"Coup de Foudre" 63
Brian, the irrepressible.
Would we want him any other way?
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, July 2016
“I can’t believe you fucked it up with Garrett! I just can’t believe it!”
“Yes,” said Brian. “Your belief system doesn’t encompass my not immediately falling in love with and marrying Garrett, with you and Ben standing on the sidelines, cheering and taking credit for it all.” Brian paused. “Much as you did when I married Ron.”
“Garrett was perfect for you!” Michael moaned. “Really perfect! Do you realize how perfect he was for you, Brian? Do you?”
“Yes, we’ve established that Garrett was perfect for me and I, as a supreme asshole, did not realize that and so he’s flown the coop, as have so many others before him. I get it, Mikey, I really do. Garrett - Fucking Perfect. Brian - Very Fucking Far From Perfect.”
Brian yawned. He was fucking bored out of his mind. Michael was whining - nothing new about that - and Woody’s was dead, even though it was a Friday night. Not like the old days, thought Brian, when he’d see at least a couple of decent prospects. But tonight? Zilch. It was fucking depressing.
“And he’s such a nice guy!”
“Michael, I mean it - give it a fucking break!”
“But this was so perfect…”
“I swear,” said, Brian. “If you say ‘perfect’ one more time, I’m going to pick you up and toss you across the fucking room!”
“Sorry,” said Michael. “I’m disappointed, that’s all.
“Hey!” Brian waved to the bartender. “Can we have two more beers over here? Anything but Old Pitt.”
The bartender brought over two Yuenglings. “These okay?”
Brian shrugged. “I guess. So… what’s your name?”
“Brian,” he replied. He was a dirty blond with a Chinese tattoo on his left pec.
“Oh, Jesus,” said Michael, rolling his eyes.
“What a coincidence,” said Brian. He took out some bills and put them on the table. “Keep the change - Brian.”
“Thanks.”
They both watched the bartender walk away.
“You reject Garrett and make goo-goo eyes at him?” said Michael with disgust.
“I’ve never made goo-goo eyes at anyone in my life,” said Brian, taking a sip of the beer.
“Tell me another one,” Michael sniffed. ‘When are you going to grow up?”
“What and sit in Stepford Terrace and watch my hair get grey like you and the professor? Forget that shit. You might be verging on senility, Mikey, but I’m not ready for AARP just yet.” Brian glanced back at the bartender. “And neither is he.”
“I thought you’d settled down,” said Michael. “What would Gus say if he knew you were here at Woody’s, looking for a quick fuck?”
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - my fucking sex life is no one’s business but my own. Not yours. Not Gus’s. And not the ‘National Enquirer’s.’ If I wanted to take that…” He gestured to the blond bartender. “Into the toilet and fuck the shit out of him, I’d do it. And you’d sit here and wait while I did it, just like you’ve always done. Because I think you get a kick out of it, Michael. All of you always did - you and Ted and Emmett and even Ben, if he’d be honest about it. My fucking sex life feeds your pitiful fantasies. Which is about all you have - fantasies of a sex life.”
“That’s so not true!” Michael insisted. “Ben and I have a great sex life!”
“Yeah, he’s got it penciled into his Filofax - ‘Wednesday night - Do crunches. Grade papers. Don’t forget to fuck Michael.’”
Michael winced. “Shut the hell up, Brian!”
“I must have hit a nerve. It’s pathetic when fags suffer from Lesbian Bed Death.”
“Ben and I don’t suffer from Lesbian Bed Death!” said Michael. “Besides, our sex life is none of your business.”
“Point made,” said Brian. He took out his iPhone and began scanning something.
“What are you looking at?”
“Nothing,” said Brian. “Just browsing.”
Michael snatched the phone out of Brian’s hands. “Grindr? Seriously?”
Brian snatched the phone back. “I told you - I was just browsing. Hmm - this one is close. As in, he’s here in Woody’s. And there’s another one about a block away.” Brian looked around. “I wonder which one he is? But the pickin’s are pretty slim. It’s nights like this when I regret shutting Babylon - there was so much prime beefcake and you got to view it on the hoof, so to speak.”
“Can’t you have a quiet drink with your best friend without cruising?” Michael asked.
