(no subject)
WHO: Kitty, Milfeulle
WHEN: 11/25/06
WHERE: Mars
WHAT: What was supposed to be a nice little outing Mars becomes... er.. indescribable.
WATCH FOR: Psycho holograms and a cameo by Captain Time and the 320 pirates
Milfeulle Sakuraba waves a hand to the sky as Flea disappears, turning into a bat and flying off, and doesn't seem to regard anything particularly odd about it. "Goodbye Miss Flea! Nice to meet you!" It comes from living in a spacefaring culture, one might guess. "That was nice! Now when I go back I can report a successful First Contact with a new civilization, who can shapechange and appreciate the art of pastry-cooking. That means they're really advanced! I wonder what kind of superior recipes they have...."
She swings from side to side, hands clasped beneath her chin, lost in her blissful reverie for a moment, before she blinks out of it, and looks around. "Oh!" she reminds herself. "That other nice girl went to go repair the ship. I should see if she's okay!" She turns around and heads for the ship's interior.
Meanwhile! The ship's illuminated panels and flashing lights flash and beep with no apparent order or regularity, except when they do. Really, it's just chaotic, and the architecture of the engine housings and drive columns aren't entirely symmetrical, even though the ship is symmetrical on the outside. However, as Kitty says the word 'Tools' out loud, a panel slides out of the wall, showing a large red button with a band-aid icon inscribed over it. Or at least it looks like a band-aid. It's got two adhesive sides and a pad, and a cute little Hello Kitty! drawing on top of it.
Er - -superior recipes? Nah, what could possibly be superior to the cooking skills of Milfie? Don't answer that. Lockheed had been in the procees of nosing about for said tools when that panel slides out. The 'cat' jumps back in surprise, and Kitty's attention swivels to the disturbance. ".... Voice activated.." That. Is beyond awesome. She glances at Lockheed, grinning, "You have to admit - that was cool." And it's got a Hello Kitty thingie on it. "What in the world is this..?" Well it has to be the tool panel anyway, so Kitty heads on over to investigate and remove whatever she finds. After a moment's thought, Kitty casts a glance at Lockheed, then around the room, ".. I wonder if the ship can run a diagnostic on itself in this condition." That'd certainly narrow down what got fried. Lockheed yawns pointedly and pads over towards the door.
"Don't go far, Lockheed." Kitty cautions the animal, only to be surprised when the calico comes bolting back to claim his perch on her shoulder. "What th-OH." Someone must be coming. Right then.
Milfeulle Sakuraba pokes her head in the engine room, waving cheerfully to Kitty. "Hi there!" she says, and amazingly, she has a tray of cupcakes with her. "I whipped these up on the way here, to give you energy while you work. Have you repaired the ship yet? Wah, my poor Lucky Star, I really abuse him sometimes...."
At that point, she notices the open panel. "Oh, hey, what's that?" she asks, and without any further statement on the subject she walks over and presses the button with two fingers. *POIK*
At that moment, right in front of Kitty and Lockheed, appears a male figure in a uniform quite distinct from Milfeulle's. "Greetings!" it informs the room, before it's face turns to Kitty and Lockheed, who happen to be right in front of it. "I am the Emergency Holographic Angel Frame Repair Interface System. Please state the nature of your engineering emergency. Oh and don't forget to try HONEY-POPS!" He holds up what appears to be a flat lollipop with a yellow wrapper. "Full of honey goodness! Proud sponsors of the Emergency Holographic Angel Frame Repair Interface System. Would you like to purchase a - HONEY-POP - right now? Just say 'Buy Honey-Pop' and tell me your credit card number, and the ship's onboard dispensary will distribute them immediately, in any quantity you desire! 5 Galas each. No discounts. Yes, it's JUST that easy!"
Milfeulle is drooling. "A honey lollipop! That sounds SOOOO tasty..." Any repairs have of course been completely forgotten.
Kitty Pryde glances up when Milfie pops in, smiling a greeting, "Hey - no, not yet; I have to check and see just how extensive the damage is, and then there's the tools. This?" She glances at the panel, "I don't know, I -"
*POIK*
Kitty is left speechless in first surprise, and then confusion when the holoman appears. "Some how I am /SO/ glad Tina is not here right now." She takes a step backwards, "Angel Frame Repair Interface System? Awesome. I need-.. honey pops?" Blinkblink.
"Wait, no, no no," she waves a hand -b esides, she's got those cupcakes Milfie just baked! "I need a diagnostic on the engine - a full system scan may be necessary so we can isolate what's failing." It could be an overheated power cell, or a crack somewhere.
~I believe cupcakes were mentioned.~ Lockheed purrs, curling his tail around Kitty's neck.
~Don't worry, you'll get a cupcake, you great tubby beast.~ Kitty grins.
...
"Why do you have an advertisement for candy on your repair system?" Kitty asks of Milfie. Is that how the ship is paid? Via popups?
The builders of the Lucky Star (unit GA-001) obviously intended the system to be as user-friendly as possible. "You need - honey pops!" happily announces the emergency holographic interface man. "Very good! Purchase of honey-pops confirmed. "Please, designate a quantity and your credit card number. Once that is complete, we can take care of your engine diagnostic. All engine diagnostics are of course brought to you by Allied Ajax Candy Distribution Centers, your home for the world-famous Honey-Pop!"
Meanwhile Milfeulle turns from drooling at the thought of a honey lollipop toward Kitty, blinking her eyes. "You mean," she murmurs, tilting her head and leaning closer at Kitty. "YOU didn't bring him? I thought he was yours! You mean my Lucky Star is, is, is, is HAUNTED?" She starts shaking so badly her cupcake pan visibly quivers as she runs to hide behind Kitty. "Wah, I'm scared! Here, give him a cupcake, maybe he'll go away! I have plenty for everyone!"
The user-friendly interface man's image flickers and there's a beep. "You want - PLENTY - of honey-pops, for everyone! That's a great decision. Now please enter your credit card number and there will be Honey-Pops for all! Emergency Holographic Credit Card Interface is provided by Al's Hovertrucking, number one groundside shipping service for the world-famous Honey-Pop! You need some trucking? Then you need Al, he's a honey of a trucker! ... The honiest he can be, at any rate, while still being quite manly. The manliest trucker ever! Honestly! Don't sue us!"
ACK! She didn't mean to purchase! "HEY Hey hold on sailor! I didn't say I wanted to buy your honey pops!" Eeping softly when Milfie hides behind her, Kitty looks over her shoulder, "Hey, don't use me as a shield." Why is she always the shield for types like these? :/ SIGH. "No, it's not mine; and he's not a ghost. It seems to be a function built into your spaceship. You really didn't know about it?"
Lockheed meanwhile, is /snickering/.
"Wait what?" Kitty looks back at the holoman, and holds up both hands, fingers splayed, "Stop that! We're not going to traffick in your stickey sweet sin candy okay? I want to see your super --" She stops short. "WHY am I arguing with a hologram."
Milfeulle Sakuraba quickly answers Kitty's question without thinking, while she bravely cowers behind Kitty. "Holograms are designed to be human, so they're pleasant and un-threatening and seem like they can be reasoned with." She hangs her head a little, grinning. "And for your other question, my Lucky Star is built from a Lost Technology! It is a relic from before the Chrono Quake, which made all manmade objects in outer space vanish completely, but left planets untouched. So nobody knows how it works. Ha ha, that's great! They enjoyed tasty treats thousands of years ago, just like we do!"
Meanwhile, the hologram keeps smiling vacuously. "'I didn't say I wanted to buy your honey pops' doesn't mean you said you DIDN'T want to buy our honey pops! And who wouldn't want to buy a whole bunch of tasty Honey-Pops? The sugary sweet taste of honey. Fun for the whole family! Use it to distract oncoming bears. Catch friendly honey-bees for fun and exploitation! Use it as a temporary industrial sealant for engine joints. There's nothing you can't do with Honey-Pops! This message was sponsored in part by Jim's House of Industrial Sealants, when you want something industrially sealed! Seal the deal, with Jim's!"
"Really.." Kitty muses softly. "I know that holograms are designed to be human and all that, but this -" she points at the hologram smiling vacuously at them, "Is getting downright abusive!" She taps her finger against her arm, "So this place where the relics got unearthed - is that still around?" No Kitty; BAD BAD IDea. ANd.. then the hologram has to continue.
