on the countryside 10
On The Countryside | Part 10 of ? | PG-13
notes → man, i'm so sorry. i've had this writer's block forever now. i promised last time i wouldn't make it 2 months this time, but i did. i'm really sorry. anyway, here's chapter 10! it's very short, but at least it's an update ;_;
"Sungmin, do you love him? Please, tell me if you do. I don't want my best friend to hurt like this if you don't. So, do you?"
It felt like his lungs punctured and his heart collapsed at the same time. Sungmin ended up staring at Donghae stupefied, small trembles running through his body in waves, the preceding always more painful than the former. He ran a nervous tongue over his chapped lips, eyes darting to the floor, counting the cracks in the wood.
"Sungmin, please," Donghae pushed, voice trembling now. Sungmin snapped his head up and stared into Donghae's eyes, wanting to say so much yet say nothing. Who was Donghae? What kind of person was he to just barge into his territory and then demand such things from him? He didn't know Donghae. Donghae didn't know him. They were strangers to each other. Donghae didn't have anything to do with him, and Sungmin didn't have anything to do with Donghae. Yet… Donghae was a link to Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun… was everything Sungmin had. Or wished he had.
"You don't know me," Sungmin mumbled lowly, taking a deep, shaky breath. "You don't know me. And I don't know you."
Donghae ran a frustrated hand through his hair and let out a groan. "I see where you come from, but please, Sungmin. I-" Donghae froze. "Kyuhyun, he-"
Sungmin jumped up from his chair in rage, making it fly backwards by the motion.
"Pardon if I'm being rude now, Mr. Donghae, but don't go all Sungmin on me. If Kyuhyun really cared, he would've been here now, not you. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some flowers to tend to. You may drink up your tea before you leave."
With those words, Sungmin marched off, heading towards the door.
-
He heard murmuring voices from inside, muffled by the wall separating him from them. There were both familiar voices, but he wouldn't believe it. What was he doing here?
Kyuhyun swallowed the lump in his throat and cast a glance at the garden, at beautiful flowers curled up, and he smiled sombrely as memories of not so long ago played in front of him. Maybe he was rushing things. Maybe he hadn't given them enough time to really feel the emotions. But he was in love. Rational thoughts were often forgotten then, weren't they? Was this just a fling, just like all his other past relationships? He often thought about it, but he didn't really believe it. He was in love with Lee Sungmin. It was probably too early to say that he loved him, but he was in love, and he wanted Sungmin to know. He also wanted to know if Sungmin felt the same about him.
They were still talking inside, and Kyuhyun stared at the blue car parked in front of him. What purpose had Donghae of going all the way to the countryside? It all seemed absurd.
Kyuhyun buried his face in his hands and inhaled sharply. What was he doing here? He was back at the countryside. He had just driven, without any purpose or without doing what he was supposed to do before going here. Just like last time. He hadn't spoken to Donghae. He hadn't fixed anything with himself. He had just… gone. It couldn't really be explained-it was like he was drawn to this place by some inhuman force. Irrationality. Love.
Kyuhyun made a move towards the door. He placed his fist right over the wood, ready to knock but hesitating. What if Sungmin didn't want to speak to him? Kyuhyun drew the fist back, placing it over his chest. Yes, what if? What did he have to lose? Everything. What did it matter? Everything. What could he gain?
In that moment the door swung open and literally knocked him off his feet. A second after Sungmin was hovering over him and a heartbeat later they collided. Kyuhyun let out a grunt before his eyes opened and landed upon the familiar face, scrunched up in pain.
"Sungmin-?"
Sungmin's eyes snapped open.
"Kyuhyun-!"
Another voice joined in.
"Kyuhyun?"
Sungmin and Kyuhyun's heads turned towards the door where Donghae observed them, eyes wide but smile twitching.
Kyuhyun's eyes widened. "Donghae?"
"I see you've run into each other," Donghae chirped, and Sungmin and Kyuhyun's eyes flew back to each other in an instant. It went exactly two seconds before it dawned upon them, and Sungmin jumped off of Kyuhyun faster than Kyuhyun could stutter an apology.
"I'm so sorry, Sungmin, I didn't-"
"Why are you apologizing? It was me who-"
"I shouldn't have left-"
"I shouldn't have told you to leave-"
"I'm sorry for everything I-"
"Why did you leave?"
A silence descended upon them, and Donghae silently reversed into the house. Kyuhyun scratched the nape of his neck and Sungmin put his arms around himself.
"I'm sorry," Kyuhyun mumbled lamely, at a loss for anything else to say. Sungmin hummed and looked down at the ground, not saying anything. Kyuhyun sighed.
"Look-"
"It's okay, you don't have to-" Sungmin interrupted hastily, voice trembling. Kyuhyun arched an eyebrow.
"Why-"
"Please don't." Sungmin nibbled at his lower lip. "I don't think I can stand to hear it, whether it be positive or negative, although I doubt the former more than I probably should."
"Sungmin…"
Unsure eyes landed upon Kyuhyun. "Yeah?"
"I really like you."
A sharp intake of breath and then silence.
Kyuhyun fumbled up on his feet and reached out a hand for Sungmin. Sungmin took it reluctantly, eyes not meeting Kyuhyun's.
"It's not just something I'm saying. I really do. I've been a fool, Sungmin. An idiot. Retard. Asshole. Coward. Most of all a coward. I thought I could manage without you, but as soon as I drove away-" Kyuhyun ran a hand through his hair. "I can't do it. I really can't.
"I know I might be pushing it, I might be forcing myself upon you, but I just- Sungmin, I've never felt this way about, well, anyone. I'm torn."
"What… What do you mean?"
His eyes met Kyuhyun's, and they just stared at each other soundlessly.
"Sungmin, do you… Is there any chance that you might… Um… Do I have a chance…with you?" Kyuhyun's lower lip was shuddering, eyes gleaming. Sungmin stared at Kyuhyun wide-eyed, seconds ticking by. A wind rushed between them, cold and biting, and a shudder went through Kyuhyun because he knew what was coming now.
Sungmin buried his face in his hands and shook his head, sobbing quietly.
"I… I can't. I can't do this right now."
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