Brian gave Michael a look. “You’re so funny, Mikey.”
Michael sighed and sipped on his beer. Just when he’d thought Brian had changed, he falls right back into his old, evil ways. Garrett was a great guy and a good influence, but that wasn’t enough for Brian Kinney. Michael knew that Brian was back to fucking Justin but he didn’t dare say anything about that. Brian would bite his head off! He’d obviously been fucking Justin the whole time he was dating Garrett. Or seeing Garrett. Or whatever he was doing with Garrett. Fuck buddies, that’s all he was interested in. It was crazy, especially after he’d been so happy with Ron. Having a steady relationship, a home, a son - that’s what was important in life. He thought Brian had finally understood that. Instead, he drove Garrett away with his asshole behavior and he was now looking for nameless, faceless cock on the internet. Or else easy, no-strings-attached cock like Brian the Bartender. He was the one who was pathetic!
“What did your therapist say about you dumping Garrett?”
Brian looked up from the phone. “I thought Garrett dumped me?”
“Whatever,” said Michael. “So what did he say?”
“Is nothing sacred, Mikey?” Brian shook his head ruefully. “The profound thoughts and deep feelings I express to my therapist are not to be spoken of in the crass confines of a homosexual drinking establishment. Unless, of course, that’s where I’m meeting my therapist, who is also a fag and a former trick.”
Michael bit his lip. Brian was impossible! “You mean Alex Wilder is your therapist? Jesus, Brian! You used to fuck him in the baths! How can he be objective?”
“It’s his job to be objective,” said Brian. “Besides, I haven’t fucked him in twelve years or something like that. That’s prehistoric! If I haven’t fucked a guy in over a year, he goes back to being a Brian Kinney Virgin. It’s like I never touched him. So all bets are off.”
Michael knew he shouldn’t say it, but he did. “Does that rule include Justin? Or is he a perpetual Brian Kinney Virgin?”
But Brian didn’t blast him. He didn’t say anything to him. He only stared at Michael with green, burning eyes, which was so much worse. It was like his insides were shriveling to nothing.
“Don’t listen to me,” Michael finally said. “I’m upset. And I like Garrett. I like the two of you together.”
“Then you fuck him,” Brian said coldly. Then he suddenly looked up at the bar, his sixth sense honing in on trouble. “Don’t turn around. Emmett’s here.”
Their table was in the corner behind the pool table, so Emmett couldn’t see them from the bar, but it was only a matter of time before he did. Michael squinted to see in the dim light. “Who’s that with him?”
“Put on your glasses, Michael,” said Brian. “You know who it is.”
Michael blinked. “Isn’t that the kid who was living with Justin? Robbie?”
“Indeed it is,” said Brian. “He’s Emmett’s new fuck toy. Theodore told me all about it.”
“Holy shit!” Michael exclaimed. “What’s Em thinking?”
“Thinking with his dick, as usual,” Brian observed. “But the kid is a tasty morsel. Too bad he’s wasted on Mr. Honeycutt.”
Michael’s mouth fell open. “Brian… you wouldn’t!”
“Keep your pants on, Novotny,” Brian reassured him. “I would never do anything untoward to the guy who walked out on Justin.” Brian glanced at his phone again. Then he looked back at the bar, watching like a hawk. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
“Brian…”
“Relax, Mikey. I said I’d be right back.”
The path to the men’s room at Woody’s was well-trodden, especially by Brian Kinney, but not in a long time. It felt almost nostalgic. Brian hummed a little tune as he ambled down the hall and into the toilets.
“Well, well, well,” said Brian. “Looks like I’ve found my little Grindr buddy.”
Robbie looked up from the urinal, startled. “Um… Brian?”
“Yes, Brian Kinney. We met at Deb and Carl’s Fourth of July party, albeit briefly. I’d shake hands, but I see that you already have your hands full.” Brian raised an eyebrow as he perused Robbie’s dick.
“Sure,” said the flustered Robbie. “The picnic. Yeah, that was… um… um…”
“Unpleasant?” Brian offered. “Nasty? Sad? Unfortunate?” He moved closer. “Did Justin know you were hooking up with guys on Grindr? Seems a little hypocritical when you were pointing the finger at Justin for doing the same thing, especially when you were the one pushing for an exclusive relationship.”
