(no subject)
~THE LIGHTNING POST~
6th edition, April 4th, y20348
Serial Planter on the Loose?!
Recently, a large garden-like area has been manufactured under what seems to be a span of one month. Garden-creator Youmu Konpaku had stated that she made it in order to continue the tradition of the annual flower-viewing festival that takes place every spring. Even though we're on a spaceship, spring fever should still be floating around. Youmu also said that all those interested are invited to attend. Bring snacks, friends, or even alcohol. Whatever makes you feel comfortable is what will make this year's festival a success.
Youmu blatantly put that attending the garden before or after the festival is prohibited, and security measures will be taken to ensure this. We don't know how serious such a small girl can be, but we'll report her concern anyways.
Youmu says that if anyone has any questions about the festival, to contact her directly. And that the date is undecided as of yet, so stay patient, refugees!
Blackout Damages Climb; Lawsuits Pending
The final toll for damages and injuries resulting from the recent shipwide blackout is still being assessed, but preliminary totals are in the millions of credits. Several lawsuits have already been filed, with more pending. "Look at the damage to my shop!" hollered one plaintiff. "And now my spouse is in the hospital!"
Several Vogon countersuits have been filed, as well, citing waivers signed by residents, and the staff of the S.S. Thor denies all legal responsibility.
Earth Holiday Research Pays Off
The S.S. Thor Heritage Committee is reportedly quite pleased with the results of their research into the holidays of that obscure planet once known as Earth. "We thought the refugees would feel more comfortable experiencing holidays they were familiar with," a spokesperson explained, pointing to the holiday program as an explanation for the lower-than-expected crime rate among refugees.
That wasn't quite the last word on the subject, however. An anonymous source within the committee also stated, "I don't care if it works or not. These holidays are fun!"
Will the Real Mogwai Please Stand Up?
According to crew and passenger reports, there have been a sudden influx in the count of what can only be described as Gremlins. These creatures apparently use the cover of the night in order to cause serious physical (along with emotional and mental) harm to all denizens of the S.S. Thor, not to mention the mass havoc brought about by suddenly faulty appliances. It should be noted that these creatures are in no way affiliated with normal shipboard sales on the Thor, and are therefore considered illegally downloaded purchased off the black market.
Masked Caper Aboard Ship!!!
What began as a series of missing items and/or persons has evolved into a baffling case of Slogarian proportions! Last month, authorities received numerous complaints of stolen property from all over the ship. The items in mention were in themselves unremarkable, but that did not deter the officers in charge of the case. "Property is property and it belongs to someone! It is my solemn oath to the people of this ship that we will apprehend this kleptomaniac and bring him to justice!" One officer proclaimed. A victim of the serial thief claimed to have caught sight of the heinous criminal.
"I was letting my pet rock Frufru warm itself in the light," began the hysteric Zorgasnork. "And I had just closed my eye for a moment when a shadow passed over. When I looked to see what it was, a man with a large black cape was speeding away and Frufru was gone!" This is only one of several similar and gruesome examples.
The only link authorities have between the cases is the various black feathers the caper leaves behind, leading them to believe that this man wears a pillow stuffed with black feathers over his head to conceal his identity. Residents are asked not to panic and to inform the proper authorities if they have any clues as to the thief's location or identity. When we interviewed a refugee on the matter, he believed this was clearly further proof of the planet Dessertian's, last month's travel destination, correct religious standing. He also had this to say: "BLACK IS THE DEVIL, BLACK IS THE DEVIL, BLACK IS THE DE-!!!" So on and so forth.
Religious Rebound!
Back on the planet Dessert, there has been a sudden surge in religious activity. Sources say that the recent revival of faith is due to a mystical appearance of a young boy with white hair, suddenly turning otherwise deadly sandworms into works of art. And, get this, he managed to do so by freezing them inside giant blocks of ice! To commemorate this event, these magnificently monstrous monuments have been declared holy sites, to which locals are making pilgrimages as you read this! All throughout the planet, cries of "All hail Lord Invis-O-Bill!" can be heard. However, give it a year, and surely the fad will die out.
Refugees Band Together in Daring Rescue
When one of their number was kidnapped by natives of Dessert, a sizable group of refugees joined together in a mass rescue mission, establishing a desert base and working tirelessly for his safe return. The victim, reported to be a Mr. Xerxes Break, was recovered safely, but this reporter finds the community spirit these refugees demonstrated just as heartwarming as the successful conclusion to their mission.
