"The End of 'The Evil Stream'" 5
Back to November 2005 and two other characters
in our little saga. In their happy home on
Stepford Terrace:
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh
"Where have you been?" asked Ben, setting aside the piece he
had been writing. It was almost midnight and Michael was never
out this late these days. Unless... "Let me guess -- with Brian?"
Michael took off his winter coat and hung it on hook next to the
door. It was cold even for the last week of November. "Sort of.
When I talked to him on the phone this afternoon he sounded so
down that I thought I'd go over to the loft and hang out. But he
wasn't there. So I went to Babylon, but no one had seen him
there, either. That's when I started to get worried."
"Michael, you can't monitor Brian," said Ben. "After all these
years I would have thought you'd know that better than anyone."
"I know." Michael sat down next to Ben on the sofa. "But when he
didn't show up for my 35th birthday party last week, or for Ma's
Thanksgiving dinner -- that's not like Brian. He might say he
hates shit like that, but he always makes an appearance. Or at
least he used to. But now...."
"I know he's your best friend," Ben replied. "But you have to
give him some space. He's still sorting his life out."
Michael frowned. "It's been almost nine months since Justin
took off for New York. You'd think that Brian would have moved
on from there. He always bounced right back in the past when
this happened -- after the fiddler, and Hollywood, and... and
everything. But he can't seem to shake this mood he's been in.
Not even re-opening Babylon did it." Michael closed his eyes
and took a deep breath. "I thought that would put Brian right.
That he'd be back to his old self in no time. But he's not. Ted
tells me that he's almost never there. And if he does show up,
it's to make a brief appearance and then disappear. And not to
the backroom, either. He just goes home. By himself."
Ben sighed and shook his head. "I know you want to fix things,
Michael, but this is something that isn't going to be easy to
make better. I don't think anyone imagined that Brian would
take things so hard. But he took a huge one-two punch. First,
the girls taking the kids out of the country, and then Justin
leaving."
"I never should have agreed with Melanie taking J.R. away!
Because then Gus went, too!" Michael grumbled. "I knew I'd
be depressed by it, but I never thought that Brian would be
so... so devastated. I never realized how much time he actually
spent with Gus. I guess he did it quietly so that we didn't
always know. But even now he'd never say how much he
missed his kid. Or how much not seeing him is tearing
him apart."
"Brian went up to Toronto and visited them back in August,"
Ben reminded him. "That's something."
"But he told me that the girls were fighting the entire time
he was visiting, mainly about money. Mel can't practice law
in Canada and Lindsay could only find a minimum wage job
at an art supply store. Everything is more expensive up
there, especially gas and rent. They're really struggling."
"I know that Mel has been asking you for money for J.R.,"
Ben commented.
"Yeah," said Michael. "And I don't have a lot of spare cash
to send her, especially since the 'Rage' movie fell through.
All the money I hoped that Justin and I would get from the
film... Well, there's nothing I can do about that now." Michael
shrugged. "But Brian told me that Mel was her same old
lovable self the whole Brian was staying with them. Sniping
at him. Bitching about everything. He told me that he felt
about as welcome as the plague."
"It's hard for me to say that I feel sorry for Brian Kinney,"
said Ben. "But I do. And with Justin gone...."
"Don't mention him!" Michael breathed. "He makes me so
fucking angry!"
"Come on, Michael," soothed Ben. "This is a big chance for
Justin. A big art career in New York."
"It's bullshit," Michael returned. "He's been stringing Brian
along for years. Everything else is always more important
than Brian -- everything! It fucking burns me up!"
"You were the one who encouraged Justin to go out to Hollywood
for the film," Ben said. "Don't forget that."
"I know," Michael admitted. "But it was the way he acted when
he got out there. I kept telling Brian to go out and visit him --
until Brian told me that Justin wasn't planning to come back
-- ever. He was having too much fun fucking and drugging and
pretending to be a star. What did he need with Pittsburgh? Or
with Brian? That's how Brian saw it. And Brian was still
recovering from cancer, not to mention his broken collarbone.
But that didn't stop Justin from taking off and never looking
back. Some so-called partnership!"
"But Justin did come back," said Ben. "Eventually."
"Only because 'Rage' was canceled," said Michael bluntly. "Not
because he wanted to. But he couldn't afford to stay out in Los
Angeles without a job and almost no money. And Brian took him
right back." Michael looked at Ben thoughtfully. "I know I was
an asshole to Brian at that time. But it was mainly because he
was being so stubborn! So goddamn single-minded. I know now
that it's because he was so fucking scared. He knew he was losing
Justin. That it was only a matter of time. That... that everything
was only a matter of time. When I went over to Babylon tonight,
looking for Brian, that Brandon guy was there. He was in the
middle of the dance floor with two guys fighting over who was
going to give him a blowjob. Ted told me that Brandon is there
every night, strutting around like HE is the owner of Babylon!
