That Pin
Following is a quote from my March 26, 2023, LJ entry, about the weekend we went through Mom’s house, packing up things to send back to Texas. This was before I sold the house for her a couple of months later:
“Mom had said she wasn’t going to bring her jewelry with her to assisted living, and she wanted me to have it. I went through it, and it fell into three categories. 1) The vast majority of it was worthless, even as sentimental value: plastic or cheap metal costume jewelry that went into the trash. 2) Some jewelry that was gold or that had small semiprecious stones that I took, but which was hopelessly outdated, to be sold for the gold, which is at a near-historic price now. 3) A few nice rings, which I will keep.”
The exception was one necklace she asked me to keep for her to be buried in. I have that locked up with a reminder note taped to it not to do anything with it.
You’d think that, when someone gives someone something like that, the recipient would feel free to do what they will with it. This would be true in a rational universe. I’ve held back on selling the gold because I haven’t had time but also because I’ve had the paranoid feeling she would be asking questions about it someday. Wellllll….
There I was, working at my desk a few days ago when the phone number of one of her friends came up on my phone. Feeling a big anxious that something might have happened, I answered. The friend said she was there visiting my mom and she was calling me for Mom. She said Mom said if Mom called me during the day I probably wouldn’t answer because I was working, but we could talk, right? (Yes, Mom has abused the privilege of calls so much that she leaves messages and I call her back at the end of the work day. If it’s an emergency, assisted living will call me or a hospital or whatever.)
So anyway, the friend said Mom was talking about her 4H pin that she got when she was a girl and she wanted to know if I saw it when I got the jewelry from the house. Oh, cr*p. I said I didn’t recall but that I would go through it and call Mom back that evening. Did she want it back? Well, no, but she wanted to know what had happened to it and if I had found it. Okay, I would call Mom back that night.
I did what I said I would and looked, of course finding nothing like that. It wouldn’t have been something made of gold or anything; and if I’d seen it, I wouldn’t have wanted it for myself. I mean, why would I? I wouldn’t have worn it. So I called Mom that evening and said I’d looked but I didn’t see it. (It may not even have been with her jewelry at the house, but there was no way I was going to tell her that if it was, I probably threw it away myself.) She was dismayed and said it must have gone to Goodwill. (She’s under the impression that one of the neighbors went into the house after we left and took some things to Goodwill.)
I thought that was the end of it. But noooo. Today I called her and she said she really wants that pin. She said she wants me to call whoever bought the house and ask if they have it. I tried to explain that the old house was demolished down the foundations and everything was discarded. Then a new house was built on the lot. I even told her about the Arlington Cemetery parking permit that I had tried to go back into the old house to get. I’d contacted the builders to see if I could get in, and their representative told me that the house had already been demolished and they didn’t have anything from the house. This was not computing with her. She wanted me to call someone. I continued trying to explain.
She cut me off midsentence and turned the phone over to the caregiver who was there in the room with her, for whom English is a second language, to ask her to talk to me. So I had to explain the situation to this poor lady. She said Mom had been fine but today she had just been going on and on about this pin. She said Mom was talking about my coming to visit her, so maybe she was just lonely and fixated on that.
Anyway, I got her back on the phone and immediately changed the subject to whether she wanted me to fill out paperwork so she could get a flu shot. That distracted her, and we soon ended the call.
After I hung up, I expressed frustration to Curmudgeon that she wouldn’t accept what I was saying about everything being discarded. He said the he didn’t know if she was in denial about the pin because she wanted it so much or if she just wanted to bully me like she does, that I just had to do something about the situation.
“Mom had said she wasn’t going to bring her jewelry with her to assisted living, and she wanted me to have it. I went through it, and it fell into three categories. 1) The vast majority of it was worthless, even as sentimental value: plastic or cheap metal costume jewelry that went into the trash. 2) Some jewelry that was gold or that had small semiprecious stones that I took, but which was hopelessly outdated, to be sold for the gold, which is at a near-historic price now. 3) A few nice rings, which I will keep.”
The exception was one necklace she asked me to keep for her to be buried in. I have that locked up with a reminder note taped to it not to do anything with it.
You’d think that, when someone gives someone something like that, the recipient would feel free to do what they will with it. This would be true in a rational universe. I’ve held back on selling the gold because I haven’t had time but also because I’ve had the paranoid feeling she would be asking questions about it someday. Wellllll….
There I was, working at my desk a few days ago when the phone number of one of her friends came up on my phone. Feeling a big anxious that something might have happened, I answered. The friend said she was there visiting my mom and she was calling me for Mom. She said Mom said if Mom called me during the day I probably wouldn’t answer because I was working, but we could talk, right? (Yes, Mom has abused the privilege of calls so much that she leaves messages and I call her back at the end of the work day. If it’s an emergency, assisted living will call me or a hospital or whatever.)
So anyway, the friend said Mom was talking about her 4H pin that she got when she was a girl and she wanted to know if I saw it when I got the jewelry from the house. Oh, cr*p. I said I didn’t recall but that I would go through it and call Mom back that evening. Did she want it back? Well, no, but she wanted to know what had happened to it and if I had found it. Okay, I would call Mom back that night.
I did what I said I would and looked, of course finding nothing like that. It wouldn’t have been something made of gold or anything; and if I’d seen it, I wouldn’t have wanted it for myself. I mean, why would I? I wouldn’t have worn it. So I called Mom that evening and said I’d looked but I didn’t see it. (It may not even have been with her jewelry at the house, but there was no way I was going to tell her that if it was, I probably threw it away myself.) She was dismayed and said it must have gone to Goodwill. (She’s under the impression that one of the neighbors went into the house after we left and took some things to Goodwill.)
I thought that was the end of it. But noooo. Today I called her and she said she really wants that pin. She said she wants me to call whoever bought the house and ask if they have it. I tried to explain that the old house was demolished down the foundations and everything was discarded. Then a new house was built on the lot. I even told her about the Arlington Cemetery parking permit that I had tried to go back into the old house to get. I’d contacted the builders to see if I could get in, and their representative told me that the house had already been demolished and they didn’t have anything from the house. This was not computing with her. She wanted me to call someone. I continued trying to explain.
She cut me off midsentence and turned the phone over to the caregiver who was there in the room with her, for whom English is a second language, to ask her to talk to me. So I had to explain the situation to this poor lady. She said Mom had been fine but today she had just been going on and on about this pin. She said Mom was talking about my coming to visit her, so maybe she was just lonely and fixated on that.
Anyway, I got her back on the phone and immediately changed the subject to whether she wanted me to fill out paperwork so she could get a flu shot. That distracted her, and we soon ended the call.
After I hung up, I expressed frustration to Curmudgeon that she wouldn’t accept what I was saying about everything being discarded. He said the he didn’t know if she was in denial about the pin because she wanted it so much or if she just wanted to bully me like she does, that I just had to do something about the situation.