so i started hanging out with this girl and being mad social in december of last year. that came to a pretty tidy close in mid january. i have no desire to continue with that life
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thanks. it's good (in a way?) to know that i'm not alone in that feeling. lately, i've had to assume i'm the one with the problem, i'm the asshole for not wanting to go to parties with 40 people when maybe 2 of them are worth talking to. it's just silly, to me, this incessant need to get fucked up and socialize. i don't feel like i'm doing anything except adding more exclamation points to "I'M AT ODDS WITH COMMON SOCIETY!!!!!!"
i feel better this way - hanging low, focusing on me. it's emotionally draining to keep trying to find someone worth your time. you meet potentials, get excited, get let down. it starts to feel like it's your fault, too, like you should be more accepting, more embracing of everyone despite their flaws. i am, to a certain extent, especially if the goal is to be friends. who wants to accept a shitload of flaws when it comes to someone with whom you're going to be spending the majority of your time, though? am i supposed to just jump into whatever open arms i find? i'd rather hold out for someone that really makes me happy, really pushes me to be a better person. lately the girls i've been meeting seem to accentuate things about myself that i'm trying to correct (excessive alcohol/drug use, legitimate misanthropy, etc).
more than anything, it's weird to me that relationships became so difficult for me suddenly. or, not even difficult, but something i can choose to not start. it used to be that anyone who showed me attention would be someone i would want to date. that's definitely not the case anymore.
anyway. again, thank you. reading this made me feel better.
I'm glad I could help in some way. Sometimes it's just nice to know that while you feel alone, you aren't alone. While I can't relate (anymore) to the feeilngs you are having toward relationships, I share the same general feelings with you. I've been living in Chicago a year 1/2 now and I really don't have ANY friends outside of Jon. Not in one of those pathetic clingy relationship ways either. I mean I have people I do certain activities with... people I get together to run with or whatever. but not anyone who wants to just come over and hangout in sweatpants and watch tv or share a bottle of wine and just bullshit for hours. Ya know... FRIENDS. I feel like the reason I can't find any is because they are all probably sitting inside wondering how you meet anyone if you arent into going out and drinking with large groups of people. because it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack to find a quality person in those types of social environments. lame.
and furthermore, it's hard for me since I basically completely changed my lifestyle since college. I mean... that's my own fault I guess that I dont' want to do the same things as the friends I made want to do.I don't just want to sit around and drink and get high and do nothing for hours anymore. I mean... okay yeah sometimes I do want to do that haha. just not regularly. I like being active and feeling healthy and full of energy. I'm more positive and I feel like my old life and the people in it were much more negative. People just insecure and trying to bring others down. I don't want to be surrounded by that. Quality people are hard to come by. I'm so sick of petty bullshit.
anyone who wants to just come over and hangout in sweatpants and watch tv or share a bottle of wine and just bullshit for hours
because people are so obsessed with the idea/image of being out. i have a friend who, a couple fridays ago (maybe even a thursday?), was so obsessed with the idea of needing to be out and around a bunch of people that she was calling up anyone she could find who might be having a party or just a get together. it was frustrating because i was content to just chill and catch up and she HAD to be OUT. we wound up going to a party full of gay guys and their dangerously obese (300+lb) girlfriends, wherein one of the gay guys/gay guys' girlfriends asked me if i was a gay jew. real cool. glad i didn't miss out on that.
she comes over to my apartment and lives with me from time to time and she always mentions that she hates oak park because she feels so isolated from all of the parties she could be going to and people she could be seeing. it's funny... that's why i like it. i think you and i are in the process (or final stages) of becoming adults and everyone i meet is fighting to stay a college student. disregarding their job, drinking constantly, avoiding responsibility at all cost. it's sad.
we should collect all the worthwhile people we've met in our lives and just relocate to a commune. sometimes that seems like the closest i could get to perfect.
Haha yeah not a bad plan!! I have a few friends like that too... the ones who have to figure out what the "cool thing" to do is. I had one friend in college that would always piss me off. She'd call to see what I was up to and then kinda... get back to me later or make plans and flake out if something "cooler" was happening. Very rude. Gotta have something to tell everyone that you did or to post pictures of yourself drunk and silly on facebook, I guess. how else will anyone know you're worth a damn if you arent being seen!? Tonight I am going to meet up with a couple friends downtown to see some fireworks haha. I guess I like the idea of a spontaneous thing like that, fireworks in february. why the heck not? I'll have to come by sometime in my very best sweatpants with a cheap bottle of wine. Of course what will we talk about if we arent out doing cool shit? oh dang.
we can talk about how fucking lame we are. i always feel like constantly retelling stories of events that have occurred in my life/having photographic evidence on goddamn facebook cheapens the experience. i love my experiences because they are my own. they don't need to be validated or proven to anyone; i know that they happened, i know what they mean to me. it's sad to me how dedicated our generation is to proving they're as meaningful/worth talking about as celebrities. we should sit them all down and explain that you are only as relevant as the lives you've affected, and that the quantity of friends your facebook/myspace account has is meaningless. humanity works best when we are looking out for each other, not looking for ways to top each other socially.
i think sole (whiteboy rapper) put it best in 2004 when he said:
my old cliche: my would-be peers are more caught up in image than speaking the truth.
i feel better this way - hanging low, focusing on me. it's emotionally draining to keep trying to find someone worth your time. you meet potentials, get excited, get let down. it starts to feel like it's your fault, too, like you should be more accepting, more embracing of everyone despite their flaws. i am, to a certain extent, especially if the goal is to be friends. who wants to accept a shitload of flaws when it comes to someone with whom you're going to be spending the majority of your time, though? am i supposed to just jump into whatever open arms i find? i'd rather hold out for someone that really makes me happy, really pushes me to be a better person. lately the girls i've been meeting seem to accentuate things about myself that i'm trying to correct (excessive alcohol/drug use, legitimate misanthropy, etc).
more than anything, it's weird to me that relationships became so difficult for me suddenly. or, not even difficult, but something i can choose to not start. it used to be that anyone who showed me attention would be someone i would want to date. that's definitely not the case anymore.
anyway. again, thank you. reading this made me feel better.
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anyone who wants to just come over and hangout in sweatpants and watch tv or share a bottle of wine and just bullshit for hours
because people are so obsessed with the idea/image of being out. i have a friend who, a couple fridays ago (maybe even a thursday?), was so obsessed with the idea of needing to be out and around a bunch of people that she was calling up anyone she could find who might be having a party or just a get together. it was frustrating because i was content to just chill and catch up and she HAD to be OUT. we wound up going to a party full of gay guys and their dangerously obese (300+lb) girlfriends, wherein one of the gay guys/gay guys' girlfriends asked me if i was a gay jew. real cool. glad i didn't miss out on that.
she comes over to my apartment and lives with me from time to time and she always mentions that she hates oak park because she feels so isolated from all of the parties she could be going to and people she could be seeing. it's funny... that's why i like it. i think you and i are in the process (or final stages) of becoming adults and everyone i meet is fighting to stay a college student. disregarding their job, drinking constantly, avoiding responsibility at all cost. it's sad.
we should collect all the worthwhile people we've met in our lives and just relocate to a commune. sometimes that seems like the closest i could get to perfect.
Reply
I'll have to come by sometime in my very best sweatpants with a cheap bottle of wine. Of course what will we talk about if we arent out doing cool shit? oh dang.
Reply
i think sole (whiteboy rapper) put it best in 2004 when he said:
my old cliche:
my would-be peers are more caught up in image than speaking the truth.
Reply
Reply
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