"Come again?" Kitty glances at the hologram, "Ye--bu-wha? NO no no! Listen carefully," She draws breath, "We do NOT want Honey Pops. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Niet. Understand?" All she wanted was a simple diagnostic! ;O; She doesn't even have..whatever it took for currency for these stupid honey pops. ;.;
Milfeulle Sakuraba nods her head at the hologram, backing up Kitty's unequivocal negative declaration upon the subject of Honey Pops. "Yeah!" she says. "You shouldn't push sugary sweets on people. Treats are meant to be enjoyed, with happiness and love, in the company of friends! You want to impose your, your pre-packaged artificially sweetened candy-coated order on the rest of us, and that's ... that's just mean! You're really mean! Bad hologram! BAD! That's a no-no! Thbbbbbbt!" She sticks out her tongue at the Honey-Pop man.
The subject now apparently settled, she giggles to herself and then turns to Kitty. "Lost Technology? Place? Oh, no, you don't understand." She grins. "Lost Technology is scattered ALL OVER THE GALAXY. That's what the Galaxy Angels do. We go out and find Lost Technology, and we bring it back so we can use it to make life on Transbaal better. But most of it's still just lying around somewhere. In lots and lots of places. Where anyone can pick it up. Sometimes in plain sight." She smiles quite innocently, apparently unaware of the rather specifically imperative nature of her last few added comments, as if she was sweetening some kind of deal for Kitty.
Of course at that point the hologram man has suddenly appeared right at Kitty and Milfeulle's side, and coughs theatrically twice into his hand. Milfeulle YEEs and jumps back a few steps. "Very good, customers! Credit card number 'None, Zero, Zilch, Nada, Niet' - 0, 0, 0, 0, 0 - succesfully entered. I admit, you had me worried for a moment that you wouldn't have money to pay, and nobody wants that, do they! Ha ha ha, of course not. Now then - plenty of Honey Pops - for all!" Suddenly, a metal dispensing unit erupts from the wall right above the button, slides open a lid, and Honey Pops - little square lollipops with plastic wrappers - start erupting from it. But upon closer inspection, one might notice that each of these honeypops is NOT freshly manufactured. In fact they're TWO THOUSAND YEARS OLD, waiting in a vending machine all this time. "Vend, my honey pops," says the hologram, raising his arms in beatific happiness. "VE~EEEND!"
Believe it or not, Kitty nods agreement with Milfie's assessment. "RIGHT! You candy pusher! Jeez! Just get to that diagnostic already!" Hmf. Turning slighty away, she focuses her attention on Milfeulle. Blue eyes widen ever so slightly, "No kidding? Just lying all over the galaxy?" If Kitty wasn't an X-Man, she'd probably be looking for the lost technology, just for curiosities sake. Probably. Swetening a deal? Nah, not cute little Milfie!?
"OI!" Kitty yelps in surprise when the hologram appears next to her and Milfeulle. Lockheed hisses and swipes a paw at the hologram, ineffectively. "Wha..? That's not my credit card -- what are you DOING you stupid thing!" AUGH! Pops! More pops than she can care to even think of eating and..ew! Lockheed jumps down from her shoulder to inspect one of the pops, finally batting at one and glancing at Kitty and Milfie, "MYAaaao." These treats are not fit for human or dragon/cat consumption!
The holographic gentleman turns to face the camera. "Ladies and gentlemen, all vending services are provided by Sur-U-Vend of Alpha Centauri. Your home for all your aggressive vending needs. Sur-U-Vend! Home of the Hard Sell! When just sitting in a case looking tasty just isn't enough." With a bow, he disappears.
The vending machine spews ancient Honey Pop after ancient Honey Pop, each one valuable enough from an archaeological perspective for any graduate student worth his salt to gladly mortgage his eye-teeth. To say the wrapper had fused with the candy completely would be a gross understatement. However, there's starting to be rather a pile of them. And it's growing. Continuously. "Uh, uh," says Milfeulle worriedly, noting Lockheed's reaction, and turning her head from side to side. "I don't know what to do! I never thought I'd ever be afraid of too much candy before!" She's now ankle-deep in honey pops. Lifting her foot, she starts to back away worriedly. "Maybe there's an off switch!" She runs over to the instrument panel, looking for more buttons. There aren't any. She pounds the wall. "Stop please!" she says. "There's too many honey pops!" The level of honey-pops is now thigh-deep. Careful Lockheed!
Milfeulle Sakuraba sobs, "And you promised us an engine diagna-whatever!" ;o;
"Oh yeah," says the hologram, reappearing momentarily. He looks around. Then looks back at Milfeulle. "It's broken." At which point he disappears again.
He just disappeared. With the CRAPPIEST diagnostic she's EVER heard. "YOU BASTARD! I'LL SEE YOU DECOMPILED FOR THIS!" Kitty shouts after the vanishing image.
A distressed yowl from Lockheed gets Kitty's attention, and she quickly reaches into the rising pile of candy to pull the critter up. "Poor baby, I'm sorry -- here, can you hold him for a second?" Kitty offers the surprisingly heavy kitty to the girl. She'll off switch the system all right - but it'll take longer to make repairs. At least they won't drown in crappy candy though! "Check over there," Kitty points opposite her - that way Kitty can see if her phasing can short out the system and stop the flood of expired honey treats.
Milfeulle Sakuraba takes the kitty in her arms and grins. "Hi there, Kitty-san," she says, holding up Lockheed and looking him in the eye. Unaware that she's also called Lockheed by Kitty's name, as she has yet to learn what Kitty Pryde's name is. "I'm Milfeulle! I'm sorry I got you and your friend into this miss. It seems like this kind of thing is always happening to me." She holds Lockheed in her arms and looks for high ground while Kitty phases.
Interestingly enough, what Kitty finds when she phases through the wall, is that the Honey Pop vending machine is actually a separate unit from the rest of the ship. It seems, rather curiously, to have been installed later - perhaps by corporate partners of military industrial contractors - and draws its power directly from the ship itself. The power to store all those Honey Pops in a pocket dimension is considerable, and the machine is actually drawing power from the ship itself through invasive power couplings. Why it suddenly switched on is a mystery. Perhaps it got jarred from the recent impact with the ground.
In many ways, it's like a parasite. A mechanical parasite. Unfortunately, it's built like one too, and there's no visible off-switch, and reinforced and shielded internal workings, but the power couplings attaching it to the ship don't look so secure that they can't get dislodged by a good strong yank.
Meanwhile, Milfeulle keeps climbing onto mountains of Honey Pops. "I wonder who has the credit card number of 0000," she says. "I hope he's not mad!"
Kitty Pryde blanches. "What?" Kitty-san? How did she know her name? Kitty glances towards the girl, bewildered. "Oh don't worry about it, Lockheed and I are used to weird things happening." Wait - was she talking to her or to the 'cat'? Nevermind. On phasing, the discovery is surprising indeed! Phasing directly into the system would definitely be a bad idea; she didn't want to kill the ship and leave it dead for the weeks it'd take her to bring everything online again.
Well. Almost everything. That holoman had to GO.
"There's no END to the damn things," Kitty comments from behind a waist high pile of candy. "But I think I see the problem!" Fortunately, Kitty can't be seen by now, considering she's half phased through the vending machine. Doubly good that she has rubber gloves, or she would give herself a nasty shock when she pulled the power couplines. "Heave--" She YANKS backwards.
Meanwhile, at a particularly upscale restuarant, a young man and his date are just finishing up a rather expensive dish; caviar more than likely. Heading up to the cashier, he hands over his credit card and continues chatting up his date for the evening. Perhaps hoping to get lucky later - unfortunately, his luck seriously SUCKS when the cashier runs the card through, then hands it back and informs him that it was overdrawn by several thousand dollars.
"WHAT?"
"There's a charge of over five hundred honey pops, sir." The cashier tells him.
"Pookie, can't you pay the bill?"
"Of COURSE I can pay th-HEy is that Elvis?" The man points.
His date and the cashier look at the same time, and when they turn around again, the man is gone, the bell over the door chimes, and there is the screech of tires against the street.
His date stares, slack-jawed. "Son of a b-"
Kitty tumbles back once she's yanked the power couplings out. "Oof!"
In fact, in several locations throughout the galaxy, dozens of people suddenly discover that their cards are overdrawn. The machine is apparently withdrawing from numerous accounts, as, being in another plane, it can't get a precise fix on native credit cards. So, being user-friendly and adaptable as it is, it's simply gigging ALL of them, for the honey-pop charges.
Including one that's quite familiar. Far across the space/time continuum, onboard the fiercest space pirate ship in all the galaxy, Space Captain Justin Time of the 320 Space Pirates chortles at his good fortune. "Yo ho ho, maties!" he announces through the ship's PA system. "We have just scored the greatest treasure of them all. A good credit rating! And we've been approved for a SPACE VISA!"
