Wow. I still live and breathe.
Holy Hannah!
It's been YEARS since I posted to this thing. I have a vague recollection of declaring that I was going to, in fact, delete this journal. Call me sentimental but I couldn't let it go. And now, I'm glad I didn't follow through. :)
I will admit that I have been on Facebook. Though I'm not what you'd call regular about that either. In fact, I'm really starting to loathe it there. There are days that I simply weep for humanity as I scroll through that newsfeed. The ignorance and arrogance can be staggering at times. Add to that the fact that most of those people over there are what I call "real world" friends or family, and it's downright depressing.
Besides I still crave my online identity, the one I carved out through various fandoms over the years. It's a nice, safe bubble for me to get lost in and not worry about being judged or frowned upon for my thoughts or feelings. I simply don't have that on FB. Because everyone there knows me in real life, in some way or another, and I find myself saying nothing at all for fear of causing drama.
I'm in school again, believe it or not. In fact, I just finished my last day of the summer term this morning. I am going to a local community college for my AAS in Medical Laboratory Technology. Today marks the end of my first full year in the program. One down, one to go. I will graduate at the end of July, 2016 if all goes right and will then rapidly take the ASCP Board Of Certification exam to become a certified Medical Lab Technician (MLT).
It's bittersweet really. I chose this program after my IT career seemed to be dead. Living in a craptastic small community and not being in a situation to move limits your options severely. There just weren't any IT jobs to be had and frankly I had sort of lost my enthusiasm for the field.
And once I sat down and really thought it through, I realized I wanted to be in the medical sciences because I had wanted that when I was young. So, here I am.
It's hell going back to school when you're 40. Yes, I said 40. Turned the big 4-0 last May, much to my dismay. I have actually been in school going back a year prior to being accepted into the program. There were several prerequisites that had be finished and criteria completed to even apply for the program. I am honored I was accepted, especially since there are only 15 students accepted each fall.
But yes, it's hard. We are down to 11 students already. Some are gone because of grades, some for other reasons. We have tests and quizzes at every turn, all comprehensive too. If it's been discussed in some form or other, it's fair game. If you make a final grade below a C in any program course, it's automatic dismissal. If you make below a 85 on any given quiz or lab practical, you owe 4 hours of study time to the instructor. If it happens repeatedly, you are put on academic probation and can eventually be dismissed. There's some sort of statistics that say if you make below an 85 on any given objective, you have a high chance of not passing the BOC exam.
This fall is what has become known to be the "make or break" semester. The attrition rate is kinda high, but if you manage to survive then your chances of graduating and becoming certified are pretty good. There is one lab practical that is a one-shot, have to pass deal. If you fail, you are automatically out of the program. Doesn't matter how good your grades are.
It is for Immunohematology (Blood Bank). You have to type and cross blood for a patient. And yeah, if you screw that up, you kill the patient. For reals. So, I can see why it would get you kicked out on your ass. There's no room for errors on that one.
So far I've taken Fundamentals of Phlebotomy, Urinalysis/Body Fluids, Immunology/Serology, Parasitology, Hematology I, and General Microbiology. Those are all program courses, except for the micro. And prior to those classes I had General Anatomy and Physiology and a few other things.
So far I can draw your blood, look at your pee, smear your blood on a slide and look at it, identify any nasty little critters you may have ingested or come in contact with, and tell you all about how you got sick last week. And I like it!
I've been struggling though. Not with the knowledge. I mean, yeah it's a serious amount of information to take in, but I can do it. No, it's the technical aspect that I'm having issues with.
And I feel stupid for it. I feel way out of my comfort zone with some things. Working with the microscope, fumbling with slides, pipettes, syringes, test tubes, etc. leave me feeling like I'm all thumbs. I know some of it is nerves. Having someone looking over your shoulder doesn't help at all. But it's more than that. I don't feel comfortable with the equipment. I suppose it's because it's so new and foreign to me. I can only hope that with time and practice it gets better.
But I'm not going to let it get me down. I almost did. After this past spring semester. I almost dropped and didn't go to the summer term. I was feeling really down and defeated.
I also have to admit that I've stopped taking my medications for my depression. I am starting to believe that it was part of the problem to begin with. Working in a lab, there is no time to stop. You don't have those extra 5 minutes to fumble with the slides and try to get your mind in gear. Everything is urgent, despite what most people believe of the labs.
And I have been feeling like I'm one step behind. Like I'm just waking up from a nap and can't shake the sleep. I don't know, it's hard to explain.