“I wasn’t hooking up with guys,” said Robbie, backing away. Brian scared the crap out of him! But there was nowhere to go, except into the far stall. And Brian kept backing him into it. “I… I was just looking for guys to… to chat with online.” Even as he said it, Robbie knew how lame it sounded.
“Right. You go on Grindr for friendship. Which is why you have a pic of your shirtless chest and not your face in your profile… Carlos.” Brian held up his phone to show Robbie’s - or Carlos' - profile. He also showed the grid that indicated he and Brian were right next to each other. Brian slipped his phone in his pocket and unsnapped his jeans. “Take it out.”
“B…but…” Robbie stammered.
“I said ‘take it out.’ What about ‘take it out’ do you not understand?”
Robbie immediately went to his knees and eagerly took out Brian’s cock. Brian was older than most of the guys he fucked, but he liked older guys. Like Justin. And the idea of sucking off Justin’s ex made it even more exciting.
The kid wasn’t bad, thought Brian. He’s got a nice mouth and knows how to use his tongue. Justin taught him well. Brian closed his eyes and focused on his cock. He liked to prolong the pleasure. He was no ten-second-man like poor Michael. And the longer he held on, the harder Robbie worked it, stopping to lick Brian’s balls, then attacking his dick again, taking it deeper into his throat. And deeper.
Brian heard the door of the men’s room open, but he ignored it. He didn’t mind an audience, even if it was Mikey, being judgmental. He could handle Michael. Time to end this, Brian thought, and he came hard into Robbie’s mouth. But the kid took his load like a trouper, licking and sucking every trace of come off his dick. But Brian stayed hard. If he wanted he could go again, but he’d made his point.
“Next time, I’ll ream your tight little ass,” said Brian, buttoning up. “You’ll love that.”
“I will,” said Robbie, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Now that I’m single again.”
“Of course,” said Brian, looking up at the guy standing in front of the men’s room door, watching stone-faced. “Cheaters never prosper.”
Brian smiled at Emmett. But Emmett didn’t smile back.
Would we want him any other way?
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh, July 2016
“I can’t believe you fucked it up with Garrett! I just can’t believe it!”
“Yes,” said Brian. “Your belief system doesn’t encompass my not immediately falling in love with and marrying Garrett, with you and Ben standing on the sidelines, cheering and taking credit for it all.” Brian paused. “Much as you did when I married Ron.”
“Garrett was perfect for you!” Michael moaned. “Really perfect! Do you realize how perfect he was for you, Brian? Do you?”
“Yes, we’ve established that Garrett was perfect for me and I, as a supreme asshole, did not realize that and so he’s flown the coop, as have so many others before him. I get it, Mikey, I really do. Garrett - Fucking Perfect. Brian - Very Fucking Far From Perfect.”
Brian yawned. He was fucking bored out of his mind. Michael was whining - nothing new about that - and Woody’s was dead, even though it was a Friday night. Not like the old days, thought Brian, when he’d see at least a couple of decent prospects. But tonight? Zilch. It was fucking depressing.
“And he’s such a nice guy!”
“Michael, I mean it - give it a fucking break!”
“But this was so perfect…”
“I swear,” said, Brian. “If you say ‘perfect’ one more time, I’m going to pick you up and toss you across the fucking room!”
“Sorry,” said Michael. “I’m disappointed, that’s all.
“Hey!” Brian waved to the bartender. “Can we have two more beers over here? Anything but Old Pitt.”
The bartender brought over two Yuenglings. “These okay?”
Brian shrugged. “I guess. So… what’s your name?”
“Brian,” he replied. He was a dirty blond with a Chinese tattoo on his left pec.
“Oh, Jesus,” said Michael, rolling his eyes.
“What a coincidence,” said Brian. He took out some bills and put them on the table. “Keep the change - Brian.”
“Thanks.”
They both watched the bartender walk away.
“You reject Garrett and make goo-goo eyes at him?” said Michael with disgust.
“I’ve never made goo-goo eyes at anyone in my life,” said Brian, taking a sip of the beer.