Cheers erupt across the ship as the Captain raises his Space Visa high in the air. Space First Mate Supi turns to the command chair and gasps. "Great Scott, Captain! A good credit rating is worth its weight in gold!"
Ship's Surgeon Doctor Lezard Valeth (no relation to the Valkyrie Profile character) rubs his chin pensively. "I don't know... credit isn't something you abuse. We must be cautious!"
Space Navigator Syn clenches her fists and cackles fiendishly. "Woo hoo hoo! Let's buy Karaoke Counter-Counter-Counter-Counter-Revolution with the complete four-piece rock band controller for the Playstation 509!"
"I say we test it first," says Captain Justin. "Let's buy SPACE PIZZAS, for all the crew!"
"An excellent idea, Captain!" says Space First Mate Supi, who is a shameless suckup. "With Extra Space Cheese and Space Sausage!"
"All hands, prepare for spicy toppings!" calls out Space Bosun Pinkfrog!
Captain Time punches in the numbers for the Space Pizza Hut. "I'd like 320 Space Pizzas! With the works! My credit card number is ..." Dramatic pause. "0-0-0-0-0!"
"One moment please," says the voice on the other end. There's a long silence as the crew look at each other excitedly. The wonders of credit! Until ...
"Attention, 320 nitwits!" says a new voice on the other end of the line. "This is SPACE OFFICER FLAMEDRAGON!" A gasp goes up throughout the ship at the familiar voice, not to mention name. "Your credit card account is overdrawn by FIFTY JILLION SPACE BUCKS! I have orders to impound your ship and all your worldly possessions! HEAVE TO AND PREPARE TO BE POOR! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Captain Time bitterly slams his fist on the command chair. "Credit has betrayed us! I knew we couldn't trust the system. It's back to space piracy for the 320 Pirates! Run away, run away! Eat my dust, Flammy!" The Odango Atama flees at flank speed, pursued by a gazillion space police cars.
Meanwhile, Milfeulle gasps as Kitty falls to the ground, running over. "Are you alright? What did you do? That was so brave! I don't even know you and you're saving my life!" Her lower lip trembles a bit, but she has little time for sentimentality as, denied of it's power, an entire section of the wall collapses outward as the Honey Pop Vend-O-Matic, copyright 50000 SY (space year), waving it's detached power couplings like tentacles, advances on the two of them. "HONEY POPPPPPS!" it roars, the hologram man's face in a screen at it's center. "EAT TASTY SWEETS ALL DAY AND NIGHT! GRARRR!"
Milfeulle grabs Kitty and Lockheed and whimpers. "I admire what he's saying!" she whimpers. "Just not the way he's saying it...." ;o;
However, on the upside, now that the parasite is no longer sucking power from the ship, the Lucky Star is starting to power up with a visible electronic hum, rising in pitch.
"I'm okay!" Kitty gives the girl a quick grin, reassuring Lockheed in the same gesture. "I pulled the power couplers for that vending machine of hell. Should be all ..stopped..." She pauses as an ODD expression comes across her face. "..... I have the sudden desire to feel very smug and laugh about something, but I'm not quite sure what it is." She eyes Milfie, "Ever have one of those moments?" But! Before the girl can respond, the hologram appears again, in the vending machine. "SHUT. UP! I will dismantle and decompile you and use you for spare parts in .. in.. iN A TOASTER." Which in retrospect, would be a bad idea. Then the hologram would start coaxing people to eat toast all day. But when the detached couplings start waving in a decidedly dangerous way, Kitty scrambles to her feet, "Do you have a blunt instrument handy?" She'll beat that thing into submission if she has to! Nevermind it's someone else's property, it's clearly evil!
Milfeulle Sakuraba quickly runs around the room, back and forth, Lockheed curled in one arm, as she searches for a blunt instrument. "I laugh all the time! When I'm not being chased by Lost Technologies trying to kill me... well, okay, maybe sometimes even then." She rummages all over the engine room for something that might fit the bill. Let's see. Sailor fuku outfit. Extra NORMAD plushies. Maracas. Giant sombrero. Frisbee. Fake ID. "Look at all these old things! Everything really piles up after four seasons."
Eventually however she hits the jackpot! "Yay! I found the perfect thing!" Running up to Kitty, she hands her new friend - a frying pan! (This one, for some reason, has the words '3 seconds' inscribed near the handle.) Hefting one of her own, she takes a few practice swings. "This will show that mean vending machine the true meaning of candy! When I knock it into him! Charge!!"
She takes off swinging at the vending machine, bravely charging the enemy! "Sugary treats are supposed to be sweet! Not ... EVIL! YAAAAAAH!"
Of course the machine deftly knocks the fry pan out of Milfeulle's hands, and picks her up in a tentacle, the girl struggling as he does so. And then the tentacle reaches forward as Milfeulle struggles. Ever closer... closer... closer... who knows what X-rated things it's going to do!
Of course what it really does is start tickling her. "TICKLE TICKLE TICKLE!" it roars.
Milfeulle can't help herself. "HEE HEE ha ha ha ha wah he got me oh help HEE HEE HEE HEE ha ha!"
While this is happening, panels are opening throughout the engine room, and small repair drones are scooting out, soldering connections and fixing equipment. The ship's power gauges are recovering noticeably.
"Well .. that's.. odd." Kitty admits. She never laughed when being chased by things trying to kill her! And when Milfie charges the thing with a FRYING pan, Kitty puts a hand out, "WAIT--" Oh too late. HEY, It can't do X-Rated things! This is a PG game! Quick, someone call the censors!!
...as it begins tickling the girl.
THE FIEND!! "Oh you have got to be kidding me." Kitty wanders over to the discarded frying pan, peering at the 3 seconds on the handle. "Brand name I guess." CHARGE! Kitty leaps forward, half in phase, as she proceeds to beat on the vending machine, "Let go of her you evil evil machine!" Whack Whack Whack! Lockheed meanwhile, is convinced this evening tops any cracked out evening outing he's been on YET. But at least the repair drones are doing their job! And a lot better than that hologram's 'diagnostic'.
Milfeulle Sakuraba struggles fruitlessly, laughing the whole time. "WAHA HA HA HA HA HA, ha ha ha, hee hee, hit him!" she encourages Kitty, feet waving back and forth as she gets tickled. "Hee hee, take that! And that! Bwaha ha ha, and more of the hee hee hee!"
The vending machine, however, merely swings at Kitty with a free tentacle, but misses, the majority of its concentration on tickling Milfeulle into submission. "GRRR! EAT HONEY POPS! FULL OF NUTRITIONAL SUGARY GOODNESS! Actualnutritionalvaluemayvarydependingonnumberofinsectsandrodentsfallingintoourhoneyvats," it adds.
However, as it turns to try another tactic, shooting Honey Pops in Kitty's direction, a swing by Kitty lands the frying pan directly into the main display, showing the hologram man's face. The pan breaks the glass, crashing into the monitor with an audible *CRASH*, and Milfeulle is dropped as the monster's tentacles go crazy, wiggling out of control as the monster spins around in circles. "DANGER! DANGER, HONEY POPS! VISUAL SENSORS DISABLED!"
Taking deep breaths, Milfeulle holds her stomach, before jumping to her feet. "Hey!" Milfeulle calls to Kitty waving her arms. "I have an idea! Keep hitting him!" Perhaps oxygen deprivation inspired her mind to extraordinary lengths. Or maybe it was the big red panel lighting up saying, 'Emergency Drive Access'. "See? There's an emergency button! You push the button in an emergency. I guess." Which Milfeulle presses, and suddenly, panels lift up all over the central drive column, revealing the central reactor. Which appears to be a blindingly bright, luridly colorful pillar of oscillating, glowing light, glowing with colors that don't exist in normal space. "Pretty," Milfeulle breathes. Then turns to Kitty and points. "Hey! Maybe we can put him in there until he promises to stop being a naughty little candy machine and behave!"
Or until he's vaporized. Either way it's a win.
"That! *Whack* Is! *Thwamp!* GROSS!" Kitty punctuates this last with a swing of her frying pan, which smashes the glass of the machine at long last. Once Milfeulle is dropped, Kitty looks away from where the vending machine is doing its' Warning Warning, Danger Will Robinson! bit, briefly. "Keep hitting? That I can do!" WHACK, WHACK, WHACK, WHACK! POW POW CLANG POW CLANG!