And no, it was not a good idea to just quit on my own, without any medical guidance, but I've done it. Granted, I am still on Effexor, the undisputed 'crack' of the antidepressant world. That shit is just addictive, physically I mean. There's no 'high' from it or anything. Your body just becomes so dependent on it. I'd get the shakes and headaches and nausea if I missed one single dose, it's that bad.
Of course I know that was probably exacerbated by the fact that I was on such an incredibly high does. 225 mg in the am and 150 mg at night. Yes, you read that right. But I've been on the crap for years and they have just had to steadily increase the dosage over time. And once I reached this dosage, the maximum 'safe' dosage that is, my doctor started adding Abilify. And then she added Wellbutrin. Ugh.
It started off with the Abilify causing issues. I have diabetes now. I'm not a fool though, I know I can't solely blame that medication for developing that disease, but increased blood sugar is a known side effect. My weight, lack of exercise, and poor diet all factor in as well. So, after my fasting glucose and A1C started climbing, my doctor started tapering off on the Abilify.
Funny thing was, I started feeling better. Not so much for the diabetes, but my overall mood. And then all the school stuff started happening and it got me to wondering if maybe there wasn't a connection with the drugs and my performance.
So, here I am, several months later. And I am OFF the Abilify and I am OFF the Wellbutrin and slowly working my way to being OFF the Effexor (Down to 150 mg per day now) and I feel better!
My mind is sharper and I can focus better. My mood is not drastically improved, but my mood has not declined in any way and I'm certainly not depressed. Even as I struggled with the concept of dropping out of school, I wasn't what you'd call depressed. Stressed, for sure, but not down in the dumps, oh my god I wanna die kind of depressed.
I handled myself a lot better with the microscope during Hematology this summer session as well. Was able to make the slides and prep them and view them without a lot of issues. Of course some of that is just practice, I'm sure. And getting used to operating the controls and such.
I am cautiously optimistic at this point in regards to my mental well-being. I've been on medications for depression over half of my life, since I was a teenager. Call it a whacked out experiment if you want, but I am genuinely curious about what kind of person I might be like without the stuff.
Going through life with your head in a fog is not what I call living. Granted, I have a begrudging respect for the medicine. I understand it's purpose and I know, without a doubt, that I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for the stuff. And I don't give any illusions to the fact that I have a biological, chemical imbalance in my brain.
Truth be told, I am pretty sure I was born with it, despite the fact that I wasn't diagnosed until a teen. I was always different. I don't know any other way to explain it.
Okay, wow. I just rambled on for days.
So what else is new with me. Hmmm. Well, school has been pretty much it. I haven't done much of anything except study or watch TV.
I have found some new shows (or new to me) to drown myself in. I'm totally into the new Hawaii 5-0 now. *Points to icon* If anyone had ever told me I'd be watching that show a year ago I would have laughed at them. I blame Craig for it. He was a casual viewer for the first few seasons and then started avidly watching on Netflix to catch up. So I'd be in the room or bored and catch myself watching. It didn't take long after that and I started getting hooked.
Now I'm completely taken in by it. Love the bromance, the carguments, the beautiful scenery (that's Oahu AND Alex O'Loughlin and Scott Caan, thank you very much!) and team love it has.
It's funny though, because I have read a few things here and there on the interweb and seen comments that lots of SGA fans have drifted towards this fandom. Kinda thought that was interesting. Don't know if any of you guys watch or not, but Aloha! if you do. And if you know of any particular comms or places to find fellow H50 fans, please speak up. :)
I'm still hanging in with Supernatural as well. *sighs* I have almost given up on that show so many times it's not funny. Truly, they jumped the shark with the whole Leviathan storyline, imo. Last season was better though and the finale was pretty good, so we shall see.
Also got into Bones a couple of years back. I'm not diehard about that one, but I do make a point to watch. Don't see myself getting into the fandom though. Same can be said for NCIS (the original. Don't care for LA or New Orleans)
Anxiously awaiting this Sunday for Falling Skies to start back. Kinda sad it will be the final season, but I appreciate a show that has a definitive storyline and knows when to stop. *coughs* Supernatural *coughs* *BG*
And no, I'm not into The Walking Dead or Game Of Thrones. Sorry. For those of you who love them, I raise my glass in appreciation but it ends there. The Walking Dead I just couldn't stomach and I've heard enough spoilers and heartbreak about Game Of Thrones to know I don't think my heart could take that kind beating.
So that's all for now. I'm planning on settling back in here on LJ. I just repaid my account and need to work on a new layout and header and such. Of course I haven't a clue how the coding works on here anymore. Bwah!
I hope everyone here is well and I know I've been gone so long but I never forgot you guys, honest!