“Tell me another one,” Michael sniffed. ‘When are you going to grow up?”
“What and sit in Stepford Terrace and watch my hair get grey like you and the professor? Forget that shit. You might be verging on senility, Mikey, but I’m not ready for AARP just yet.” Brian glanced back at the bartender. “And neither is he.”
“I thought you’d settled down,” said Michael. “What would Gus say if he knew you were here at Woody’s, looking for a quick fuck?”
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - my fucking sex life is no one’s business but my own. Not yours. Not Gus’s. And not the ‘National Enquirer’s.’ If I wanted to take that…” He gestured to the blond bartender. “Into the toilet and fuck the shit out of him, I’d do it. And you’d sit here and wait while I did it, just like you’ve always done. Because I think you get a kick out of it, Michael. All of you always did - you and Ted and Emmett and even Ben, if he’d be honest about it. My fucking sex life feeds your pitiful fantasies. Which is about all you have - fantasies of a sex life.”
“That’s so not true!” Michael insisted. “Ben and I have a great sex life!”
“Yeah, he’s got it penciled into his Filofax - ‘Wednesday night - Do crunches. Grade papers. Don’t forget to fuck Michael.’”
Michael winced. “Shut the hell up, Brian!”
“I must have hit a nerve. It’s pathetic when fags suffer from Lesbian Bed Death.”
“Ben and I don’t suffer from Lesbian Bed Death!” said Michael. “Besides, our sex life is none of your business.”
“Point made,” said Brian. He took out his iPhone and began scanning something.
“What are you looking at?”
“Nothing,” said Brian. “Just browsing.”
Michael snatched the phone out of Brian’s hands. “Grindr? Seriously?”
Brian snatched the phone back. “I told you - I was just browsing. Hmm - this one is close. As in, he’s here in Woody’s. And there’s another one about a block away.” Brian looked around. “I wonder which one he is? But the pickin’s are pretty slim. It’s nights like this when I regret shutting Babylon - there was so much prime beefcake and you got to view it on the hoof, so to speak.”
“Can’t you have a quiet drink with your best friend without cruising?” Michael asked.
Brian gave Michael a look. “You’re so funny, Mikey.”
Michael sighed and sipped on his beer. Just when he’d thought Brian had changed, he falls right back into his old, evil ways. Garrett was a great guy and a good influence, but that wasn’t enough for Brian Kinney. Michael knew that Brian was back to fucking Justin but he didn’t dare say anything about that. Brian would bite his head off! He’d obviously been fucking Justin the whole time he was dating Garrett. Or seeing Garrett. Or whatever he was doing with Garrett. Fuck buddies, that’s all he was interested in. It was crazy, especially after he’d been so happy with Ron. Having a steady relationship, a home, a son - that’s what was important in life. He thought Brian had finally understood that. Instead, he drove Garrett away with his asshole behavior and he was now looking for nameless, faceless cock on the internet. Or else easy, no-strings-attached cock like Brian the Bartender. He was the one who was pathetic!
“What did your therapist say about you dumping Garrett?”
Brian looked up from the phone. “I thought Garrett dumped me?”
“Whatever,” said Michael. “So what did he say?”
“Is nothing sacred, Mikey?” Brian shook his head ruefully. “The profound thoughts and deep feelings I express to my therapist are not to be spoken of in the crass confines of a homosexual drinking establishment. Unless, of course, that’s where I’m meeting my therapist, who is also a fag and a former trick.”
Michael bit his lip. Brian was impossible! “You mean Alex Wilder is your therapist? Jesus, Brian! You used to fuck him in the baths! How can he be objective?”
“It’s his job to be objective,” said Brian. “Besides, I haven’t fucked him in twelve years or something like that. That’s prehistoric! If I haven’t fucked a guy in over a year, he goes back to being a Brian Kinney Virgin. It’s like I never touched him. So all bets are off.”
Michael knew he shouldn’t say it, but he did. “Does that rule include Justin? Or is he a perpetual Brian Kinney Virgin?”
But Brian didn’t blast him. He didn’t say anything to him. He only stared at Michael with green, burning eyes, which was so much worse. It was like his insides were shriveling to nothing.
“Don’t listen to me,” Michael finally said. “I’m upset. And I like Garrett. I like the two of you together.”