Hope you weren't planning on using the frying pan for anything else. The button that Milfie pushes gets a glance, "Emergency Drive Access? Wait, isn't that t--" Oh .. why would Kitty complain? "Sounds good to me." That's the best detention cell EVER. So while the machine is flailing about, Kitty points, "Call to it, see if it'll come towards you, and then get out of the way before it gets close." She'll give it the extra keek it needs to get inside the chamber. Win win!
Milfeulle Sakuraba nods her head. "Got it!" she calls out, before stepping in front of the drive system. Tendrils of pure quantum energy lance out ghostly behind her, as if attracted to her obscenely spectacular luck. In most circumstances anyway. What could be lucky about a Lost Technology machine parasite designed to force mediocre candy being hidden aboard her ship? On the other hand! Perhaps it's luck that they were able to discover it before it did real damage. Like if it found Mint! Who can't resist any kind of candy at all, and has lots of credit cards. That would be terrible. Milfeulle finds the thought so unpleasant that she purses her lips and clenches her fists. "HEY!" she calls out to the vending machine. "You bucket of bolts! Your candy wasn't even good when it was fresh!"
The machine continues to wave its tentacles obliviously. "I DON'T CARE!" it says in its mechanical monotone. "IT'S NOT ABOUT THE CANDY! IT'S ABOUT THE ADVERTISING! -THAT- IS THE TRUE SPIRIT OF VENDING! MWAH HAH HAH... huh?"
The point of impact between the screen and the frying pan is throwing off bolts of electricity. Circuits are popping all over the creature's body! Suddenly something blows up! "OH CRAP!" it says. "HONEY POP CONTAINMENT COLLAPSING!"
In a sight she'll take with her forever, Milfeulle's eyes go wide as the containment field for the pocket universe where the machine kept its honey pop supply collapses, and *POPS* out of the creature's head. Time freezes for just a moment, as for the briefest instant, an entire sub-universe full of honey pops appears into existence in normal space just long enough to collapse under its own weight into a tiny black hole.
Milfeulle's eyes swirl. "Soooooo much sugar....."
The black hole does what Milfeulle couldn't. It starts drawing the robot toward itself - along with all the honey pops strewn around the floor - and in turn is attracted toward the drive discharge. Unfortunately it starts drawing in Milfeulle as well, who recovers from her momentary daze and grabs the floor. "WAAAAAAH! This is ridiculous! I'll NEVER eat honey again! ... Unless I need it for a recipe. Or it's really tasty honey. But that's IT!"
"HEY! Don't get hypnotized by powdered glucose!" Kitty shouts towards the girl, starting forward. And when the girl starts to get drawn in - that's Trouble with a capital TROUB. Milfie grabs the floor, and the floor -- grabs ..back?
Or it might seem that way - Kitty is no longer anywhere to be seen, but instead a pair of hands seem to have grown out of the floor and are clutching Milfie by the waist tightly so that she doesn't get sucked into the teeny black hole of DOOM. But then in the chaos, Milf probably won't even know - because Lockheed is currently clinging to the girl himself, perched on her stomach and refusing to budge for all the sugar in Sugarland. GOod thing he doesn't really have claws - but he's still pretty heavy for a cat! Come on black hole - close up so Kitty can let go already! Man. Who knew that all this could happen from a faulty vending machine? @.@
Milfeulle Sakuraba has a glazed look in her eye as she recalls the view from a few moments ago. "But it looked so tasty," she sighs, then frowns. "Or it would if they hadn't left the honey pops alone for so long. What a waste!" Also she eyes the mysterious arms popping out of the floor to hold her in place. Well that's a little odd. But it's no odder than anything else that's been happening.
But unfortunately, it may all be for naught. The tentacled vending machine's tentacles flail crazily as it gets pulled into the black hole, making a quite satisfying CRUNCH sound when it hits the event horizon. However, as the small black hole gets near the engine, arcs of energy and exotic particles start passing between them, and the hole slows; the interaction starts collapsing the entire ship, as the hole slowly passes into the drive system, turning the bright multi-colored lights into all black. The drive system turns into one big collapsar and Milfeulle and Kitty don't have to get pulled in themselves - the entire fabric of reality is curving around them as time and five spatial dimensions start folding in on themselves! "I don't think this is a good thing," wails Milfeulle as she holds onto Kitty and Lockheed for dear life, and it's the last thing she's able to say.
Outside, witnesses may notice the Lucky Star starting to geometrically fold in on itself in impossible angles, eventually disappearing from reality with a *POP*!
...
Thousands of years ago, in Space Year 50,000, outside a construction facility for the Angel Frames, a skeletally gaunt man, a tall pretty-boy, and a short and fat guy get out of their hovercar and stroll over to a public tele-monitor. "Yeah boss, the fix is in," says the thin man, Patrick. "All those donations to the space program paid off! We can install the vending machine today, and watch the money roll in," adds the pretty-boy, Jonathan. "Heh heh heh! Yeah, we got it in the trunk of the car right now," says the little fat man, Gasteau. "Let's hear it for Honey-Pops, yay!"
The conversation is interrupted when sixty-four million tons of spaceship phases into existence forty feet into the air, hovers for one second, and then falls to the ground, flattening everything in an eight-block area. *BOOM*
Including the three men's car. They can only stand there, with their mouths open, until they jump out of the way as an entry hatch unfolds from the ship and slams into the ground, flattening the phone booth for good measure. *CRASH*
Inside are Milfeulle and Kitty, looking out into the strange futuristic city of the past. "... Well huh," says Milfeulle. "I guess we're safe now!" She turns to Kitty and smiles brightly. "Need a ride somewhere?"
There's not a whole lot someone can do against a black hole! Or the entire fabric of reality curving around them for that matter. And after .. what happens next .. well.. well Kitty.. isn't quite sure exactly! What with one arm curled around Lockheed tightly, and being in turn clung to by Milfie, Kitty doesn't have a huge opportunity to take in what's going on, beyond the fact that in ordinary circumstances they'd be screwed!
She gives a small whoopof surprise at the sudden jolt of the ship crashing into the ground, flattening lots of things - and a car. Not that Kitty knows this. "Uh.." Carefully she uncurls, with her 'cat' climbing up onto her shoulder. "Uh -- no... no I think I'll manage all right. Your ship seems to be repaired too." She feels all sorts of weird. It must be the air. o_o Or the WEIRDNESS. Maybe she hallucinated that whole thing? "Yeah I'm okay, my zone isn't far I'll.. I think we'll walk. The air will do us good." She shakes her head a bit, getting to her feet. "Er -- well! It was nice meeting you Milfeulle. IF you're ever in New York look us up." But leave your psycho vending machines and black holes at home. ._.
The ship is in fact fully repaired. There may in fact be several explanations for this. One - if the vending machine was in fact destroyed before it could do any damage, then none of the preceding events could have possibly happened. Two - in theory, time slows to a stop at the event horizon of a black hole. Ergo, the repair drones could have had all the time in the universe to make repairs, fix the ship's systems and transit away from danger. Three - according to the law of conservation of energy, energy can neither be created or destroyed, therefore the Lucky Star from the past actually teleported from its launchpad several miles away to where Milfeulle, Kitty and Lockheed appeared in this time period, quantum transference actually causing every particle in the ship to randomly jump there by pure random chance, which really isn't so random, since it had to happen to zero all the equations. Four - Milfeulle's astounding luck made it all just turn out okay in time for the next episode. Any one of these would probably work.
Milfeulle herself, however, understands none of this. But then again, if you think that's complicated, try making recipes for French desserts sometime! At any rate, she doesn't question Kitty's claim that she can just walk home, despite this being an alien planet in Space Year 50,000. She's heard stranger things. "Okay!" she says. "It was great to meet you... hey!" She blinks her eyes, before pointing a finger. "You never told me your name! So what's your name?" She leans forward curiously, feeling that knowing the name of this solid-matter-oblivious girl is important. Perhaps it was the saving-Milfeulle's-life thing. Milfeulle grins. "Mine's Milfeulle Sakuraba! But I mentioned that already."
All of those theories are good ones, but they would probably give many scientologists headaches, not to mention anyone else who heard them. Kitty? Kitty can accept it just on the basis that she was there arguing with a hologram in a vending machine for thousand year old candy. Oh, and she is also very lucky that her credit card was not 0000. Man, that had to suck for those people Particularly Captain Time. (HAHA). "Me?" Kitty looks up as Lockheed is situating himself on her shoulder, "Its Kitty Pryde." She already introduced Lockheed - sort of. Nonetheless, the girl grins, lifting a hand to wave, "See you around, Milfeulle." And watch out for candy machines!
