lost in a world of a downward spiral...
let me first begin with a cry out...i need help. There, its one of the hardest things to do. admit I don't know what i'm doing. Especially on something like lj, but i figure maybe if the rest of the people who say they're my friends know what's going on with me i'll get some good advice and start making my way up this bottomless hole i seem to
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I wouldnt even presume to know your life that well, or what your going through, much less you very well. Because lets face it I've only really hung out with you a handfull of times. But I read this post and I cant help but remember what it was like. What did I do to turn things for the better? I took a good look at my life and started doing things that to me seemed unreasonable, things I didnt want to do, but knew was the right thing. Cuz really they were reasonable. They were the right thing. I thought I couldnt afford to help myself, while infact, thats exactly what I needed. Cuz how was I to live life comfortably unless I was comfortable with myself. I had stop compareing "my insides to peoples outsides."? I had to own up to the wrongs I did, and once they were admitted I could move forward. And so thats what I did, one very very hard and small step at a time. But I did it. I had to learn from others around me. People close. Cuz really I was at wits end, I didnt have another plan or idea to fix my life, all that was left was to turn to others. Posting does help, or rather talking people. Cuz there is some truth to the lyric "oh how I loved everybody else, when I finally got to talk so much about myself."
And everyone suffers through stuff like this. My life is far from ideal. I mean I have money, I have sex, and I have independence... but none of those things make me feel the way I want to. But I admit that and it gives me just the small amount of comfort I need... for now. So I guess me saying this is me being a huge hipocrit. But, compared to where my life was a few years ago... this is priceless.
I did alot of fucked up shit in my life. and alot of fucked up shit happened to me. I could delve into that but I've already writen like 5 paragraphes here. Ok here...
though I may not have a solution to your problem, or an answer to you questions. I can tell you in full confidence that the solutions exist, and the answers are out there.
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