Back from camp again... for good...
Back from camp again. For good. * Sighs *. I want to go back! I had so much FUN! Even though I did get a little homesick towards the end. I missed my car. My house. My sister. My friends. It's good to be back. But i still want to go back to camp! I miss Gavin!!!
Things between Gavin and I changed. For the better. We became so much closer. We spent two nights together. Until 4 AM and 2 AM. The first night we just sat on the picnic table gazing up at the stars; we talked endlessly and held each other tight. The second night we sat on the dining hall porch b/c it was raining really hard. We tangled up on the bench and kissed for the first time. We then walked down to Vesper Point... a quiet little place in the woods overlooking the Potomac River. We sat down on a bench and kissed all night long. We again held each other tight and savored the moment like none other. He said "I love you" one time... I said it back. As crazy as it sounds... we plan to get back together someday... and eventually get married. I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with Gavin.
Yes. I am in love. I have gotten myself into something so deep that I am afraid it's going to take a while for me to get myself out of it. I want to drop him from my thoughts. I want to so badly. But I never want to forget about the time we spent together this summer. We came so far. I'm contradicting myself. I want to think about him all day long. I want to go through and repeat in my head everything that happened. But, I also want to get on with my life. What if we don't get back together? What if we don't get married? It's a slim chance. It's reality. Do I want to spend my time thinking about him and denying other guys as I compare them to him? Will it be for nothing? So many questions. So few answers.
UgH gOd HeLp Me!
I have found God. I think about Him all the time. He is with me now, and for once I actually know it. I am so much more happier now. I hope I don't lose touch with Him. He does miraculous things and He works in very mysterious ways. As long as I live for Him, my life will be blessed. As far as I know, that's a pretty fair deal.
I'm looking forward to going back to school - as crazy as it sounds. Here's my scedule:
1st pd - Software Apps
2nd pd - English 12A
3rd pd - CWE
4th pd - Psychology A
Email me if you have any of the same classes - maybe we have the same teachers. I'm just too lazy to check and write them down, also.
It's Sunday night- I leave for Disney World on tuesday! YES! I am so excited! I get to go back to my childhood days with my sister and re-live all of the priceless joy, once again. I am completely psyched. We will have SO MUCH FUN!
Something cool happened tonight. Ryan and I talked. We updated each other. I told him about my summer and how I have found God again. He's happy for me. I told him that he will have his chance to find God some day. And that he will want to find his way back to God, when God reaches out for him. Ryan is happy for me. I'll be praying for him. We came to the conclusion that it sucks trying to ignore each other all the time - which is what we do like mad. We understood each other exactly... b/c we have been doing the same thing for months - trying to act like the other does not exist. Maybe things will be different now. I hope so. Ryan is a cool guy. I really like him. Hopefully some day we can learn to be good friends again.
I miss Gavin.