Love and Peace!
It's been YEARS since I posted to this thing. I have a vague recollection of declaring that I was going to, in fact, delete this journal. Call me sentimental but I couldn't let it go. And now, I'm glad I didn't follow through. :)
I will admit that I have been on Facebook. Though I'm not what you'd call regular about that either. In fact, I'm really starting to loathe it there. There are days that I simply weep for humanity as I scroll through that newsfeed. The ignorance and arrogance can be staggering at times. Add to that the fact that most of those people over there are what I call "real world" friends or family, and it's downright depressing.
Besides I still crave my online identity, the one I carved out through various fandoms over the years. It's a nice, safe bubble for me to get lost in and not worry about being judged or frowned upon for my thoughts or feelings. I simply don't have that on FB. Because everyone there knows me in real life, in some way or another, and I find myself saying nothing at all for fear of causing drama.
I'm in school again, believe it or not. In fact, I just finished my last day of the summer term this morning. I am going to a local community college for my AAS in Medical Laboratory Technology. Today marks the end of my first full year in the program. One down, one to go. I will graduate at the end of July, 2016 if all goes right and will then rapidly take the ASCP Board Of Certification exam to become a certified Medical Lab Technician (MLT).
It's bittersweet really. I chose this program after my IT career seemed to be dead. Living in a craptastic small community and not being in a situation to move limits your options severely. There just weren't any IT jobs to be had and frankly I had sort of lost my enthusiasm for the field.
And once I sat down and really thought it through, I realized I wanted to be in the medical sciences because I had wanted that when I was young. So, here I am.
It's hell going back to school when you're 40. Yes, I said 40. Turned the big 4-0 last May, much to my dismay. I have actually been in school going back a year prior to being accepted into the program. There were several prerequisites that had be finished and criteria completed to even apply for the program. I am honored I was accepted, especially since there are only 15 students accepted each fall.
But yes, it's hard. We are down to 11 students already. Some are gone because of grades, some for other reasons. We have tests and quizzes at every turn, all comprehensive too. If it's been discussed in some form or other, it's fair game. If you make a final grade below a C in any program course, it's automatic dismissal. If you make below a 85 on any given quiz or lab practical, you owe 4 hours of study time to the instructor. If it happens repeatedly, you are put on academic probation and can eventually be dismissed. There's some sort of statistics that say if you make below an 85 on any given objective, you have a high chance of not passing the BOC exam.
This fall is what has become known to be the "make or break" semester. The attrition rate is kinda high, but if you manage to survive then your chances of graduating and becoming certified are pretty good. There is one lab practical that is a one-shot, have to pass deal. If you fail, you are automatically out of the program. Doesn't matter how good your grades are.
It is for Immunohematology (Blood Bank). You have to type and cross blood for a patient. And yeah, if you screw that up, you kill the patient. For reals. So, I can see why it would get you kicked out on your ass. There's no room for errors on that one.
So far I've taken Fundamentals of Phlebotomy, Urinalysis/Body Fluids, Immunology/Serology, Parasitology, Hematology I, and General Microbiology. Those are all program courses, except for the micro. And prior to those classes I had General Anatomy and Physiology and a few other things.
So far I can draw your blood, look at your pee, smear your blood on a slide and look at it, identify any nasty little critters you may have ingested or come in contact with, and tell you all about how you got sick last week. And I like it!
I've been struggling though. Not with the knowledge. I mean, yeah it's a serious amount of information to take in, but I can do it. No, it's the technical aspect that I'm having issues with.
And I feel stupid for it. I feel way out of my comfort zone with some things. Working with the microscope, fumbling with slides, pipettes, syringes, test tubes, etc. leave me feeling like I'm all thumbs. I know some of it is nerves. Having someone looking over your shoulder doesn't help at all. But it's more than that. I don't feel comfortable with the equipment. I suppose it's because it's so new and foreign to me. I can only hope that with time and practice it gets better.
But I'm not going to let it get me down. I almost did. After this past spring semester. I almost dropped and didn't go to the summer term. I was feeling really down and defeated.
I also have to admit that I've stopped taking my medications for my depression. I am starting to believe that it was part of the problem to begin with. Working in a lab, there is no time to stop. You don't have those extra 5 minutes to fumble with the slides and try to get your mind in gear. Everything is urgent, despite what most people believe of the labs.
And I have been feeling like I'm one step behind. Like I'm just waking up from a nap and can't shake the sleep. I don't know, it's hard to explain.
