** life as I love it
just got back from an awesome yoga session and workout. I'm downloading some meditations today, as well as finalising the set up of my computer so that I can get into the online courses I've purchased- one is on the Attractor Factor work from The Secret, the other is a mind altering course developed by a professor with a passion for expanding the capabilities of the mind/essence. I'm really looking forward to both.
This morning I did some visualisation work that has put me on a happy high all day- I'm slowly developing a routine that includes meditation, visualisation, focus and expression of that focus. I'm enjoying it immensely, I'd love to do a yoga/meditation class every day, with gym, pilates and cardio work thrown in throughout the week for pleasure. My body is getting stronger and fitter all the time, which I love.
My relationship with Michael rocks big time. Every day we're exploring things, dissolving blocks and barriers: our most recent conversation was around our ideas of 'commitment' and we reached an awesome place with it. We realised that we have a mutual idea of commitment, how it works for us individually and as a couple and how it works within the context of the long term relationship we both want to have. It was a hugely releasing conversation, I could feel layers of cruft falling away as we explored our ideas, clearing out the dross from old relationship patterns and reconfirming our vision of our life together.
It's a completely different pattern for me, this relationship with him: my previous partners, for one reason or another, have been closed in terms of expressing themselves and letting themselves be truly known whereas Michael is as interested in being known as he is in truly knowing me. This is a revelatory thing because it's the way that I have always endeavoured to function in relationships but without any success. This time it's really working and the experience is mindblowing. I am finding previously unknown levels of connection, communication and peace: there's nothing that we can't talk about, nothing that we are unwilling to explore, nothing that we feel the need to hide from each other. I can tell him things that I have never spoken to anyone else about and there is absolutely zero judgement, just his interest and contribution underpinned by his love for me.
Previously, I have experienced this self revealing as an ultimately damaging thing: once someone knew what I was sensitive to it became a weapon in their hands and I would be plunged into a painful world of contortion, emotional abuse and manipulation. I can talk with Michael about my fears of these things, about my triggers and recent conversations have even been around things that underpin my multiplicity, things I've absolutely never shared with anyone before. I can sit there and freak out while I'm telling him my essence secrets, tell him that I'm freaking out while I'm doing it and he stays the same, the emotional connection doesn't waver or disconnect in any way and in this I get to experience true integrity from another person. This is so vastly different from the deliberate instability previous partners have created in our connection, wanting me to open up to them while remaining closed and manipulative towards me.
This is what I have been exploring this past week, the differences of experience in relationship. I've been looking at the real difference between shonky and deceptive communication and the pure bliss of being honest and real with another person whose interest is in being the same way with me. He is as meticulous in exploring his own dodgy patterns as he is when we're discussing mine, there's no level of personal responsibility he's unwilling to embrace and that's a direct mirror of my own approach to such things. The world really is a different place when explored with someone who has zero interest in anything less than full integrity.
Michael's integrity and commitment to his own being delights me on a molecular level. We have explored our relationship to the point where we have realised that essentially we're married in every way but the actual ceremony: rather than the triggering thing such a thought was in the past, there's nothing but delight and excitement at the prospect of spending the rest of my life living with and exploring this amazing man. The platform within me is totally clear and solid.
It's a fantastic, unlimited place to be.
This morning I did some visualisation work that has put me on a happy high all day- I'm slowly developing a routine that includes meditation, visualisation, focus and expression of that focus. I'm enjoying it immensely, I'd love to do a yoga/meditation class every day, with gym, pilates and cardio work thrown in throughout the week for pleasure. My body is getting stronger and fitter all the time, which I love.
My relationship with Michael rocks big time. Every day we're exploring things, dissolving blocks and barriers: our most recent conversation was around our ideas of 'commitment' and we reached an awesome place with it. We realised that we have a mutual idea of commitment, how it works for us individually and as a couple and how it works within the context of the long term relationship we both want to have. It was a hugely releasing conversation, I could feel layers of cruft falling away as we explored our ideas, clearing out the dross from old relationship patterns and reconfirming our vision of our life together.
It's a completely different pattern for me, this relationship with him: my previous partners, for one reason or another, have been closed in terms of expressing themselves and letting themselves be truly known whereas Michael is as interested in being known as he is in truly knowing me. This is a revelatory thing because it's the way that I have always endeavoured to function in relationships but without any success. This time it's really working and the experience is mindblowing. I am finding previously unknown levels of connection, communication and peace: there's nothing that we can't talk about, nothing that we are unwilling to explore, nothing that we feel the need to hide from each other. I can tell him things that I have never spoken to anyone else about and there is absolutely zero judgement, just his interest and contribution underpinned by his love for me.
Previously, I have experienced this self revealing as an ultimately damaging thing: once someone knew what I was sensitive to it became a weapon in their hands and I would be plunged into a painful world of contortion, emotional abuse and manipulation. I can talk with Michael about my fears of these things, about my triggers and recent conversations have even been around things that underpin my multiplicity, things I've absolutely never shared with anyone before. I can sit there and freak out while I'm telling him my essence secrets, tell him that I'm freaking out while I'm doing it and he stays the same, the emotional connection doesn't waver or disconnect in any way and in this I get to experience true integrity from another person. This is so vastly different from the deliberate instability previous partners have created in our connection, wanting me to open up to them while remaining closed and manipulative towards me.
This is what I have been exploring this past week, the differences of experience in relationship. I've been looking at the real difference between shonky and deceptive communication and the pure bliss of being honest and real with another person whose interest is in being the same way with me. He is as meticulous in exploring his own dodgy patterns as he is when we're discussing mine, there's no level of personal responsibility he's unwilling to embrace and that's a direct mirror of my own approach to such things. The world really is a different place when explored with someone who has zero interest in anything less than full integrity.
Michael's integrity and commitment to his own being delights me on a molecular level. We have explored our relationship to the point where we have realised that essentially we're married in every way but the actual ceremony: rather than the triggering thing such a thought was in the past, there's nothing but delight and excitement at the prospect of spending the rest of my life living with and exploring this amazing man. The platform within me is totally clear and solid.
It's a fantastic, unlimited place to be.