cleaning house
literally. I'm cleaning house this evening... sort of. i still haven't really totally unpacked. there are at least 4 boxes sitting in my living room that have stuff in them. my a/c is still sitting on the floor and not on the window sill. there's a mountain of bills and junk mail piled on my coffee table. and the dishes in the sink are dirty and piling up.
but i vacuumed and am doing laundry, and that, in and of its self, is an accomplishment. the problem, and the repetitious, broken record whine of this blog, is i thought of her and us the entire time i was doing that. taking the sheets of the bed - the sheets we picked out, the feather bed we got as a wedding gift, the down comforter we bought after returning all the unwanted wedding gifts. taking the quarters out of the rolls, the rolls i got at the bank, just like she did and taught me to. the folding of the towels in the way she liked - it's such a habit now that i know no other way.
i had the roomba do the vacuuming. her favorite tool. when our first one stopped working, it was probably the main topic of conversation around the house until we got the new one. and now i have it. normally, i wouldn't think about it too much, but since i'm doing laundry and thinking of all the things associated with that, it brings many things to mind.
the LIFE we had together. the FUTURE we were building together. and, of course, the LIES that all of that became... (were built on??)
i can't escape it.
but i vacuumed and am doing laundry, and that, in and of its self, is an accomplishment. the problem, and the repetitious, broken record whine of this blog, is i thought of her and us the entire time i was doing that. taking the sheets of the bed - the sheets we picked out, the feather bed we got as a wedding gift, the down comforter we bought after returning all the unwanted wedding gifts. taking the quarters out of the rolls, the rolls i got at the bank, just like she did and taught me to. the folding of the towels in the way she liked - it's such a habit now that i know no other way.
i had the roomba do the vacuuming. her favorite tool. when our first one stopped working, it was probably the main topic of conversation around the house until we got the new one. and now i have it. normally, i wouldn't think about it too much, but since i'm doing laundry and thinking of all the things associated with that, it brings many things to mind.
the LIFE we had together. the FUTURE we were building together. and, of course, the LIES that all of that became... (were built on??)
i can't escape it.