WHEN: 11/25/06
WHERE: Mars
WHAT: What was supposed to be a nice little outing Mars becomes... er.. indescribable.
WATCH FOR: Psycho holograms and a cameo by Captain Time and the 320 pirates
Milfeulle Sakuraba waves a hand to the sky as Flea disappears, turning into a bat and flying off, and doesn't seem to regard anything particularly odd about it. "Goodbye Miss Flea! Nice to meet you!" It comes from living in a spacefaring culture, one might guess. "That was nice! Now when I go back I can report a successful First Contact with a new civilization, who can shapechange and appreciate the art of pastry-cooking. That means they're really advanced! I wonder what kind of superior recipes they have...."
She swings from side to side, hands clasped beneath her chin, lost in her blissful reverie for a moment, before she blinks out of it, and looks around. "Oh!" she reminds herself. "That other nice girl went to go repair the ship. I should see if she's okay!" She turns around and heads for the ship's interior.
Meanwhile! The ship's illuminated panels and flashing lights flash and beep with no apparent order or regularity, except when they do. Really, it's just chaotic, and the architecture of the engine housings and drive columns aren't entirely symmetrical, even though the ship is symmetrical on the outside. However, as Kitty says the word 'Tools' out loud, a panel slides out of the wall, showing a large red button with a band-aid icon inscribed over it. Or at least it looks like a band-aid. It's got two adhesive sides and a pad, and a cute little Hello Kitty! drawing on top of it.
Er - -superior recipes? Nah, what could possibly be superior to the cooking skills of Milfie? Don't answer that. Lockheed had been in the procees of nosing about for said tools when that panel slides out. The 'cat' jumps back in surprise, and Kitty's attention swivels to the disturbance. ".... Voice activated.." That. Is beyond awesome. She glances at Lockheed, grinning, "You have to admit - that was cool." And it's got a Hello Kitty thingie on it. "What in the world is this..?" Well it has to be the tool panel anyway, so Kitty heads on over to investigate and remove whatever she finds. After a moment's thought, Kitty casts a glance at Lockheed, then around the room, ".. I wonder if the ship can run a diagnostic on itself in this condition." That'd certainly narrow down what got fried. Lockheed yawns pointedly and pads over towards the door.
"Don't go far, Lockheed." Kitty cautions the animal, only to be surprised when the calico comes bolting back to claim his perch on her shoulder. "What th-OH." Someone must be coming. Right then.
Milfeulle Sakuraba pokes her head in the engine room, waving cheerfully to Kitty. "Hi there!" she says, and amazingly, she has a tray of cupcakes with her. "I whipped these up on the way here, to give you energy while you work. Have you repaired the ship yet? Wah, my poor Lucky Star, I really abuse him sometimes...."
At that point, she notices the open panel. "Oh, hey, what's that?" she asks, and without any further statement on the subject she walks over and presses the button with two fingers. *POIK*
At that moment, right in front of Kitty and Lockheed, appears a male figure in a uniform quite distinct from Milfeulle's. "Greetings!" it informs the room, before it's face turns to Kitty and Lockheed, who happen to be right in front of it. "I am the Emergency Holographic Angel Frame Repair Interface System. Please state the nature of your engineering emergency. Oh and don't forget to try HONEY-POPS!" He holds up what appears to be a flat lollipop with a yellow wrapper. "Full of honey goodness! Proud sponsors of the Emergency Holographic Angel Frame Repair Interface System. Would you like to purchase a - HONEY-POP - right now? Just say 'Buy Honey-Pop' and tell me your credit card number, and the ship's onboard dispensary will distribute them immediately, in any quantity you desire! 5 Galas each. No discounts. Yes, it's JUST that easy!"
Milfeulle is drooling. "A honey lollipop! That sounds SOOOO tasty..." Any repairs have of course been completely forgotten.
Kitty Pryde glances up when Milfie pops in, smiling a greeting, "Hey - no, not yet; I have to check and see just how extensive the damage is, and then there's the tools. This?" She glances at the panel, "I don't know, I -"
*POIK*
Kitty is left speechless in first surprise, and then confusion when the holoman appears. "Some how I am /SO/ glad Tina is not here right now." She takes a step backwards, "Angel Frame Repair Interface System? Awesome. I need-.. honey pops?" Blinkblink.
"Wait, no, no no," she waves a hand -b esides, she's got those cupcakes Milfie just baked! "I need a diagnostic on the engine - a full system scan may be necessary so we can isolate what's failing." It could be an overheated power cell, or a crack somewhere.
~I believe cupcakes were mentioned.~ Lockheed purrs, curling his tail around Kitty's neck.
~Don't worry, you'll get a cupcake, you great tubby beast.~ Kitty grins.
...
"Why do you have an advertisement for candy on your repair system?" Kitty asks of Milfie. Is that how the ship is paid? Via popups?
The builders of the Lucky Star (unit GA-001) obviously intended the system to be as user-friendly as possible. "You need - honey pops!" happily announces the emergency holographic interface man. "Very good! Purchase of honey-pops confirmed. "Please, designate a quantity and your credit card number. Once that is complete, we can take care of your engine diagnostic. All engine diagnostics are of course brought to you by Allied Ajax Candy Distribution Centers, your home for the world-famous Honey-Pop!"
Meanwhile Milfeulle turns from drooling at the thought of a honey lollipop toward Kitty, blinking her eyes. "You mean," she murmurs, tilting her head and leaning closer at Kitty. "YOU didn't bring him? I thought he was yours! You mean my Lucky Star is, is, is, is HAUNTED?" She starts shaking so badly her cupcake pan visibly quivers as she runs to hide behind Kitty. "Wah, I'm scared! Here, give him a cupcake, maybe he'll go away! I have plenty for everyone!"
The user-friendly interface man's image flickers and there's a beep. "You want - PLENTY - of honey-pops, for everyone! That's a great decision. Now please enter your credit card number and there will be Honey-Pops for all! Emergency Holographic Credit Card Interface is provided by Al's Hovertrucking, number one groundside shipping service for the world-famous Honey-Pop! You need some trucking? Then you need Al, he's a honey of a trucker! ... The honiest he can be, at any rate, while still being quite manly. The manliest trucker ever! Honestly! Don't sue us!"
ACK! She didn't mean to purchase! "HEY Hey hold on sailor! I didn't say I wanted to buy your honey pops!" Eeping softly when Milfie hides behind her, Kitty looks over her shoulder, "Hey, don't use me as a shield." Why is she always the shield for types like these? :/ SIGH. "No, it's not mine; and he's not a ghost. It seems to be a function built into your spaceship. You really didn't know about it?"
Lockheed meanwhile, is /snickering/.
"Wait what?" Kitty looks back at the holoman, and holds up both hands, fingers splayed, "Stop that! We're not going to traffick in your stickey sweet sin candy okay? I want to see your super --" She stops short. "WHY am I arguing with a hologram."
Milfeulle Sakuraba quickly answers Kitty's question without thinking, while she bravely cowers behind Kitty. "Holograms are designed to be human, so they're pleasant and un-threatening and seem like they can be reasoned with." She hangs her head a little, grinning. "And for your other question, my Lucky Star is built from a Lost Technology! It is a relic from before the Chrono Quake, which made all manmade objects in outer space vanish completely, but left planets untouched. So nobody knows how it works. Ha ha, that's great! They enjoyed tasty treats thousands of years ago, just like we do!"
Meanwhile, the hologram keeps smiling vacuously. "'I didn't say I wanted to buy your honey pops' doesn't mean you said you DIDN'T want to buy our honey pops! And who wouldn't want to buy a whole bunch of tasty Honey-Pops? The sugary sweet taste of honey. Fun for the whole family! Use it to distract oncoming bears. Catch friendly honey-bees for fun and exploitation! Use it as a temporary industrial sealant for engine joints. There's nothing you can't do with Honey-Pops! This message was sponsored in part by Jim's House of Industrial Sealants, when you want something industrially sealed! Seal the deal, with Jim's!"
"Really.." Kitty muses softly. "I know that holograms are designed to be human and all that, but this -" she points at the hologram smiling vacuously at them, "Is getting downright abusive!" She taps her finger against her arm, "So this place where the relics got unearthed - is that still around?" No Kitty; BAD BAD IDea. ANd.. then the hologram has to continue.
