on the countryside 9
On The Countryside | Part 9 of ? | PG-13
notes → it's been a while. sorry! ;;
It was unfair. It was so unfair.
"Oh, so this is the real reason you left Sungminnie?"
Kyuhyun felt anger boil inside of him, but at the same time he felt so cheated and hurt by Shindong's words. How could he even one second assume that… that… It just wasn't fair, at all.
"No," Kyuhyun growled, untangling from Ryeowook's arms and towering over Shindong. "No, this is not the reason, and I didn't leave Sungmin. I would never. You just - You don't understand!"
What Kyuhyun had hoped would be a strong comeback was utterly destroyed as his voice cracked into a sob at the end of the sentence, and the tears he'd had earlier started flowing like a river again. He hid his face in his hands, and Ryeowook was by his side in an instant, patting his shaking shoulders.
"Shh, it's alright Kyuhyun. It's alright. We know," he soothed, bringing his arms around his friend and urging him to move in the direction of the bedroom. Shindong was silent as Ryeowook led the incoherent Kyuhyun away.
When Ryeowook reappeared in the living room, he looked sadly at Shindong who stood helplessly in the middle of the living room.
"Kyuhyun… He just needs to fix some things with himself," Ryeowook explained in a calm voice, taking over for Kyuhyun. "He fought with his friend just before he met Sungmin, and, from what I have gathered, he wants to make up with him before moving on. Kyuhyun has had, uhm, what to say… His past relationships haven't ended that well and I think he just wants to make sure he can fix at least one he destroyed so he knows that he is capable of having a relationship with someone. Does that make sense? I think both you and me know that Kyuhyun doesn't want to hurt Sungmin, and none of us wants Sungmin to be hurt either, right?"
Shindong nodded slowly, biting his lips as Ryeowook's words got to him.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed that you…" Shindong started, grimacing at the end of the sentence in regret. Ryeowook smiled warmly.
"Don't worry. Just let Kyuhyun know and I'm sure it'll be fine."
-
The door rung, and Kyuhyun asked Ryeowook to go get it. He was still lying in bed, emptying his eyes for all the tears he had. It was exhausting, so just the thought of standing up was dizzying.
Ryeowook entered the bedroom with Jungsu behind him, both standing in the doorway facing Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun looked at Jungsu briefly, murmured a greeting before turning to his side and crying silently into his pillow again. Jungsu didn't seem to approve of that, so he stomped into the room and threw the blanket aside.
"Cho Kyuhyun, just what is this I'm hearing?" he yelled, making Kyuhyun freeze.
"Stand up," Jungsu ordered, and Kyuhyun obediently did. He stared confusedly at Ryeowook, but Ryeowoo wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Kyuhyun," Jungsu started calmly, putting his hands on both sides of Kyuhyun's face as soon as Kyuhyun was up on his feet. "Look me in the eyes. When I said that you should take a break to gather your thoughts, I didn't mean for you to break yours and Sungmin's hearts! Do you not have a mind of your own? And didn't I tell you to think with a clear head?" he scolded, frowning worriedly.
"I don't have all the insight of the situation and I'm no wise, omniscient man. You should've known better if things really is as it is! What were you thinking?" Jungsu continued, hands on Kyuhyun's shoulders now and shaking him.
Kyuhyun couldn't form a word; he just stared sadly into Jungsu's eyes, tears still running. Jungsu sighed, letting go of Kyuhyun and crossing his arms over his chest.
"I just want the best for you. You're like my real brother, Kyuhyun, and I love you. I also know how much you love Sungmin, so please… please just - just do things right. Please."
Kyuhyun let out a sob and nodded solemnly.
Jungsu then brought Kyuhyun into a tight hug.
"We're here for you. Please just be happy and make Sungmin happy. We're here for you."
-
It made sense, really.
At least that’s what Sungmin told himself. It made sense. The way his world crumbled together as Kyuhyun’s car went out of sight, it made sense. The way his heart broke, shattered, bled. Why wouldn’t it? What was there not to understand?
Sungmin wasn’t stupid. Sungmin wasn’t stupid, and he recognized his feelings pretty quickly too. The only problem he had was that he had a tendency to suppress feelings and neglect them, sometimes-too often-for too long. His feelings for Kyuhyun weren’t an exception.
Sungmin had known for sure when Kyuhyun kissed him under the fullmoon what his true feelings were, but he had been scared. Terrified, even. He was reminded of his past, of the reason why he ran away in the first place. However, Sungmin wasn’t irrational either, so he knew that the reason he had run away five years ago were not the same reasons as to why he stayed.
Five years ago he had loved a monster, darkness disguised for six months behind a chirpy dolphin laughter and wide grin. Disguised by sweet words and hot breaths, by tender touches and wet kisses. Sungmin had been seventeen and foolish, letting the nightmare go on for half a year. He had pushed away everyone who had meant anything to him, just to fall into the darkness, just to walk into the cage voluntarily, watching silently as the bars fell around him.
But he was twenty-three now, and he was free. He had pushed Kyuhyun away out of habit, because Sungmin knew. He knew about Kyuhyun’s feelings; it was so obvious, but he wouldn’t believe it. He was so scared that things would continue in the same cycle, that Kyuhyun would treat him well for six months before another nightmare begun. Kyuhyun was different though. Kyuhyun didn’t have this dark glint in his eyes. Kyuhyun was different. But now he was gone, and it was all Sungmin’s fault.
Sungmin buried his head between his knees and took deep breaths, calming his sobs. Some days had passed, Sungmin didn’t honestly know how many, but the sun had set and the sun had risen and set and risen so many times he couldn’t keep up with it anymore. He woke up at strange hours and fell asleep shortly after, only to wake up again after few minutes while screaming and clawing around him, nightmare fresh in memory. Then he would cry when he figured out he was all alone again.
