Desperation
It was never supposed to be like this. Everyone that knew me in high school or even in most of college would have never expected me to take time off from school or end up like this. Taking time off from anything is not the Cindy way. You can sleep when you're dead, vacations are for pussies, etc.
I suppose its a plus that I have a job, and that its at least one that I like, because I'll probably be stuck here for way longer than I'd ever anticipated. I like the work but still, $8 an hour and no benefits. Isn't going to cut it.
Neither is a 161 and a 3.4, apparently. At this point I expect 3 more rejection letters from the 3 schools I havent heard back from yet. I can't expect much more when my safety schools are sending me rejections.
And the Heels lost to Maryland. Oh yeah, and James dumped me. I was just getting to the point of being able to at least feel ambivalent about that last one, but at this point I just feel like its the universe pouring salt in my wounds here, getting rejected by my boyfriend and two law schools in the same ten-day period.
I'm home by myself on a saturday night. I drank an entire bottle of wine over the course of the evening. Not like i have anybody here to talk to.
I wanted to move on with my life and get out of here and now it doesn't look like it's going to be possible. I just wish they'd cut the crap and send me the rejection letters so it could just all be finalized and definite and I can stop wondering. I've been living in limbo and I hate it.
I know it sucks for everybody right now. Everyone seems to be getting furloughed if not laid off entirely. I know it could be worse.
I'm lucky to have a job and that my dad hasn't lost his job. I'm lucky I haven't yet been forced to move back to Charlotte yet. I will absolutely not hesitate to sell drugs and/or my body to avoid that fate.
Talked to one of the housemates earlier; her job's on the chopping block now and she finds out this week if shes getting axed or not. If she does, she wont be able to make rent anymore, which means everyone elses' will go up.
I know its not that bad and could be a lot worse, it just feels worse because I'm alone.
I suppose its a plus that I have a job, and that its at least one that I like, because I'll probably be stuck here for way longer than I'd ever anticipated. I like the work but still, $8 an hour and no benefits. Isn't going to cut it.
Neither is a 161 and a 3.4, apparently. At this point I expect 3 more rejection letters from the 3 schools I havent heard back from yet. I can't expect much more when my safety schools are sending me rejections.
And the Heels lost to Maryland. Oh yeah, and James dumped me. I was just getting to the point of being able to at least feel ambivalent about that last one, but at this point I just feel like its the universe pouring salt in my wounds here, getting rejected by my boyfriend and two law schools in the same ten-day period.
I'm home by myself on a saturday night. I drank an entire bottle of wine over the course of the evening. Not like i have anybody here to talk to.
I wanted to move on with my life and get out of here and now it doesn't look like it's going to be possible. I just wish they'd cut the crap and send me the rejection letters so it could just all be finalized and definite and I can stop wondering. I've been living in limbo and I hate it.
I know it sucks for everybody right now. Everyone seems to be getting furloughed if not laid off entirely. I know it could be worse.
I'm lucky to have a job and that my dad hasn't lost his job. I'm lucky I haven't yet been forced to move back to Charlotte yet. I will absolutely not hesitate to sell drugs and/or my body to avoid that fate.
Talked to one of the housemates earlier; her job's on the chopping block now and she finds out this week if shes getting axed or not. If she does, she wont be able to make rent anymore, which means everyone elses' will go up.
I know its not that bad and could be a lot worse, it just feels worse because I'm alone.