anxiety
ceara came home from school early.
she was having a severe panic attack, which triggered her asthma...
it took a good hour to get her calmed down.
she kept saying 'i don't want to die.'
after she was more relaxed, she said she wanted to help alan, somehow, she wanted to give him a pill to help him, she wanted to give him some antibiotics to help him...
this whole experience is so hard for everyone.
samara says she visits the school nurse almost once a day...she is constantly worried about her health...
jacob seems to be handling it the best.
which, i hope, doesn't mean he is suppressing his feelings and going to suffer later on...
hal said he would call ceara's dr. on monday, as they were closed on friday afteroon, and try to get her some help.
this is the third attack that she has had.
she told me about the other two earlier in november; however, she was able to get herself under control during those...this one was the worst.
she kept asking for her boyfriend, jake.
she told me, later, that he just helps her feel better.
i know exactly what she means...when the dr. told us that alan's tumor had spread to the right frontal lobe, all i wanted to do was call alan.
i kept thinking "i need to call alan and tell him this"
i kept thinking, over and over, "i need to call alan."
he was sitting right beside me.
the very hardest part, at least today, is that i cannot call the person who makes me feel better,
the person who calms my anxiety,
the person who helps me breathe,
the person who holds me and tells me 'it's allright...'
because that person is very ill and most of the time it hurts him to even hug him.
i just got alan back into our new bed.
it is hard, because there are no grab bars for him to help pull himself into a comfortable position.
and the bed is so high that i am not certain how we will accomplish the bathroom thing...
at least he is in our bed.
i can sleep next to him tonight.
one night's sleep like that could do wonders...
his dad is coming over soon to help me move alan into a more comfortable position.
actually, now, his parents just left.
we moved alan, with a blanket that i had placed under him, more toward the center of the bed.
i was afraid he would slip off the side of the bed...
so, today was, for alan, a good day.
joy and i gave him a sponge bath, washed his hair, cleaned his hands and nails, changed the bedding etc etc.
he seemed more aware today and smiled at me, a lot. joy said he even winked at me...
for ceara, though, a tougher day.
she is frightened of having another anxiety attack.
jake is at cory's--it is cory's 18th bday.
josh robbins' 19th bday (may he rest in perfect peace).
samara seems okay, too, she is playing video games and just talked to her good friend, casey.
so, for tonight, a restful sleep for all.
she was having a severe panic attack, which triggered her asthma...
it took a good hour to get her calmed down.
she kept saying 'i don't want to die.'
after she was more relaxed, she said she wanted to help alan, somehow, she wanted to give him a pill to help him, she wanted to give him some antibiotics to help him...
this whole experience is so hard for everyone.
samara says she visits the school nurse almost once a day...she is constantly worried about her health...
jacob seems to be handling it the best.
which, i hope, doesn't mean he is suppressing his feelings and going to suffer later on...
hal said he would call ceara's dr. on monday, as they were closed on friday afteroon, and try to get her some help.
this is the third attack that she has had.
she told me about the other two earlier in november; however, she was able to get herself under control during those...this one was the worst.
she kept asking for her boyfriend, jake.
she told me, later, that he just helps her feel better.
i know exactly what she means...when the dr. told us that alan's tumor had spread to the right frontal lobe, all i wanted to do was call alan.
i kept thinking "i need to call alan and tell him this"
i kept thinking, over and over, "i need to call alan."
he was sitting right beside me.
the very hardest part, at least today, is that i cannot call the person who makes me feel better,
the person who calms my anxiety,
the person who helps me breathe,
the person who holds me and tells me 'it's allright...'
because that person is very ill and most of the time it hurts him to even hug him.
i just got alan back into our new bed.
it is hard, because there are no grab bars for him to help pull himself into a comfortable position.
and the bed is so high that i am not certain how we will accomplish the bathroom thing...
at least he is in our bed.
i can sleep next to him tonight.
one night's sleep like that could do wonders...
his dad is coming over soon to help me move alan into a more comfortable position.
actually, now, his parents just left.
we moved alan, with a blanket that i had placed under him, more toward the center of the bed.
i was afraid he would slip off the side of the bed...
so, today was, for alan, a good day.
joy and i gave him a sponge bath, washed his hair, cleaned his hands and nails, changed the bedding etc etc.
he seemed more aware today and smiled at me, a lot. joy said he even winked at me...
for ceara, though, a tougher day.
she is frightened of having another anxiety attack.
jake is at cory's--it is cory's 18th bday.
josh robbins' 19th bday (may he rest in perfect peace).
samara seems okay, too, she is playing video games and just talked to her good friend, casey.
so, for tonight, a restful sleep for all.