Comments | gateverse_remix: Yet You Are More Than Traps Or Nets (The Longer and Uncut Remix)

lilyayl in gateverse_remix

Yet You Are More Than Traps Or Nets (The Longer and Uncut Remix)

Jul 01, 2007 23:06

Title: Yet You Are More Than Traps Or Nets (The Longer and Uncut Remix)
Author: LilyAyl
Rating: All
Remixed Story: "He Came to My Hand like the Nesting Dove" by cupidsbow (scroll down)
Warnings/Notes: SGA. Vampire AU. This was written for the gateverse_remix. Thanks to cinaed and doubleL27 for the beta. The title comes from Rilke's Sonnets To Orpheus. Be sure to check the comments for ( Read more... )

Comments 11

cupidsbow July 3 2007, 02:52:38 UTC

I probably should have commented here! I didn't realise it was posted two places. :)

lilyayl July 3 2007, 02:55:23 UTC

No, that's all right! I probably should have put it in just one place, but I was so tired last night when I posted and was not thinking. :)

lilyayl July 4 2007, 20:13:12 UTC

"They can do without you for one evening." Rodney crossed and uncrossed his arms. John slouched against the first door frame leading down to his cellar and glanced back where, through the wall, the Queen's territory laid. The Queen was dead, but the vampires still attacked. Rodney sighed. "I just, at least part of the night? Meet me at the shore. I want to show you something ( ... )

cupidsbow July 5 2007, 01:04:59 UTC

Oh, hey. Their first date! That's so cute, especially Rodney all nervous and crossing his arms. :) Thank you.

Thread 5

raiining July 3 2007, 19:45:47 UTC

oh very - very! - cute. I read the old one (so short! so sarcastic!) and loved that you fleshed it out. (fleshed .. heh .../bad Ty!)

at work, so going to be quick: but very good; loved Rodney; loved Ladon. Would have liked more fighting scenes, but very good. :)

lilyayl July 4 2007, 15:12:19 UTC

Oh, I am glad you liked this. I didn't mean for Ladon to become such a character, but he grew once I decided he'd the one coming from the Genii ( ... )

raiining July 5 2007, 11:16:14 UTC

That's pretty good!

I liked: He was stronger and thanks to Teyla, he was more skilled in single combat, but this was a Queen.

I got a *little* confused in the turn of play: I think a bit more detail in the first 'drinking' would have been good - some description of the breaking skin, rush of warm blood, filing John with strength, etc. Then you could have skimmed over the other times. Because I was like: he's what? :: re-reads :: Oh! So a little more detail would have helped tie it together.

But very well done! heh, action sequences are fun :) Thanks for writing this one!

lilyayl July 5 2007, 21:15:27 UTC

Thank you very much for letting me know how I could do better. :) I'll shall definitely keep that in mind next time I attempt a scene.

dossier July 5 2007, 19:19:13 UTC

I really like the blend of semi-gothic- renaissance-steampunk styles here. Even though we see so little of John until the end, he's already very defined by the opinions that Teyla and Elizabeth have given us. Very interesting!

lilyayl July 7 2007, 00:47:42 UTC

Thank you! Steampunk is a very setting for me and this was really my first attempt at it. I'm glad it worked. Thank you for enjoying the story and reviewing.