[SuJu] The Oracle 4/?

Jun 13, 2010 09:50

Title: The Oracle
Chapter: 4/?
Rating: PG13 for now
Genre: Crack, at the bare minimum.
Pairings: None predetermined. Qmi and Eunteuk previously introduced. Who knows what's next.
Summary: That afternoon, there were only nine on stage to accept their whoknowswhatnumberth win at Music Bank. That afternoon, the world ended. Almost.
Notes: Inconsistencies with IRL characters may exist. Awfully sarcastic and cliche-based. Chaptered because 15,000 words of crack is a little much to digest at once, lol.

The Oracle
Chapter Four: If the world ever ends, here's my bucket list.


Apart from always being correct, granted that his unsaid intelligence always made it correct, Kyuhyun's logic was infallible. With the world having mysteriously disappeared--more importantly, with North Korea's populace having mysteriously disappeared--there clearly was no more need for an army, if such an army even existed still. And with the world having mysteriously disappeared--more importantly, with the moviegoers and movie producers having suddenly disappeared--there clearly was no more need for any actors. Therefore, Kyuhyun reasoned that the ever elusive Kangin and Kibum could surely be found. After all, his infallible logic told him there was no point in wallowing in his distress for his lost sister, never mind the whole world in general, and so if he was to make himself useful he'd at least locate his fellow band members.

As cliche as it seemed, he first searched the local pubs. Not that he knew them well, of course he didn't, but Kibum liked his alcohol and Kangin had several run-ins there. So the pub wasn't an illogical place to go looking for them by any means. But of course, they ended up not being there, but not because Kyuhyun's logic was off--that would never be off. He was just...wrong. Of the sort.

He looked next in Super Junior's dorms. Somehow, in a dream once, he'd always imagined one of the two bursting into the dorms once, screaming to his band mates apologies of prolonged absences, crying joyous rivers of tears. He was quite sure a fan had secretly implanted the dreams into his head in his sleep, because while the fans never saw Kibum or Kangin, it didn't necessarily mean he and the rest of Super Junior didn't either. Then again, if a fan had sneaked into the dorms, implanting fake dreams into his subconscious wouldn't have been the only thing she (presumably she, anyway) would've done.

But again, he found nothing there, though he did find the faucet leaking water; Heechul hadn't closed the tap all the way, it'd seemed. He'd also found, quite accidentally, Yesung's End-of-the-World Bucket list, though Kyuhyun wasn't quite sure whether to call it a sheer accident or a calling towards what did very much seem like the end of the world.

Did Yesung know the world was going to end? Kyhyun doubted it. His hyung was filled with fail to begin with ("Not my words," he reminded himself to shake the guilt), but a mere look at the list made it quite clear that Yesung's idea of the end of the world was quite far-fetched from their current predicament. For example, "1) Feed the turtle." and "4) Activate Ddangkoma's superpowers" weren't exactly what usually formed a bucket list... though this was Yesung.

Though it was meant to distract him from his initial frustrations, trying to find Kibum and Kangin in a world already devoid of human life only made him more ticked off. How hard was it to find two men in a world with no people in it? It wasn't like the world was a large place to look in or anything....

...unless...they'd disappeared, too?

The thought alone only scared Kyuhyun.

In the end, Kangin was found in a local department store, browsing through the different makeup and eye shadows. The older man claimed he'd just been found in a rather inconvenient time and that he'd actually been looking at some manly man things only moments before, but the carts of lipstick didn't really prove his point much.

"I was running errands!" Kangin protested weakly. "Before...you know...all this happened."

One wave around at the empty store was enough.

"Do you know where Kangin is?" Kyuhyun asked, dropping the subject. "Or any of Super Junior, really."

"I'm right here."

Kyuhyun frowned. "Oh, I meant Kibum. Do you know where he is?"

Kangin shrugged. "Last I heard, he was on that underwater submarine voyage filming that one scene."

