Funny old day.
So my decree absolute came through. I am now single and free to re-marry, if I wish. It's quite a strange feeling, even after Sara and I being apart for all this time. I'm very glad it's all over and done with now but I...well, I just don't know. I'm sat here in a room in the house I share with two other guys and I'm wondering where I am. The last couple of years of upheaval and quiet desperation have been challenging, but I've stood up, stepped forward and taken it all in the way a man should...maybe successfully, mostly gracefully and, hopefully, with a fair measure of dignity.
So here I am, sat here in this room in my house. Housemate #1 is downstairs shagging his girlfriend. Housemate #2 is in the next room arguing with his wife. I'm feeling mostly okay, a little down in all honesty, but mostly okay...and the thought that keeps pushing its way into my head is that I just don't feel like I belong anywhere at the moment. I have work, I have blaadyblah and the kids and I have the bands...but I just want to settle somewhere, put the last few years behind me. I'm ready to let go of it all now, all the pain and madness...I'm done. I like being me. I like laughing and singing and making love. I like TV and sunshine and East Grinstead.
I like being happy.
But the melancholy stirs. I suppose it's natural to feel a bit off on days like these. I don't know. This is my first time being divorced, so forgive me if I can't be considered an expert witness on it.
Never mind. There's another day tomorrow, stuffed to the gunwhals with more potential challenges, pain, happiness, experience. Those too will be met and those too, like today, will be the little milestones that map your journey through this life, each one marking a step closer to where you wish to be. Important times, like chapters in a book.
So maybe this is the ending of this chapter?
I don't know.
Let's turn to the next page, shall we? :-)
So here I am, sat here in this room in my house. Housemate #1 is downstairs shagging his girlfriend. Housemate #2 is in the next room arguing with his wife. I'm feeling mostly okay, a little down in all honesty, but mostly okay...and the thought that keeps pushing its way into my head is that I just don't feel like I belong anywhere at the moment. I have work, I have blaadyblah and the kids and I have the bands...but I just want to settle somewhere, put the last few years behind me. I'm ready to let go of it all now, all the pain and madness...I'm done. I like being me. I like laughing and singing and making love. I like TV and sunshine and East Grinstead.
I like being happy.
But the melancholy stirs. I suppose it's natural to feel a bit off on days like these. I don't know. This is my first time being divorced, so forgive me if I can't be considered an expert witness on it.
Never mind. There's another day tomorrow, stuffed to the gunwhals with more potential challenges, pain, happiness, experience. Those too will be met and those too, like today, will be the little milestones that map your journey through this life, each one marking a step closer to where you wish to be. Important times, like chapters in a book.
So maybe this is the ending of this chapter?
I don't know.
Let's turn to the next page, shall we? :-)