Yet You Are More Than Traps Or Nets (The Longer and Uncut Remix)

[lilyayl]

Title: Yet You Are More Than Traps Or Nets (The Longer and Uncut Remix)
Author: LilyAyl
Rating: All
Remixed Story: "He Came to My Hand like the Nesting Dove" by cupidsbow (scroll down)
Warnings/Notes: SGA. Vampire AU. This was written for the gateverse_remix. Thanks to cinaed and doubleL27 for the beta. The title comes from Rilke's Sonnets To Orpheus. Be sure to check the comments for

Comments

[lilyayl]

Oh, I am glad you liked this. I didn't mean for Ladon to become such a character, but he grew once I decided he'd the one coming from the Genii.

*nods* As for more fight scenes, mine turn out rather cheesy normally. But I shall make an attempt...

The Queen was bent over Rodney, her hands stretched and the mouths open wide. John bellowed at her, not really saying anything, just wanting her to stop. Rodney was trembling, obviously terrified. The Rodney he knew blustered through everything, tried to act strong when threatened and complained incessantly when he felt safe. He was not this frozen, scared creature.

The Queen jerked back, hissing at his intrusion. John glared at her, his stance firm. The last time he had faced this Queen, she had forced him to his knees and had commented on his 'delightful subservience.' She would not do so again. Before she could attack Rodney again, John sprinted toward her, shoving his shoulder into her chest, forcing her down.

He managed to get his hand around her neck, just long enough to suck out a small measure of strength. Maybe enough to tip the balance into his favor. He was stronger and thanks to Teyla, he was more skilled in single combat, but this was a Queen.

The Queen pushed him up, throwing him back and into the air. John barely landed on his feet. He was already breathing hard. He could not lose this. He collided with the Queen again. Her nails dragged across his chest and precious blood, strength seeped out. Her teeth closed on his shoulder. John drank more from her back, trying to make up for the strength he was losing. She threw him again, this time he landed on his arm and side.

He would not win this battle by sapping all her strength. Time for a new tactic. He had no fire and sunrise was far off still. He needed to find some way to decapitate. The Queen dropped down onto him, one knee dug into the wound on his chest. "Surrender," she hissed and she pummeled his face. She bit his neck with her hands, but she did not drink. I'll destroy you without having to steal back any of your strength seemed to be her message and John was glad for the pride of the vampires. He wrapped one hand on her calf and drank until the Queen lost her concentration, until he could toss her.

Before she could attack again, John was behind her. He pulled and twisted as though picking a strawberry. When he heard the spine pop, he collapsed. It was over. He had actually won.

Now all that was left to do was to close his eyes and die. He was still bleeding and his chest pulled, the pain thrummed louder as his adrenaline dissipated. Even if he didn't die of his wounds, he could not fight another vampire, not yet. And they would kill him for destroying the Queen.

He was going to die, but the Queen was dead. And Rodney was alive.

[raiining]

That's pretty good!

I liked: He was stronger and thanks to Teyla, he was more skilled in single combat, but this was a Queen.

I got a *little* confused in the turn of play: I think a bit more detail in the first 'drinking' would have been good - some description of the breaking skin, rush of warm blood, filing John with strength, etc. Then you could have skimmed over the other times. Because I was like: he's what? :: re-reads :: Oh! So a little more detail would have helped tie it together.

But very well done! heh, action sequences are fun :) Thanks for writing this one!

[lilyayl]

Thank you very much for letting me know how I could do better. :) I'll shall definitely keep that in mind next time I attempt a scene.