And no, it was not a good idea to just quit on my own, without any medical guidance, but I've done it. Granted, I am still on Effexor, the undisputed 'crack' of the antidepressant world. That shit is just addictive, physically I mean. There's no 'high' from it or anything. Your body just becomes so dependent on it. I'd get the shakes and headaches and nausea if I missed one single dose, it's that bad.
Of course I know that was probably exacerbated by the fact that I was on such an incredibly high does. 225 mg in the am and 150 mg at night. Yes, you read that right. But I've been on the crap for years and they have just had to steadily increase the dosage over time. And once I reached this dosage, the maximum 'safe' dosage that is, my doctor started adding Abilify. And then she added Wellbutrin. Ugh.
It started off with the Abilify causing issues. I have diabetes now. I'm not a fool though, I know I can't solely blame that medication for developing that disease, but increased blood sugar is a known side effect. My weight, lack of exercise, and poor diet all factor in as well. So, after my fasting glucose and A1C started climbing, my doctor started tapering off on the Abilify.
Funny thing was, I started feeling better. Not so much for the diabetes, but my overall mood. And then all the school stuff started happening and it got me to wondering if maybe there wasn't a connection with the drugs and my performance.
So, here I am, several months later. And I am OFF the Abilify and I am OFF the Wellbutrin and slowly working my way to being OFF the Effexor (Down to 150 mg per day now) and I feel better!
My mind is sharper and I can focus better. My mood is not drastically improved, but my mood has not declined in any way and I'm certainly not depressed. Even as I struggled with the concept of dropping out of school, I wasn't what you'd call depressed. Stressed, for sure, but not down in the dumps, oh my god I wanna die kind of depressed.
I handled myself a lot better with the microscope during Hematology this summer session as well. Was able to make the slides and prep them and view them without a lot of issues. Of course some of that is just practice, I'm sure. And getting used to operating the controls and such.
I am cautiously optimistic at this point in regards to my mental well-being. I've been on medications for depression over half of my life, since I was a teenager. Call it a whacked out experiment if you want, but I am genuinely curious about what kind of person I might be like without the stuff.
Going through life with your head in a fog is not what I call living. Granted, I have a begrudging respect for the medicine. I understand it's purpose and I know, without a doubt, that I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for the stuff. And I don't give any illusions to the fact that I have a biological, chemical imbalance in my brain.
Truth be told, I am pretty sure I was born with it, despite the fact that I wasn't diagnosed until a teen. I was always different. I don't know any other way to explain it.
Okay, wow. I just rambled on for days.
So what else is new with me. Hmmm. Well, school has been pretty much it. I haven't done much of anything except study or watch TV.
I have found some new shows (or new to me) to drown myself in. I'm totally into the new Hawaii 5-0 now. *Points to icon* If anyone had ever told me I'd be watching that show a year ago I would have laughed at them. I blame Craig for it. He was a casual viewer for the first few seasons and then started avidly watching on Netflix to catch up. So I'd be in the room or bored and catch myself watching. It didn't take long after that and I started getting hooked.
Now I'm completely taken in by it. Love the bromance, the carguments, the beautiful scenery (that's Oahu AND Alex O'Loughlin and Scott Caan, thank you very much!) and team love it has.
It's funny though, because I have read a few things here and there on the interweb and seen comments that lots of SGA fans have drifted towards this fandom. Kinda thought that was interesting. Don't know if any of you guys watch or not, but Aloha! if you do. And if you know of any particular comms or places to find fellow H50 fans, please speak up. :)
I'm still hanging in with Supernatural as well. *sighs* I have almost given up on that show so many times it's not funny. Truly, they jumped the shark with the whole Leviathan storyline, imo. Last season was better though and the finale was pretty good, so we shall see.
Also got into Bones a couple of years back. I'm not diehard about that one, but I do make a point to watch. Don't see myself getting into the fandom though. Same can be said for NCIS (the original. Don't care for LA or New Orleans)
Anxiously awaiting this Sunday for Falling Skies to start back. Kinda sad it will be the final season, but I appreciate a show that has a definitive storyline and knows when to stop. *coughs* Supernatural *coughs* *BG*
And no, I'm not into The Walking Dead or Game Of Thrones. Sorry. For those of you who love them, I raise my glass in appreciation but it ends there. The Walking Dead I just couldn't stomach and I've heard enough spoilers and heartbreak about Game Of Thrones to know I don't think my heart could take that kind beating.
So that's all for now. I'm planning on settling back in here on LJ. I just repaid my account and need to work on a new layout and header and such. Of course I haven't a clue how the coding works on here anymore. Bwah!
I hope everyone here is well and I know I've been gone so long but I never forgot you guys, honest!
Love and Peace!