"Come again?" Kitty glances at the hologram, "Ye--bu-wha? NO no no! Listen carefully," She draws breath, "We do NOT want Honey Pops. None. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Niet. Understand?" All she wanted was a simple diagnostic! ;O; She doesn't even have..whatever it took for currency for these stupid honey pops. ;.;
Milfeulle Sakuraba nods her head at the hologram, backing up Kitty's unequivocal negative declaration upon the subject of Honey Pops. "Yeah!" she says. "You shouldn't push sugary sweets on people. Treats are meant to be enjoyed, with happiness and love, in the company of friends! You want to impose your, your pre-packaged artificially sweetened candy-coated order on the rest of us, and that's ... that's just mean! You're really mean! Bad hologram! BAD! That's a no-no! Thbbbbbbt!" She sticks out her tongue at the Honey-Pop man.
The subject now apparently settled, she giggles to herself and then turns to Kitty. "Lost Technology? Place? Oh, no, you don't understand." She grins. "Lost Technology is scattered ALL OVER THE GALAXY. That's what the Galaxy Angels do. We go out and find Lost Technology, and we bring it back so we can use it to make life on Transbaal better. But most of it's still just lying around somewhere. In lots and lots of places. Where anyone can pick it up. Sometimes in plain sight." She smiles quite innocently, apparently unaware of the rather specifically imperative nature of her last few added comments, as if she was sweetening some kind of deal for Kitty.
Of course at that point the hologram man has suddenly appeared right at Kitty and Milfeulle's side, and coughs theatrically twice into his hand. Milfeulle YEEs and jumps back a few steps. "Very good, customers! Credit card number 'None, Zero, Zilch, Nada, Niet' - 0, 0, 0, 0, 0 - succesfully entered. I admit, you had me worried for a moment that you wouldn't have money to pay, and nobody wants that, do they! Ha ha ha, of course not. Now then - plenty of Honey Pops - for all!" Suddenly, a metal dispensing unit erupts from the wall right above the button, slides open a lid, and Honey Pops - little square lollipops with plastic wrappers - start erupting from it. But upon closer inspection, one might notice that each of these honeypops is NOT freshly manufactured. In fact they're TWO THOUSAND YEARS OLD, waiting in a vending machine all this time. "Vend, my honey pops," says the hologram, raising his arms in beatific happiness. "VE~EEEND!"
Believe it or not, Kitty nods agreement with Milfie's assessment. "RIGHT! You candy pusher! Jeez! Just get to that diagnostic already!" Hmf. Turning slighty away, she focuses her attention on Milfeulle. Blue eyes widen ever so slightly, "No kidding? Just lying all over the galaxy?" If Kitty wasn't an X-Man, she'd probably be looking for the lost technology, just for curiosities sake. Probably. Swetening a deal? Nah, not cute little Milfie!?
"OI!" Kitty yelps in surprise when the hologram appears next to her and Milfeulle. Lockheed hisses and swipes a paw at the hologram, ineffectively. "Wha..? That's not my credit card -- what are you DOING you stupid thing!" AUGH! Pops! More pops than she can care to even think of eating and..ew! Lockheed jumps down from her shoulder to inspect one of the pops, finally batting at one and glancing at Kitty and Milfie, "MYAaaao." These treats are not fit for human or dragon/cat consumption!
The holographic gentleman turns to face the camera. "Ladies and gentlemen, all vending services are provided by Sur-U-Vend of Alpha Centauri. Your home for all your aggressive vending needs. Sur-U-Vend! Home of the Hard Sell! When just sitting in a case looking tasty just isn't enough." With a bow, he disappears.
The vending machine spews ancient Honey Pop after ancient Honey Pop, each one valuable enough from an archaeological perspective for any graduate student worth his salt to gladly mortgage his eye-teeth. To say the wrapper had fused with the candy completely would be a gross understatement. However, there's starting to be rather a pile of them. And it's growing. Continuously. "Uh, uh," says Milfeulle worriedly, noting Lockheed's reaction, and turning her head from side to side. "I don't know what to do! I never thought I'd ever be afraid of too much candy before!" She's now ankle-deep in honey pops. Lifting her foot, she starts to back away worriedly. "Maybe there's an off switch!" She runs over to the instrument panel, looking for more buttons. There aren't any. She pounds the wall. "Stop please!" she says. "There's too many honey pops!" The level of honey-pops is now thigh-deep. Careful Lockheed!
Milfeulle Sakuraba sobs, "And you promised us an engine diagna-whatever!" ;o;
"Oh yeah," says the hologram, reappearing momentarily. He looks around. Then looks back at Milfeulle. "It's broken." At which point he disappears again.
He just disappeared. With the CRAPPIEST diagnostic she's EVER heard. "YOU BASTARD! I'LL SEE YOU DECOMPILED FOR THIS!" Kitty shouts after the vanishing image.
A distressed yowl from Lockheed gets Kitty's attention, and she quickly reaches into the rising pile of candy to pull the critter up. "Poor baby, I'm sorry -- here, can you hold him for a second?" Kitty offers the surprisingly heavy kitty to the girl. She'll off switch the system all right - but it'll take longer to make repairs. At least they won't drown in crappy candy though! "Check over there," Kitty points opposite her - that way Kitty can see if her phasing can short out the system and stop the flood of expired honey treats.
Milfeulle Sakuraba takes the kitty in her arms and grins. "Hi there, Kitty-san," she says, holding up Lockheed and looking him in the eye. Unaware that she's also called Lockheed by Kitty's name, as she has yet to learn what Kitty Pryde's name is. "I'm Milfeulle! I'm sorry I got you and your friend into this miss. It seems like this kind of thing is always happening to me." She holds Lockheed in her arms and looks for high ground while Kitty phases.
Interestingly enough, what Kitty finds when she phases through the wall, is that the Honey Pop vending machine is actually a separate unit from the rest of the ship. It seems, rather curiously, to have been installed later - perhaps by corporate partners of military industrial contractors - and draws its power directly from the ship itself. The power to store all those Honey Pops in a pocket dimension is considerable, and the machine is actually drawing power from the ship itself through invasive power couplings. Why it suddenly switched on is a mystery. Perhaps it got jarred from the recent impact with the ground.
In many ways, it's like a parasite. A mechanical parasite. Unfortunately, it's built like one too, and there's no visible off-switch, and reinforced and shielded internal workings, but the power couplings attaching it to the ship don't look so secure that they can't get dislodged by a good strong yank.
Meanwhile, Milfeulle keeps climbing onto mountains of Honey Pops. "I wonder who has the credit card number of 0000," she says. "I hope he's not mad!"
Kitty Pryde blanches. "What?" Kitty-san? How did she know her name? Kitty glances towards the girl, bewildered. "Oh don't worry about it, Lockheed and I are used to weird things happening." Wait - was she talking to her or to the 'cat'? Nevermind. On phasing, the discovery is surprising indeed! Phasing directly into the system would definitely be a bad idea; she didn't want to kill the ship and leave it dead for the weeks it'd take her to bring everything online again.
Well. Almost everything. That holoman had to GO.
"There's no END to the damn things," Kitty comments from behind a waist high pile of candy. "But I think I see the problem!" Fortunately, Kitty can't be seen by now, considering she's half phased through the vending machine. Doubly good that she has rubber gloves, or she would give herself a nasty shock when she pulled the power couplines. "Heave--" She YANKS backwards.
Meanwhile, at a particularly upscale restuarant, a young man and his date are just finishing up a rather expensive dish; caviar more than likely. Heading up to the cashier, he hands over his credit card and continues chatting up his date for the evening. Perhaps hoping to get lucky later - unfortunately, his luck seriously SUCKS when the cashier runs the card through, then hands it back and informs him that it was overdrawn by several thousand dollars.
"WHAT?"
"There's a charge of over five hundred honey pops, sir." The cashier tells him.
"Pookie, can't you pay the bill?"
"Of COURSE I can pay th-HEy is that Elvis?" The man points.
His date and the cashier look at the same time, and when they turn around again, the man is gone, the bell over the door chimes, and there is the screech of tires against the street.
His date stares, slack-jawed. "Son of a b-"
Kitty tumbles back once she's yanked the power couplings out. "Oof!"
In fact, in several locations throughout the galaxy, dozens of people suddenly discover that their cards are overdrawn. The machine is apparently withdrawing from numerous accounts, as, being in another plane, it can't get a precise fix on native credit cards. So, being user-friendly and adaptable as it is, it's simply gigging ALL of them, for the honey-pop charges.
Including one that's quite familiar. Far across the space/time continuum, onboard the fiercest space pirate ship in all the galaxy, Space Captain Justin Time of the 320 Space Pirates chortles at his good fortune. "Yo ho ho, maties!" he announces through the ship's PA system. "We have just scored the greatest treasure of them all. A good credit rating! And we've been approved for a SPACE VISA!"