He was running short for food, but had no energy to call and order some. He didn’t have any appetite either, so it didn’t matter. He hadn’t showered in days, but he didn’t care if he smelt or was sweaty because no one else was around so he didn’t have to stay clean.
In weak moments, he had been thinking about giving up. Kyuhyun had been the only light he’d had in years, but now he was gone, so what was there left for him? Loneliness? Sungmin would rather die. He had been lonely for too long, so he refused to welcome the loneliness with open arms. He wanted Kyuhyun. He needed Kyuhyun, just like Kyuhyun somehow needed him.
It just wasn't fair.
-
Sungmin was watering his pot-flowers when the sound of braking wheels sounded from outside. His heart was beating rapidly and he let go of the watering pot, taking shaky steps towards the window in his kitchen to see who it was. The car parked in front of his home was unfamiliar to him. It was blue, and neither Shindong nor Kyuhyun owned a blue car. Could it be…?
Heart in his throat, he ran over to his door and turned all the locks, ran to all the windows and made sure to draw the curtains over. When everything was locked and secure, he curled into a ball in the middle of the living room and concentrating on his breathing. How had they found him? Why were they coming now? Why -
"Hello?"
A voice sounded. It was a dark, soothing voice, slightly purring, and it didn't belong to any of them. It was… a stranger? Who was this? Sungmin stared confusedly at the door, brows knitted into a frown.
"Hello? Anybody at home? I'm Lee Donghae," the man on the other side of the door said and knocked. "I'm a friend of Kyuhyun's. Lee Sungmin, right? Please open up."
Sungmin stared wide-eyed at the door, mouth hanging open and shaking all over. A friend of Kyuhyun's? How had he… Had Kyuhyun told him where he lived? Did anyone else know? He whimpered in fear and drew the pink fleece blanket tightly around himself, bringing his knees to his chest.
"This guy, Shindong, gave me directions to your house. He's a friend of yours. Please, I know you're in there. I just - I really need to talk to you."
Sungmin gulped. It was Shindong who'd given Donghae his address? Why would he…
"Please. I won't harm you or anything. Just… please. I'm desperate! Kyuhyun and I… Sungmin, I really, really need to talk to you. It's so weird yelling through the door, so just… open up? Pretty please?"
Shindong would never have sent someone who would harm him to his door. Sungmin is sure of that. So Donghae really just needed to talk to him? Sungmin bit down on his lower lip, contemplating to let Donghae in.
Sungmin rose from the floor and dawdled over to the door. He unlocked all the locks and opened the door, the hinges squeaking. As the door was pushed aside, his eyes landed upon a somber looking guy. He had dark brown hair, a look of relief in his eyes and a sad smile.
"Hi. So you are Sungmin," Donghae said while smiling, voice so low that Sungmin barely heard it. Sungmin nodded slowly, gripping the door as if he was clinging for his life.
"Can I come in?"
Sungmin nodded slowly again, but made no sign to move. Donghae chuckled nervously and looked down at his feet.
"I'm sorry I'm just showing up like this, but it's an emergency. Or, rather a personal emergency. It's about Kyuhyun," Donghae continued, looking Sungmin in the eyes now. Sungmin was momentarely stunned, staring confusedly at the man.
"K - Kyuhyun?" he whispered. "Has - Has something happened?"
He felt the world crumble around him again, and it churned inside his stomach. However, Donghae just shook his head.
"No. Or, not really. Please let me in?"
Sungmin sighed and moved aside so Donghae could enter.
"Would you like a cup of tea?" Sungmin asked as he made his way into the kitchen. Donghae sat down on the couch, elbows resting on his knees and wiped his face with the palms of his hands.
"Yes, please."
"Sugar? Milk?"
"No sugar, please. But a drop of milk if you have?"
Sungmin felt the tears pressing and he looked up in the ceiling, taking a deep breath.
"Ah, sorry, no milk. Still no milk. I've - I've got some cream though. Would - Would you like t-that?"
"Sure. Thanks."
Sungmin gave him a brief smile before he proceeded with making the tea. It was weird really, how alike Donghae and Kyuhyun was. It almost hurt. It was like having Kyuhyun with him again, but at the same time… not.
When the tea was done he put the single cup on the saloon table and brought a chair from the kitchen into the living room so he could sit on it, facing Donghae. Donghae took the cup with a murmur of gratitude, careful to blow on it so it would cool down first.
"So, what - what did you need to talk to me about?" Sungmin asked, putting his arms around himself. Donghae was silent for a moment, staring down in his cup of tea.
"Kyuhyun really loves you, I hope you know that," Donghae started, and Sungmin felt his cheeks flush and heart pound. He brought his arms tighter around himself and looked at his knees.
"Before he drove away from Seoul and ended up here, we… Kyuhyun and I had a fight. What we fought about is not really important, but it really hurt, for both of us I think. However, I've been too much of a coward to really confront him about it. Kyuhyun ran away anyway so…"
Sungmin looked at him confusedly. "Why are you telling me this?"
Donghae caught his eyes and nibbled his lower lip, exhaling through his nose.
"What I'm trying to say is, Kyuhyun doesn't love easily. He has had many, many failed relationships earlier, but this one… With you it's different. He really, really cares about you. I don't know why he's not here or why he hasn't told you yet - I haven't spoken to him since that fight we had, but… I talked to Shindong and two of his closest friends. I just… I just need to know… Sungmin, do you love him? Please, tell me if you do. I don't want my best friend to hurt like this if you don't. So, do you?"
«( Interlude)»
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lol kyuhyun. he says one sentence and then cries the rest of the chapter.