Mindful March: Rollercoaster of Emotions and Chimp Paradoxes
I heard about The Chimp Paradox today, which sounds like a book that I ought to read sometime.
A lot of it seems to be about our triggers, and what makes us irrationally angry; I have plenty of triggers, and most of them seem to relate to other people - prolonged hard stares are one of the big ones; sometimes it feels like I've just landed off another planet, and makes me uncomfortable. Nowadays, it's people who can't socially distance too.
So, today's mindfulness challenge was tuning into my emotions; I looked up ways to do this, but mostly I just wrote down my feelings at different times. I wish I'd not had to do this on a Tuesday; for some reason, I often seem to find myself most prone to be depressed on Tuesdays, it might be because all the energy I had at the weekend is gone, and it's still a long time until the next weekend; it might be because I seem to get less interaction with colleagues on most Tuesdays.
I wrote down my emotions, but they got bleak; it didn't help that others were cancelling on plans for Friday night, preferring to watch rugby than do an online quiz. I was doing my work but just thinking about how, despite my best efforts, I wasn't getting the opportunity to catch up with my friends, and it was because of their inflexibility.
One website I read suggested that I tune into emotions with creative writing about myself, in the third person - this was my one attempt:
He looked at his messages - everyone flaking out, wanting to watch rugby instead. Almost like they didn't want to chat. It's hard sometimes being alone. He hoped the other planned chat for Friday would go ahead.
I had a walk at lunchtime; now, having a walk is supposed to help you unwind, and about 90% of the time it works for me; occasionally, people will hit my triggers, as they did today, and if my triggers get hit enough times, I'll not be a happy bunny. I came in, and screamed "SCREW YOU WORLD!" (I really was in a "Hulk Smash" type mood).
I've started gradually feeling better this afternoon, and the training course I did, where I learned about the Chimp Paradox, which I immediately applied to myself, helped.
Now, today's happiness challenge was to reach out to others, to let them know that I'm thinking about them. I started texting some friends; I texted the friend who had a sense of humour failure at my banter a few weeks ago; I was reluctant at first, thinking, "Well, he's been getting moody at me".
On my morning walk, I thought about the latest Simpsons episode - at the start, there was a montage of Homer and Marge having to spend their day taking the kids to about five different parties, and looking fed up; it gave me some empathy for my friend, who has constantly indicated that being a good parent is one of his priorities now. Thus, even when he's delayed phone calls (or missed them) for family reasons, I shouldn't get mad at him; besides, wasn't my new year's resolution not to have a harsh view of others.
So, thinking about this Simpsons episode, I thought I should message him, and I got a response - not a long one, but not a grumpy one either.
A few of my other messages were less received, in that I don't think they've been read yet, and it seems that the guys haven't read my messages in ages - one of them likes to go "off grid" for months, and it might be what he is doing, although it does make my imagination run wild, like I imagine a friend has committed suicide, because of how he occasionally came across as a bit unstable. I really shouldn't assume the worst.
I did get a response off another guy, saying that he should call me again; after he started ignoring my calls last year, I wasn't sure if this would happen. I decided to propose a time, just because I am finding it hard to get a completely free evening this week, and hope that he reciprocates.
Then, after thinking at lunchtime that I just couldn't face leaving home again, I went for a nice walk; I felt better, almost panicked when I saw a cycle heading right towards me; I stepped back, and the cyclist smiled and thanked me.
How nice.
Doesn't it make so much better when people are being reasonable, and I don't misunderstand them.
A lot of it seems to be about our triggers, and what makes us irrationally angry; I have plenty of triggers, and most of them seem to relate to other people - prolonged hard stares are one of the big ones; sometimes it feels like I've just landed off another planet, and makes me uncomfortable. Nowadays, it's people who can't socially distance too.
So, today's mindfulness challenge was tuning into my emotions; I looked up ways to do this, but mostly I just wrote down my feelings at different times. I wish I'd not had to do this on a Tuesday; for some reason, I often seem to find myself most prone to be depressed on Tuesdays, it might be because all the energy I had at the weekend is gone, and it's still a long time until the next weekend; it might be because I seem to get less interaction with colleagues on most Tuesdays.
I wrote down my emotions, but they got bleak; it didn't help that others were cancelling on plans for Friday night, preferring to watch rugby than do an online quiz. I was doing my work but just thinking about how, despite my best efforts, I wasn't getting the opportunity to catch up with my friends, and it was because of their inflexibility.
One website I read suggested that I tune into emotions with creative writing about myself, in the third person - this was my one attempt:
He looked at his messages - everyone flaking out, wanting to watch rugby instead. Almost like they didn't want to chat. It's hard sometimes being alone. He hoped the other planned chat for Friday would go ahead.
I had a walk at lunchtime; now, having a walk is supposed to help you unwind, and about 90% of the time it works for me; occasionally, people will hit my triggers, as they did today, and if my triggers get hit enough times, I'll not be a happy bunny. I came in, and screamed "SCREW YOU WORLD!" (I really was in a "Hulk Smash" type mood).
I've started gradually feeling better this afternoon, and the training course I did, where I learned about the Chimp Paradox, which I immediately applied to myself, helped.
Now, today's happiness challenge was to reach out to others, to let them know that I'm thinking about them. I started texting some friends; I texted the friend who had a sense of humour failure at my banter a few weeks ago; I was reluctant at first, thinking, "Well, he's been getting moody at me".
On my morning walk, I thought about the latest Simpsons episode - at the start, there was a montage of Homer and Marge having to spend their day taking the kids to about five different parties, and looking fed up; it gave me some empathy for my friend, who has constantly indicated that being a good parent is one of his priorities now. Thus, even when he's delayed phone calls (or missed them) for family reasons, I shouldn't get mad at him; besides, wasn't my new year's resolution not to have a harsh view of others.
So, thinking about this Simpsons episode, I thought I should message him, and I got a response - not a long one, but not a grumpy one either.
A few of my other messages were less received, in that I don't think they've been read yet, and it seems that the guys haven't read my messages in ages - one of them likes to go "off grid" for months, and it might be what he is doing, although it does make my imagination run wild, like I imagine a friend has committed suicide, because of how he occasionally came across as a bit unstable. I really shouldn't assume the worst.
I did get a response off another guy, saying that he should call me again; after he started ignoring my calls last year, I wasn't sure if this would happen. I decided to propose a time, just because I am finding it hard to get a completely free evening this week, and hope that he reciprocates.
Then, after thinking at lunchtime that I just couldn't face leaving home again, I went for a nice walk; I felt better, almost panicked when I saw a cycle heading right towards me; I stepped back, and the cyclist smiled and thanked me.
How nice.
Doesn't it make so much better when people are being reasonable, and I don't misunderstand them.