Here we go....
Care to share my thoughts with me?
I really don't know where to begin. I'm sitting here, listening to some tunes, fully expecting some sort of profound realization as to the way life is supposed to be, or more to the point; my life, to just drop in my lap. (and yes, I'm aware that that was a run-on sentence, kiss my ass)
Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I seem to be doing that alot lately.
Well, not to you, but to those around me. One person in particular, Kelly. For those of you who don't know, she's my girlfriend. And lately, we've been considering the idea of moving in and renting a house together. Considering hell, we've been looking at houses. The more we look at, the more something inside me is just clawing at the walls, like a kid begging not to go the dentist. We practically live together as it is now. Either we sleep at her apartment, or we sleep at my house. (which in reality, isn't really "my" house) And it seems that ever since we started looking at houses together, we've been fighting almost every single day. Maybe, somewhere deep down I'm trying to tell myself that I'm either not ready, or just flat out don't want to. Whatever it is, it's made me a complete dick these past few days. I've found myself taking a step back from any given situation, and saying "Jesus, will somebody just kick his ass?" Tonight was pretty bad, as far as fights go. Kelly insisted on talking about what was wrong, when all I wanted to do was just take a step back and think about things for awhile. After talking about things for about an hour, she let me be, and here I am.
Still got the tunes playing, and still waiting for that profound realization.
When she walked out, she said we either need to figure out a way to work things out, or we need to go our seperate ways. Sad thing is, I don't know what I want. Part of me is telling myself that I just need to bite the bullet, and jump into this with my eyes closed and trust that love will carry me through. The other part is telling me that the previous part is smokin' crack and that I need to watch my step at every turn. We've been together for almost a year now. We fight alot. She says thats normal. I'm not so sure.
Tunes, yes. Profound realization, no.