Cheers erupt across the ship as the Captain raises his Space Visa high in the air. Space First Mate Supi turns to the command chair and gasps. "Great Scott, Captain! A good credit rating is worth its weight in gold!"
Ship's Surgeon Doctor Lezard Valeth (no relation to the Valkyrie Profile character) rubs his chin pensively. "I don't know... credit isn't something you abuse. We must be cautious!"
Space Navigator Syn clenches her fists and cackles fiendishly. "Woo hoo hoo! Let's buy Karaoke Counter-Counter-Counter-Counter-Revolution with the complete four-piece rock band controller for the Playstation 509!"
"I say we test it first," says Captain Justin. "Let's buy SPACE PIZZAS, for all the crew!"
"An excellent idea, Captain!" says Space First Mate Supi, who is a shameless suckup. "With Extra Space Cheese and Space Sausage!"
"All hands, prepare for spicy toppings!" calls out Space Bosun Pinkfrog!
Captain Time punches in the numbers for the Space Pizza Hut. "I'd like 320 Space Pizzas! With the works! My credit card number is ..." Dramatic pause. "0-0-0-0-0!"
"One moment please," says the voice on the other end. There's a long silence as the crew look at each other excitedly. The wonders of credit! Until ...
"Attention, 320 nitwits!" says a new voice on the other end of the line. "This is SPACE OFFICER FLAMEDRAGON!" A gasp goes up throughout the ship at the familiar voice, not to mention name. "Your credit card account is overdrawn by FIFTY JILLION SPACE BUCKS! I have orders to impound your ship and all your worldly possessions! HEAVE TO AND PREPARE TO BE POOR! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"
Captain Time bitterly slams his fist on the command chair. "Credit has betrayed us! I knew we couldn't trust the system. It's back to space piracy for the 320 Pirates! Run away, run away! Eat my dust, Flammy!" The Odango Atama flees at flank speed, pursued by a gazillion space police cars.
Meanwhile, Milfeulle gasps as Kitty falls to the ground, running over. "Are you alright? What did you do? That was so brave! I don't even know you and you're saving my life!" Her lower lip trembles a bit, but she has little time for sentimentality as, denied of it's power, an entire section of the wall collapses outward as the Honey Pop Vend-O-Matic, copyright 50000 SY (space year), waving it's detached power couplings like tentacles, advances on the two of them. "HONEY POPPPPPS!" it roars, the hologram man's face in a screen at it's center. "EAT TASTY SWEETS ALL DAY AND NIGHT! GRARRR!"
Milfeulle grabs Kitty and Lockheed and whimpers. "I admire what he's saying!" she whimpers. "Just not the way he's saying it...." ;o;
However, on the upside, now that the parasite is no longer sucking power from the ship, the Lucky Star is starting to power up with a visible electronic hum, rising in pitch.
"I'm okay!" Kitty gives the girl a quick grin, reassuring Lockheed in the same gesture. "I pulled the power couplers for that vending machine of hell. Should be all ..stopped..." She pauses as an ODD expression comes across her face. "..... I have the sudden desire to feel very smug and laugh about something, but I'm not quite sure what it is." She eyes Milfie, "Ever have one of those moments?" But! Before the girl can respond, the hologram appears again, in the vending machine. "SHUT. UP! I will dismantle and decompile you and use you for spare parts in .. in.. iN A TOASTER." Which in retrospect, would be a bad idea. Then the hologram would start coaxing people to eat toast all day. But when the detached couplings start waving in a decidedly dangerous way, Kitty scrambles to her feet, "Do you have a blunt instrument handy?" She'll beat that thing into submission if she has to! Nevermind it's someone else's property, it's clearly evil!
Milfeulle Sakuraba quickly runs around the room, back and forth, Lockheed curled in one arm, as she searches for a blunt instrument. "I laugh all the time! When I'm not being chased by Lost Technologies trying to kill me... well, okay, maybe sometimes even then." She rummages all over the engine room for something that might fit the bill. Let's see. Sailor fuku outfit. Extra NORMAD plushies. Maracas. Giant sombrero. Frisbee. Fake ID. "Look at all these old things! Everything really piles up after four seasons."
Eventually however she hits the jackpot! "Yay! I found the perfect thing!" Running up to Kitty, she hands her new friend - a frying pan! (This one, for some reason, has the words '3 seconds' inscribed near the handle.) Hefting one of her own, she takes a few practice swings. "This will show that mean vending machine the true meaning of candy! When I knock it into him! Charge!!"
She takes off swinging at the vending machine, bravely charging the enemy! "Sugary treats are supposed to be sweet! Not ... EVIL! YAAAAAAH!"
Of course the machine deftly knocks the fry pan out of Milfeulle's hands, and picks her up in a tentacle, the girl struggling as he does so. And then the tentacle reaches forward as Milfeulle struggles. Ever closer... closer... closer... who knows what X-rated things it's going to do!
Of course what it really does is start tickling her. "TICKLE TICKLE TICKLE!" it roars.
Milfeulle can't help herself. "HEE HEE ha ha ha ha wah he got me oh help HEE HEE HEE HEE ha ha!"
While this is happening, panels are opening throughout the engine room, and small repair drones are scooting out, soldering connections and fixing equipment. The ship's power gauges are recovering noticeably.
"Well .. that's.. odd." Kitty admits. She never laughed when being chased by things trying to kill her! And when Milfie charges the thing with a FRYING pan, Kitty puts a hand out, "WAIT--" Oh too late. HEY, It can't do X-Rated things! This is a PG game! Quick, someone call the censors!!
...as it begins tickling the girl.
THE FIEND!! "Oh you have got to be kidding me." Kitty wanders over to the discarded frying pan, peering at the 3 seconds on the handle. "Brand name I guess." CHARGE! Kitty leaps forward, half in phase, as she proceeds to beat on the vending machine, "Let go of her you evil evil machine!" Whack Whack Whack! Lockheed meanwhile, is convinced this evening tops any cracked out evening outing he's been on YET. But at least the repair drones are doing their job! And a lot better than that hologram's 'diagnostic'.
Milfeulle Sakuraba struggles fruitlessly, laughing the whole time. "WAHA HA HA HA HA HA, ha ha ha, hee hee, hit him!" she encourages Kitty, feet waving back and forth as she gets tickled. "Hee hee, take that! And that! Bwaha ha ha, and more of the hee hee hee!"
The vending machine, however, merely swings at Kitty with a free tentacle, but misses, the majority of its concentration on tickling Milfeulle into submission. "GRRR! EAT HONEY POPS! FULL OF NUTRITIONAL SUGARY GOODNESS! Actualnutritionalvaluemayvarydependingonnumberofinsectsandrodentsfallingintoourhoneyvats," it adds.
However, as it turns to try another tactic, shooting Honey Pops in Kitty's direction, a swing by Kitty lands the frying pan directly into the main display, showing the hologram man's face. The pan breaks the glass, crashing into the monitor with an audible *CRASH*, and Milfeulle is dropped as the monster's tentacles go crazy, wiggling out of control as the monster spins around in circles. "DANGER! DANGER, HONEY POPS! VISUAL SENSORS DISABLED!"
Taking deep breaths, Milfeulle holds her stomach, before jumping to her feet. "Hey!" Milfeulle calls to Kitty waving her arms. "I have an idea! Keep hitting him!" Perhaps oxygen deprivation inspired her mind to extraordinary lengths. Or maybe it was the big red panel lighting up saying, 'Emergency Drive Access'. "See? There's an emergency button! You push the button in an emergency. I guess." Which Milfeulle presses, and suddenly, panels lift up all over the central drive column, revealing the central reactor. Which appears to be a blindingly bright, luridly colorful pillar of oscillating, glowing light, glowing with colors that don't exist in normal space. "Pretty," Milfeulle breathes. Then turns to Kitty and points. "Hey! Maybe we can put him in there until he promises to stop being a naughty little candy machine and behave!"
Or until he's vaporized. Either way it's a win.
"That! *Whack* Is! *Thwamp!* GROSS!" Kitty punctuates this last with a swing of her frying pan, which smashes the glass of the machine at long last. Once Milfeulle is dropped, Kitty looks away from where the vending machine is doing its' Warning Warning, Danger Will Robinson! bit, briefly. "Keep hitting? That I can do!" WHACK, WHACK, WHACK, WHACK! POW POW CLANG POW CLANG!
