(no subject)

Jul 21, 2005 18:08

so the past month i have been working at a science camp as site coordinator which basically translates into assistant program coordinator which means tons of work including making reservations, scheduling classrooms and transportation, aranging living arrangements and meals, room assigments for the girls, went through applications, assisting teachers, training and directing an RA staff...so i go into the office at 9, do some paper work and calls for teh day, arrange things for the next days labs, visit current labs and much much more...so basically from 9 in the morning until 11:30 at night i am either in the office, on duty, fixing an arguement or anything thats goes wrong including traveling to the hospital with some injuries that occured...and next week is our last week...and i am sad

but the one thing with this program is that i have been away from home which has brought me much closer to my mom and my brother...its cool how we call each other just to talk even if there is nothing to talk about...plus its cool how now i can tell my brother that i love him and he says it back...i guess its true that you get closer to your parents and siblings as you get older...one thing though thats been in my mind is that i have felt like i dont have a boyfriend for the past month...between us having different schedules and him going out after work almost every other night i dont think we have had a phone ocnversation longer than 15 min...it makes me think...do i really need a boyfriend...i always have had that fear of being along and feeling lonely but i feel the same way with a boyfriend...i'm not saying i want to break up but i feel like whats the different between him and a friend...except that i have feelings for him...its weird cus i honestly dont think he has a clue about how i feel towards him which is intresting cus here i am thinking maybe i should be single for a while because...see i hate this cus knowing that he might read this i cant be as honest as i want to be...but f*** it...i've felt like he doesnt want to be with, that he has been too busy for me, that he misses me, that he loves me, thay he has forgotten he has a girlfriend, the loneliest i have ever felt...i dont know many different emotions...i dont know how i feel i guess...but what sucks i cant say anything because the first thing i will get is "lets break up then" or "why are you always questioning everything"...but then again if..oh you know what its just not worth it...
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