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Saturday was a dual celebration...one, our only Irish Gotenba-ite is leaving for Tokyo (today I think), so we threw him an expensive farewell nite. There were even fireworks...all Gotenba is glad to be rid of him! Actually, we have no idea what the fireworks were for, but you know, correlation entails causation. I was also celebrating my own private victory, however: the spell has not been broken, I can still write! I wrote over three pages on Saturday, finally getting the chance to sit down at it for an extended period, the first time I've managed to pick up a novel after putting it down more than a month. I've hardly worked on it at all since the beginning of the year, ridiculous. But it's still warm and living, sluggishly pulsing with the desire to move forward and grow. It only took me six months to write the first half, but I don't think I'll be able to work nearly so feverishly now. Still, I have hope these last hundred pages or so will move quickly. So I was in a good mood as I headed out to the restaurant...gave Yoshino the cell phone I found in the rain, but having turned it off to save the batteries until I could do something with it, it was now locked. What a mess...sometimes security is not helpful. After some wonderful dishes including a sort of unagi (eel) soup, it was on to Dorifu, the bar where Yuuki, Chris's girlfriend, works. All you can drink, can't remember the word for it, which we extended to three hours...a sniper video game and darts with Hironori...karaoke and singing with a rather flirtatious married woman who lived in Napa for a while. Hironori is a great guy who is moving to Osaka at the end of the year, and seems to like me a lot...which if I were in LA...I don't know, just can't figure out why he has no girlfriend and dresses so well. The married woman I think is quite lonely, as she seemed to hang on both Kieran and myself.
And despite my high spirits as I left, my mood was quite rocky for some reason. I had a great deal of fun, but it was punctuated by erratic rises and falls, mostly caused by a rather unfamiliar and irrational jealousy. Kieran tries to "be cute" with every girl he sees, in Akko's words, which can be a bit disconcerting as in the case of the married woman, but when his attentions turn to Akko...She is well aware of him, and said he was "harmless" if you kept your eyes open, and of course she's quite right. I actually quite like Kieran, and for the most part I'll miss him and our random agreements and disagreements over movies and music. Yet for some reason, I had these flashes of jealousy, mostly occassioned I think more by the fact that Akko has been less attentive lately, less confidential...and she still wouldn't tell me where the giant bruise on her arm (now healed) came from. Just that it was embarrassing. This upset me because 1) she said she'd tell me after it was healed, 2) she's generally kept me in her confidence, and 3) see number one. I tried to suppress my obsessive tendencies.
This new emotion is troubling...Not something I'm used to, and I really must do something about it. That I like Akko is undeniable, but even if she didn't have a boyfriend I feel it would be a mistake to even attempt getting involved in her life beyond friendship. Maybe it's just that I don't want to get involved with anyone I like. That's a little crazy, I know, but f*** vulnerability. Yet I do care about her, and feel a bit protective.
Akko (changing the subject): "So, have you met anyone you like?"
Me: "Maybe."
Akko: "Why maybe? Does she have a boyfriend?"
There's something going on with her and her boyfriend as well, which she has not imparted to me, when before she left for San Diego she poured out all her relationship problems even though she said she didn't want to.
There's nothing to analyze here, but I have so many things that worry me about those three lines of dialogue, mostly if she's reading something into it, or I'm supposed to. Actually, I said maybe because of all the different people I've met lately, which are attractive and I like, but none of which I see as a wholly viable option. Mostly I've been thinking I'm much happier alone, or would be if I could get rid of these bloody hormones and desires and such useless things.
Shoganai.
And despite my high spirits as I left, my mood was quite rocky for some reason. I had a great deal of fun, but it was punctuated by erratic rises and falls, mostly caused by a rather unfamiliar and irrational jealousy. Kieran tries to "be cute" with every girl he sees, in Akko's words, which can be a bit disconcerting as in the case of the married woman, but when his attentions turn to Akko...She is well aware of him, and said he was "harmless" if you kept your eyes open, and of course she's quite right. I actually quite like Kieran, and for the most part I'll miss him and our random agreements and disagreements over movies and music. Yet for some reason, I had these flashes of jealousy, mostly occassioned I think more by the fact that Akko has been less attentive lately, less confidential...and she still wouldn't tell me where the giant bruise on her arm (now healed) came from. Just that it was embarrassing. This upset me because 1) she said she'd tell me after it was healed, 2) she's generally kept me in her confidence, and 3) see number one. I tried to suppress my obsessive tendencies.
This new emotion is troubling...Not something I'm used to, and I really must do something about it. That I like Akko is undeniable, but even if she didn't have a boyfriend I feel it would be a mistake to even attempt getting involved in her life beyond friendship. Maybe it's just that I don't want to get involved with anyone I like. That's a little crazy, I know, but f*** vulnerability. Yet I do care about her, and feel a bit protective.
Akko (changing the subject): "So, have you met anyone you like?"
Me: "Maybe."
Akko: "Why maybe? Does she have a boyfriend?"
There's something going on with her and her boyfriend as well, which she has not imparted to me, when before she left for San Diego she poured out all her relationship problems even though she said she didn't want to.
There's nothing to analyze here, but I have so many things that worry me about those three lines of dialogue, mostly if she's reading something into it, or I'm supposed to. Actually, I said maybe because of all the different people I've met lately, which are attractive and I like, but none of which I see as a wholly viable option. Mostly I've been thinking I'm much happier alone, or would be if I could get rid of these bloody hormones and desires and such useless things.
Shoganai.