?
in fact i believe you took my foot and dragged me through hell and left me w no shoes.
It takes much not to hate you, not to look at what i once believed of you, and what i have come to realize about you, but i think i can pull it off. We all have our flaws after all.
I feel at the all time low of my life...i hope years from now when i look back on this post i don't
think that i should have been more appreciative of what i have now. I have appreciation for what i have now.
My mother, my grandparents, My intellect, a place to live, my experience, and the 2 close friends i have left.
I feel drawn to horrible idea's. Idea's i know would get me absolutely nowhere.
And as usual all the answers to my problems are ready made. Sitting on the runway ready to take off
its just that as usual it seems to take forever. But thanks to an ex of mine i have learned much patience.
I believe i'll just keep myself as isolated as possible for now. Until i am ready to come back out of the shadows. After all as i once said isolation promotes ones understanding of ones self. And an understanding of yourself is essential to your overall sanity. Unfortunately without the interaction of others you lose perspective. I plan to log my thoughts on here and in my personal journal as much as possible, seeing as how i'm sure no one checks this thing anymore lol.
Its hard to understand the volatile loyalties of many.
its even harder to consider that i never once wavered in mine.
But in the end it appears you reap the benefits of only what you invest in yourself.
All other benefits are purely circumstantially given by grace.
So i will try ever so hard to remember all the good times. Even though i can never forget the rest.
I need sleep. Peace be with us all~