HELP WANTED
Maintenance
x) The S.S. Thor needs Window Cleaners. Slots: [8] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The S.S. Thor needs light-bulb changers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The S.S. Thor needs gardeners for spring planting time. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Non-Edible Jelly tree planters needed for the gardens. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
Delivery
x) Pizzaxis needs Delivery Boys (all genders may apply). Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
x) The Lightning Post needs someone to deliver the paper. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
Culinary
x) Dingo's Chicken Fried Kangaroo: where Down Under means Up Above in great grease! Home of the Infamous Roo Paws -- is in need of Roo Wranglers. Go out and fetch the kangaroos! ... Just don't ask the man with the bloody apron behind the counter what they get used for. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Dairy Freeze needs ice cream cart operators. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Froods' Excellent Party Services needs waiters for catered events. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The Devil's Nest needs Bartenders. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) MakiMaki Sushi needs sushi chefs. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
Sales
x) Qesvz Party Supplies needs balloon distributors. (mascot costume required) Slots: [3] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Saved Soles needs shoe repair people. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Cosplay Barn needs retail clerks to model and sell their line of costumes. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Health and Safety
x) St. Xlakkyr XVII Memorial Hospital needs receptionists. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Onassi Marglefweep Bio-Tech Industries needs DNA donors. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Dr. R.F. Putrecyde needs laboratory cleaners. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
x) St. Xlakkyr XVII Memorial Hospital needs orderlies. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Serenity Psychiatric Group needs relationship counselors. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The S.S. Thor needs laboratory inspectors. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Culture and Couture
x) Mr. E. Bunny needs junior egg hiders. (bunny ears and tail required) Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Mr. E. Bunny needs egg decorators. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Space Chic magazine needs photographers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Local band We Fight Snorflaxx needs roadies. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Froods' Excellent Party Services needs DJs. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Magic Marauder Studios needs beta testers. Slots: [6] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Channel 5 needs newscasters. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
Education
x) The S.S. Thor needs students. Slots: [unlimited] Pay: [Minimum] [***SPECIAL****]
x) The S.S. Thor needs Day-Care Sitters. [Slots: 5] [Pay: Minimum]
x) The S.S. Thor needs teachers. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) The Seen Library needs librarians. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
Miscellaneous
x) Sally's Sea Cubs Club ("We Club 'Em, You Love 'Em!") needs seal-clubbers. ... Don't ask. Just don't let the screams keep you up at night. Slots: [4] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Phrenbi Shooting Range needs target changers. Slots: [6] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Pew-Pew Perfume's Scentsations needs Cologne/Perfume testers! We HOPE you get the GOOD smelling ones! Slots: [5] Pay: [Minimum]
x) Flippies Feety Footwear needs shoe testers! You may get lucky enough to get those fancy boots with the spikes ... or you may get unlucky enough to get their new line of plastique stilettos to be broken in. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Happy Times Arcade needs game demonstrators. Slots: [5] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Bo Shuda Spaceship Repairs needs mechanics. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Hands Down needs manicurists. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Dolpee, Kikyuna & Associates needs law clerks. Slots: [3] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) Divine Scents needs perfume blenders. Slots: [4] Pay: [Somewhat Decent]
x) S.S. Thor Weather Station needs METEORologists. A rare opportunity to be on TV and learn about the "weather" in space! Slots: [3] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Shumeneez un Toyneepa Bank needs tellers. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Magrathea Savings and Loan needs loan officers. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Dyrra Karden needs bodyguards. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
x) The Vogons needs copy-editors for their poetry. Slots: [3] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Magrathean business centers need credit report compilers. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Screenwriters needed for commercials to advertise business on Magrathea. Slots: [3] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Actors needed for commercials to advertise business on Magrathea. Slots: [5] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Artists needed to draw planet schematics based on descriptions. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
x) Ball cleaners needed. For the ball pit. Slots: [4] Pay: [College Degree]
Note: The missions will be posted on every floor of the S.S. Thor and can also be found in the Lightning Post for those already subscribing, as well as on the network. Unless otherwise stated it's first come first serve, so just reply to the right comment below and you'll get it! However, to make sure everyone has a chance to get a mission, you have to wait until Friday before you can apply for a second one.
To see what the requirements are for applying for Somewhat Decent and College Degree Wage, go here, and make sure you comment if you want the promotion!
Each mission lasts a month, and the paycheck will be handed out after the mission has been completed.
Replies will be in character. Please wait until all the jobs have been listed before commenting. Start a new thread for any OOC questions. And keep the spam to a minimum~