Past Poland Future
Upon reflection, its probably for the best that Way Ahead were not prepared to offer me the extra money for petrol. If they had i'd have gone back. I met up with my previous boss today. It struck me afterwards that although i was disappointed, the past belongs exactly where it belongs. The shock to my stomach on the drive down there was totally unexpected. As i approached the Warwick turn off from the M40 my stomach began to somersault, memories of dsys out with Anna and of working with her came flooding back, and it didnt feel healthy atall. It was that longing for the past which can only be detrimental.
Of course that means that i'm stuck in my current employment for the foreseeable future and thats not a pleasant prospect, but i can carry on looking for other options of course. I still await an application form from another company, and i eagerly await news from Sandwell Council.
I guess there's no timeframe i can use for grief but my heart still remains in Poland. I forced myself to browse the dating sites for a while yesterday and although i spotted a promising couple of ladies, i simply couldnt bring myself to initiate any contact. The time just isn't right.
What i'm about to type makes my palms sweaty and induces a twitch. Having contact with Anna on Skype may not be helping the process. I could and never will terminate contact with her but as i listen to Johnny Logic in my brain, he informs me that i'm clinging, not moving on by remaining in contact with her. And he's right, i know it. The dynamic is most definitely friendship now, but i still look at her through the computer screen with love and longing in my eyes.
I'm sure that if i was to terminate contact it would most certainly make me ill. Having her to speak to provides comfort, and i need any comfort i can get right now.
The immediate future is going to be purely about financial survival. I just received my first wages from Lifeways and it covers the rent. And thats it. I've only been paid for 6 shifts and now have to somehow survive until 12th Feb for my next pay. I'm already in my overdraft and have to pay my car loan, Lloyds loan as well as the ensuing car tax and MOT. I might have to draw off that bloody car loan again just to get by. Oh what joy. There's Marks stag due to consider too.
Of course that means that i'm stuck in my current employment for the foreseeable future and thats not a pleasant prospect, but i can carry on looking for other options of course. I still await an application form from another company, and i eagerly await news from Sandwell Council.
I guess there's no timeframe i can use for grief but my heart still remains in Poland. I forced myself to browse the dating sites for a while yesterday and although i spotted a promising couple of ladies, i simply couldnt bring myself to initiate any contact. The time just isn't right.
What i'm about to type makes my palms sweaty and induces a twitch. Having contact with Anna on Skype may not be helping the process. I could and never will terminate contact with her but as i listen to Johnny Logic in my brain, he informs me that i'm clinging, not moving on by remaining in contact with her. And he's right, i know it. The dynamic is most definitely friendship now, but i still look at her through the computer screen with love and longing in my eyes.
I'm sure that if i was to terminate contact it would most certainly make me ill. Having her to speak to provides comfort, and i need any comfort i can get right now.
The immediate future is going to be purely about financial survival. I just received my first wages from Lifeways and it covers the rent. And thats it. I've only been paid for 6 shifts and now have to somehow survive until 12th Feb for my next pay. I'm already in my overdraft and have to pay my car loan, Lloyds loan as well as the ensuing car tax and MOT. I might have to draw off that bloody car loan again just to get by. Oh what joy. There's Marks stag due to consider too.