Hope you weren't planning on using the frying pan for anything else. The button that Milfie pushes gets a glance, "Emergency Drive Access? Wait, isn't that t--" Oh .. why would Kitty complain? "Sounds good to me." That's the best detention cell EVER. So while the machine is flailing about, Kitty points, "Call to it, see if it'll come towards you, and then get out of the way before it gets close." She'll give it the extra keek it needs to get inside the chamber. Win win!
Milfeulle Sakuraba nods her head. "Got it!" she calls out, before stepping in front of the drive system. Tendrils of pure quantum energy lance out ghostly behind her, as if attracted to her obscenely spectacular luck. In most circumstances anyway. What could be lucky about a Lost Technology machine parasite designed to force mediocre candy being hidden aboard her ship? On the other hand! Perhaps it's luck that they were able to discover it before it did real damage. Like if it found Mint! Who can't resist any kind of candy at all, and has lots of credit cards. That would be terrible. Milfeulle finds the thought so unpleasant that she purses her lips and clenches her fists. "HEY!" she calls out to the vending machine. "You bucket of bolts! Your candy wasn't even good when it was fresh!"
The machine continues to wave its tentacles obliviously. "I DON'T CARE!" it says in its mechanical monotone. "IT'S NOT ABOUT THE CANDY! IT'S ABOUT THE ADVERTISING! -THAT- IS THE TRUE SPIRIT OF VENDING! MWAH HAH HAH... huh?"
The point of impact between the screen and the frying pan is throwing off bolts of electricity. Circuits are popping all over the creature's body! Suddenly something blows up! "OH CRAP!" it says. "HONEY POP CONTAINMENT COLLAPSING!"
In a sight she'll take with her forever, Milfeulle's eyes go wide as the containment field for the pocket universe where the machine kept its honey pop supply collapses, and *POPS* out of the creature's head. Time freezes for just a moment, as for the briefest instant, an entire sub-universe full of honey pops appears into existence in normal space just long enough to collapse under its own weight into a tiny black hole.
Milfeulle's eyes swirl. "Soooooo much sugar....."
The black hole does what Milfeulle couldn't. It starts drawing the robot toward itself - along with all the honey pops strewn around the floor - and in turn is attracted toward the drive discharge. Unfortunately it starts drawing in Milfeulle as well, who recovers from her momentary daze and grabs the floor. "WAAAAAAH! This is ridiculous! I'll NEVER eat honey again! ... Unless I need it for a recipe. Or it's really tasty honey. But that's IT!"
"HEY! Don't get hypnotized by powdered glucose!" Kitty shouts towards the girl, starting forward. And when the girl starts to get drawn in - that's Trouble with a capital TROUB. Milfie grabs the floor, and the floor -- grabs ..back?
Or it might seem that way - Kitty is no longer anywhere to be seen, but instead a pair of hands seem to have grown out of the floor and are clutching Milfie by the waist tightly so that she doesn't get sucked into the teeny black hole of DOOM. But then in the chaos, Milf probably won't even know - because Lockheed is currently clinging to the girl himself, perched on her stomach and refusing to budge for all the sugar in Sugarland. GOod thing he doesn't really have claws - but he's still pretty heavy for a cat! Come on black hole - close up so Kitty can let go already! Man. Who knew that all this could happen from a faulty vending machine? @.@
Milfeulle Sakuraba has a glazed look in her eye as she recalls the view from a few moments ago. "But it looked so tasty," she sighs, then frowns. "Or it would if they hadn't left the honey pops alone for so long. What a waste!" Also she eyes the mysterious arms popping out of the floor to hold her in place. Well that's a little odd. But it's no odder than anything else that's been happening.
But unfortunately, it may all be for naught. The tentacled vending machine's tentacles flail crazily as it gets pulled into the black hole, making a quite satisfying CRUNCH sound when it hits the event horizon. However, as the small black hole gets near the engine, arcs of energy and exotic particles start passing between them, and the hole slows; the interaction starts collapsing the entire ship, as the hole slowly passes into the drive system, turning the bright multi-colored lights into all black. The drive system turns into one big collapsar and Milfeulle and Kitty don't have to get pulled in themselves - the entire fabric of reality is curving around them as time and five spatial dimensions start folding in on themselves! "I don't think this is a good thing," wails Milfeulle as she holds onto Kitty and Lockheed for dear life, and it's the last thing she's able to say.
Outside, witnesses may notice the Lucky Star starting to geometrically fold in on itself in impossible angles, eventually disappearing from reality with a *POP*!
...
Thousands of years ago, in Space Year 50,000, outside a construction facility for the Angel Frames, a skeletally gaunt man, a tall pretty-boy, and a short and fat guy get out of their hovercar and stroll over to a public tele-monitor. "Yeah boss, the fix is in," says the thin man, Patrick. "All those donations to the space program paid off! We can install the vending machine today, and watch the money roll in," adds the pretty-boy, Jonathan. "Heh heh heh! Yeah, we got it in the trunk of the car right now," says the little fat man, Gasteau. "Let's hear it for Honey-Pops, yay!"
The conversation is interrupted when sixty-four million tons of spaceship phases into existence forty feet into the air, hovers for one second, and then falls to the ground, flattening everything in an eight-block area. *BOOM*
Including the three men's car. They can only stand there, with their mouths open, until they jump out of the way as an entry hatch unfolds from the ship and slams into the ground, flattening the phone booth for good measure. *CRASH*
Inside are Milfeulle and Kitty, looking out into the strange futuristic city of the past. "... Well huh," says Milfeulle. "I guess we're safe now!" She turns to Kitty and smiles brightly. "Need a ride somewhere?"
There's not a whole lot someone can do against a black hole! Or the entire fabric of reality curving around them for that matter. And after .. what happens next .. well.. well Kitty.. isn't quite sure exactly! What with one arm curled around Lockheed tightly, and being in turn clung to by Milfie, Kitty doesn't have a huge opportunity to take in what's going on, beyond the fact that in ordinary circumstances they'd be screwed!
She gives a small whoopof surprise at the sudden jolt of the ship crashing into the ground, flattening lots of things - and a car. Not that Kitty knows this. "Uh.." Carefully she uncurls, with her 'cat' climbing up onto her shoulder. "Uh -- no... no I think I'll manage all right. Your ship seems to be repaired too." She feels all sorts of weird. It must be the air. o_o Or the WEIRDNESS. Maybe she hallucinated that whole thing? "Yeah I'm okay, my zone isn't far I'll.. I think we'll walk. The air will do us good." She shakes her head a bit, getting to her feet. "Er -- well! It was nice meeting you Milfeulle. IF you're ever in New York look us up." But leave your psycho vending machines and black holes at home. ._.
The ship is in fact fully repaired. There may in fact be several explanations for this. One - if the vending machine was in fact destroyed before it could do any damage, then none of the preceding events could have possibly happened. Two - in theory, time slows to a stop at the event horizon of a black hole. Ergo, the repair drones could have had all the time in the universe to make repairs, fix the ship's systems and transit away from danger. Three - according to the law of conservation of energy, energy can neither be created or destroyed, therefore the Lucky Star from the past actually teleported from its launchpad several miles away to where Milfeulle, Kitty and Lockheed appeared in this time period, quantum transference actually causing every particle in the ship to randomly jump there by pure random chance, which really isn't so random, since it had to happen to zero all the equations. Four - Milfeulle's astounding luck made it all just turn out okay in time for the next episode. Any one of these would probably work.
Milfeulle herself, however, understands none of this. But then again, if you think that's complicated, try making recipes for French desserts sometime! At any rate, she doesn't question Kitty's claim that she can just walk home, despite this being an alien planet in Space Year 50,000. She's heard stranger things. "Okay!" she says. "It was great to meet you... hey!" She blinks her eyes, before pointing a finger. "You never told me your name! So what's your name?" She leans forward curiously, feeling that knowing the name of this solid-matter-oblivious girl is important. Perhaps it was the saving-Milfeulle's-life thing. Milfeulle grins. "Mine's Milfeulle Sakuraba! But I mentioned that already."
All of those theories are good ones, but they would probably give many scientologists headaches, not to mention anyone else who heard them. Kitty? Kitty can accept it just on the basis that she was there arguing with a hologram in a vending machine for thousand year old candy. Oh, and she is also very lucky that her credit card was not 0000. Man, that had to suck for those people Particularly Captain Time. (HAHA). "Me?" Kitty looks up as Lockheed is situating himself on her shoulder, "Its Kitty Pryde." She already introduced Lockheed - sort of. Nonetheless, the girl grins, lifting a hand to wave, "See you around, Milfeulle." And watch out for candy machines!