Kyuhyun froze. His first thoughts had been somewhat humorous; Kangin, of course the submarine voyage was underwater. But then, a new thought struck him, one that caused him only to panic further: What if Kibum was drowning?

"We should rescue him," Kyuhyun said determinedly, and Kangin nodded bravely. "Where'd you say the submarine was?"

The plan was simple. Dive underwater, break open submarine, rescue Kibum, return to surface. The first part was easy, granted they'd received training during their airtime on EHB. Breathing underwater was hardly an issue, and even though Kangin was the last person on whom Kyuhyun wanted to place his mouth ("You'll just spit water in my face!" Kyuhyun protested, much to Kangin's amusement) it was the only plan Kyuhyun had.

But breaking open the submarine?

That was where Yesung's bucket list came into play.

"I wonder how you activate its superpowers?" Kangin pondered, reading through Yesung's list one more time. "No hints...nothing."

"Try scaring it?" offered Kyuhyun, to which Kangin shrugged before giving the poor turtle one of the scariest raccoon-bear growls he could muster.

No effect.

"We...might be here a while...."

In the end, Kyuhyun had an idea, and because his infallible logic told him to do so, they put it to the test. As Kyuhyun predicted, Kangin really did spit in his face during their sad excuse for a kiss, not that Kyuhyun really wanted to call it one. But once Kyuhyun had gotten the air he needed he took a plunge into a water, and it was only then he remembered they only really needed to kiss to replenish air and not at the very start.

Kangin probably knew that too.

The submarine was in sight. Kibum had to be in it, right?--there weren't that many submarines off the coast of South Korea after all, unless it was a secret submarine filled with North Korean torpedoes or something. But that possibility aside this had to be it, and so with much confidence he released Ddangkoma in the direction of the submarine.

Even though it only came out as bubbles, Kyuhyun shouted/yelled/bubbled "Yesung and Ryeowook are in there drowning. Save them, Ddangkoma!"

And before his very eyes, Ddangkoma sped towards the ship at a speed rivaling a bullet (probably faster than a bullet, since he was underwater), and with quite the underwater bang Ddangkoma pierced a rather large hole into the submarine, as if it hadn't been made of sturdy metal.

"I wonder if Ddangkoma's a snapping turtle..." Kyuhyun whispered/wondered/bubbled.

Because Kyuhyun wasn't quite confident in his remaining amount of oxygen level, he pulled on Kangin's leg in request for more air. It all went well until the very end, when Kangin (purposefully, it seemed) bit Kyuhyun's lip before sending him off to Kibum's rescue; Kyuhyun was quite sure he caught a smirk on the damn bastard's face, too.

If he wanted in maknae's pants, why didn't he just say so already?

Rescuing Kibum was harder than anticipated. Kyuhyun cursed/bubbled, "You're in a damn submarine, how much more elusive can you get, really?" though the only response he got was Ddangkoma's flippant...shrug? That, or the turtle was trying to point Kyuhyun in the right direction, but with that turtle Kyuhyun could never be sure.

The latter was true, it seemed, because in the direction of the turtle's flippers was a rock, and beneath the rock was an unconscious Kibum. Throughout his rescue Kyuhyun sincerely began to wonder why there was a rock on the submarine to begin with, though it seemed nowadays anything was possible with movie plots....

But Kibum was heavier than anticipated, and ultimately Ddangkoma had been the one to give Kibum a ride back to surface, on its shell. Kyuhyun was forced to tail behind, eyes wide in mystification at the turtle he'd always thought to be either chronically dead or vegetative.

One day, he'd have to apologize to Yesung.

Maybe.

Chapter 4 end

Chapter 5 may or may not entail SuJu's encounters in whereverthehelltheyarenow. Or, chapter 5 may or may not entail whateverthefuckhappenedwithHangenginChina.

genre: crack, rating: pg-13, pairing: kangin/kyuhyun, type: series

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