Bearly Coping :S
I really dunno what to put here, lotsa things so much so, they make for a TL;DR post or summat, so tis up to you if you wanna read or not & dont blame you if you dont, I dont wear my emotions on my sleeve & am never one to be emo, but dammit Ive jus had enuff of this shit & this spinning rock thing, Ive always been one to say how beautiful life is & all the things that go with it, looking on the bright side & saying things will only seem like a blip when you look back, but after five years of life going down the toilet I am struggling to even heed myself, atm I couldnt give a fuck if I live or die, as to be honest the impact on the world wouldnt be much different either way :S
CFS is a fucking cuntish thing to have, despite all my ongoing attemts to cope with it, Im jus tired of being tired & am becoming maoar fatigued from the run around social security does over this! Its really not helping at all :|
After a thirty minute medical assesment, in which they hardly assesed or properly noted my codition, despite having a ream of copies of medical records for them to take, as per their appointment letter, they did not take & include them, this means my benefit has stopped & Ive had to apply for crisis loan jus to get money for rent, food, hospital appointments, perscriptions & such, tho the latter two they dont cover so Ill have to use food & rent money to pay for them & live off my folks good will again :S
They now claim Im fit for work but cant say what work or actively help me to find any, they say I can get training for stuff, but Im already in that system & even after constant calls for over a year to the places & departments Im still waiting... If youve met or spoken to me youll know Im outgoing & optimistic, with a fairly sensible & cognative head on my shoulders, but whats this worth when it takes hours for you to be able to concentrate on stuff or are only awake for a few hours some days if that & any long or strenuios days repercuss with two days of having no energy & sleeping constantly :S
Those Ive worked for & with in the past & close friends know that Ive always been a damm hard worker, running my own businesses & happily doing six & seven day weeks, with twelve hour days, many times concecutively, I am not work shy & would love to be back in employment earning a decent wage & trying to rebuild the savings I had before this condition got on top of me, but for now Im trying to & would happily settle for jus being able to wake & sleep somewhat normally without feeling like Im constantly recovering from long haul flights :S
Ive so many plans & projects that are on hold, with no immediate vision of getting into or on with any of them, I seem to spend every day Im awake chasing things up on the fone or trying to figure out what I gotta do or try next, that I cant get time to focus on anything I want to or even be creative how I want, its only through saying fuck this shit sometimes, like Im doing now in writing this that anything else happens, tho admittedly the people I need to speak to today are all out of the office *surprise* & TBH Im struggling to concentrate on even the most meanial & basic of tasks today as, after two long days of chasing things up, its 'one of those days' X|
I could go on, but am sure you are no longer reading & I really dont have the energy to vent anymoar, I need to jus close my eyes again & hope I dont wake as TBH it wouldnt change much in the world if I didnt :|
Hopefully tomorow will be a better day... but I doubt it :S
At most I can at least hope that Ill just have enough energy to get back to trying again :|
For once I think even the best hugs aint gonna cut it :(
CFS is a fucking cuntish thing to have, despite all my ongoing attemts to cope with it, Im jus tired of being tired & am becoming maoar fatigued from the run around social security does over this! Its really not helping at all :|
After a thirty minute medical assesment, in which they hardly assesed or properly noted my codition, despite having a ream of copies of medical records for them to take, as per their appointment letter, they did not take & include them, this means my benefit has stopped & Ive had to apply for crisis loan jus to get money for rent, food, hospital appointments, perscriptions & such, tho the latter two they dont cover so Ill have to use food & rent money to pay for them & live off my folks good will again :S
They now claim Im fit for work but cant say what work or actively help me to find any, they say I can get training for stuff, but Im already in that system & even after constant calls for over a year to the places & departments Im still waiting... If youve met or spoken to me youll know Im outgoing & optimistic, with a fairly sensible & cognative head on my shoulders, but whats this worth when it takes hours for you to be able to concentrate on stuff or are only awake for a few hours some days if that & any long or strenuios days repercuss with two days of having no energy & sleeping constantly :S
Those Ive worked for & with in the past & close friends know that Ive always been a damm hard worker, running my own businesses & happily doing six & seven day weeks, with twelve hour days, many times concecutively, I am not work shy & would love to be back in employment earning a decent wage & trying to rebuild the savings I had before this condition got on top of me, but for now Im trying to & would happily settle for jus being able to wake & sleep somewhat normally without feeling like Im constantly recovering from long haul flights :S
Ive so many plans & projects that are on hold, with no immediate vision of getting into or on with any of them, I seem to spend every day Im awake chasing things up on the fone or trying to figure out what I gotta do or try next, that I cant get time to focus on anything I want to or even be creative how I want, its only through saying fuck this shit sometimes, like Im doing now in writing this that anything else happens, tho admittedly the people I need to speak to today are all out of the office *surprise* & TBH Im struggling to concentrate on even the most meanial & basic of tasks today as, after two long days of chasing things up, its 'one of those days' X|
I could go on, but am sure you are no longer reading & I really dont have the energy to vent anymoar, I need to jus close my eyes again & hope I dont wake as TBH it wouldnt change much in the world if I didnt :|
Hopefully tomorow will be a better day... but I doubt it :S
At most I can at least hope that Ill just have enough energy to get back to trying again :|
For once I think even the best hugs aint gonna cut it :(