“Then you fuck him,” Brian said coldly. Then he suddenly looked up at the bar, his sixth sense honing in on trouble. “Don’t turn around. Emmett’s here.”
Their table was in the corner behind the pool table, so Emmett couldn’t see them from the bar, but it was only a matter of time before he did. Michael squinted to see in the dim light. “Who’s that with him?”
“Put on your glasses, Michael,” said Brian. “You know who it is.”
Michael blinked. “Isn’t that the kid who was living with Justin? Robbie?”
“Indeed it is,” said Brian. “He’s Emmett’s new fuck toy. Theodore told me all about it.”
“Holy shit!” Michael exclaimed. “What’s Em thinking?”
“Thinking with his dick, as usual,” Brian observed. “But the kid is a tasty morsel. Too bad he’s wasted on Mr. Honeycutt.”
Michael’s mouth fell open. “Brian… you wouldn’t!”
“Keep your pants on, Novotny,” Brian reassured him. “I would never do anything untoward to the guy who walked out on Justin.” Brian glanced at his phone again. Then he looked back at the bar, watching like a hawk. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”
“Brian…”
“Relax, Mikey. I said I’d be right back.”
The path to the men’s room at Woody’s was well-trodden, especially by Brian Kinney, but not in a long time. It felt almost nostalgic. Brian hummed a little tune as he ambled down the hall and into the toilets.
“Well, well, well,” said Brian. “Looks like I’ve found my little Grindr buddy.”
Robbie looked up from the urinal, startled. “Um… Brian?”
“Yes, Brian Kinney. We met at Deb and Carl’s Fourth of July party, albeit briefly. I’d shake hands, but I see that you already have your hands full.” Brian raised an eyebrow as he perused Robbie’s dick.
“Sure,” said the flustered Robbie. “The picnic. Yeah, that was… um… um…”
“Unpleasant?” Brian offered. “Nasty? Sad? Unfortunate?” He moved closer. “Did Justin know you were hooking up with guys on Grindr? Seems a little hypocritical when you were pointing the finger at Justin for doing the same thing, especially when you were the one pushing for an exclusive relationship.”
“I wasn’t hooking up with guys,” said Robbie, backing away. Brian scared the crap out of him! But there was nowhere to go, except into the far stall. And Brian kept backing him into it. “I… I was just looking for guys to… to chat with online.” Even as he said it, Robbie knew how lame it sounded.
“Right. You go on Grindr for friendship. Which is why you have a pic of your shirtless chest and not your face in your profile… Carlos.” Brian held up his phone to show Robbie’s - or Carlos' - profile. He also showed the grid that indicated he and Brian were right next to each other. Brian slipped his phone in his pocket and unsnapped his jeans. “Take it out.”
“B…but…” Robbie stammered.
“I said ‘take it out.’ What about ‘take it out’ do you not understand?”
Robbie immediately went to his knees and eagerly took out Brian’s cock. Brian was older than most of the guys he fucked, but he liked older guys. Like Justin. And the idea of sucking off Justin’s ex made it even more exciting.
The kid wasn’t bad, thought Brian. He’s got a nice mouth and knows how to use his tongue. Justin taught him well. Brian closed his eyes and focused on his cock. He liked to prolong the pleasure. He was no ten-second-man like poor Michael. And the longer he held on, the harder Robbie worked it, stopping to lick Brian’s balls, then attacking his dick again, taking it deeper into his throat. And deeper.
Brian heard the door of the men’s room open, but he ignored it. He didn’t mind an audience, even if it was Mikey, being judgmental. He could handle Michael. Time to end this, Brian thought, and he came hard into Robbie’s mouth. But the kid took his load like a trouper, licking and sucking every trace of come off his dick. But Brian stayed hard. If he wanted he could go again, but he’d made his point.
“Next time, I’ll ream your tight little ass,” said Brian, buttoning up. “You’ll love that.”
“I will,” said Robbie, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Now that I’m single again.”
“Of course,” said Brian, looking up at the guy standing in front of the men’s room door, watching stone-faced. “Cheaters never prosper.”
Brian smiled at Emmett. But Emmett didn’t smile back.