Like he's the fucking King of Liberty Avenue! While Brian is
sitting in...." Michael paused. "You know where Brian goes?
When he's not at the loft or at Babylon or any of his usual places?"
"I don't know," Ben answered. "To church with his mother?"
"This isn't a joke!" Michael retorted. "This is serious! I'm really
worried about Brian. He's been driving out to that big house he
bought for Justin. He told me that he goes there when he wants
to be alone and think. To that big, drafty, stupid, empty house!
Sitting there all by himself. Brooding. Sometimes he sleeps
there and drives back early in the morning. I bet that's where
he is right now. I know that's where he is."
"If that's true, then it's sad," said Ben. "But what can we do about
it?"
"Nothing," murmured Michael. "Except watch Brian slowly fall
apart, thinking that no one gives a damn. But I still give a damn,
Ben. I do."
"I know you do, Michael." Ben picked up his pad of paper and pen
and stared at it. It was information about the filmmakers who
would be speaking at the 2005 Carnegie Mellon Gay and Lesbian
Film Festival that he was helping to organize. His eye caught one
name at the top of the list. The keynote speaker of the event. The
director of 'The Olympian,' and 'Red River,' and 'Beyond the Beyond.'
Ron Rosenblum, one of the few openly gay mainstream directors
in Hollywood, along with Todd Haynes, Brett Keller, and a mere
handful of others. Ben had known Ron for a long time, having met
him at a gay film conference years before he had finally made it
big.
And Ben also knew something else about Ron Rosenblum. And about
Brian Kinney, too. Something he'd never told anyone -- not even
Michael.
But maybe it was time to tell what he knew. Now that Ron was once
again coming to Pittsburgh. And now that Brian was single again --
this time for good.
"Michael, I need to show you something." Ben got up and went to the
cabinet where he kept the videos and DVDs that he used for his classes.
He rummaged through it and pulled out a video cassette from the
bottom of the pile.
"Show me what?" Michael asked curiously.
"This," said Ben.
He held in his hand a copy of a film that Ron had given him in 2001,
the last time he'd been in town for the film festival. It was a dub of
his first film, a documentary that he'd made as a film student at NYU
in 1988. The label on the cassette read: 'Red Shirt.'
in our little saga. In their happy home on
Stepford Terrace:
By Gaedhal
Pittsburgh
"Where have you been?" asked Ben, setting aside the piece he
had been writing. It was almost midnight and Michael was never
out this late these days. Unless... "Let me guess -- with Brian?"
Michael took off his winter coat and hung it on hook next to the
door. It was cold even for the last week of November. "Sort of.
When I talked to him on the phone this afternoon he sounded so
down that I thought I'd go over to the loft and hang out. But he
wasn't there. So I went to Babylon, but no one had seen him
there, either. That's when I started to get worried."
"Michael, you can't monitor Brian," said Ben. "After all these
years I would have thought you'd know that better than anyone."
"I know." Michael sat down next to Ben on the sofa. "But when he
didn't show up for my 35th birthday party last week, or for Ma's
Thanksgiving dinner -- that's not like Brian. He might say he
hates shit like that, but he always makes an appearance. Or at
least he used to. But now...."
"I know he's your best friend," Ben replied. "But you have to
give him some space. He's still sorting his life out."
Michael frowned. "It's been almost nine months since Justin
took off for New York. You'd think that Brian would have moved
on from there. He always bounced right back in the past when
this happened -- after the fiddler, and Hollywood, and... and
everything. But he can't seem to shake this mood he's been in.
Not even re-opening Babylon did it." Michael closed his eyes
and took a deep breath. "I thought that would put Brian right.
That he'd be back to his old self in no time. But he's not. Ted
tells me that he's almost never there. And if he does show up,
it's to make a brief appearance and then disappear. And not to
the backroom, either. He just goes home. By himself."
Ben sighed and shook his head. "I know you want to fix things,
Michael, but this is something that isn't going to be easy to
make better. I don't think anyone imagined that Brian would
take things so hard. But he took a huge one-two punch. First,
the girls taking the kids out of the country, and then Justin
leaving."
"I never should have agreed with Melanie taking J.R. away!
Because then Gus went, too!" Michael grumbled. "I knew I'd
be depressed by it, but I never thought that Brian would be
so... so devastated. I never realized how much time he actually
spent with Gus. I guess he did it quietly so that we didn't
always know. But even now he'd never say how much he
missed his kid. Or how much not seeing him is tearing
him apart."
"Brian went up to Toronto and visited them back in August,"
Ben reminded him. "That's something."
"But he told me that the girls were fighting the entire time
he was visiting, mainly about money. Mel can't practice law
in Canada and Lindsay could only find a minimum wage job
at an art supply store. Everything is more expensive up
there, especially gas and rent. They're really struggling."
"I know that Mel has been asking you for money for J.R.,"
Ben commented.
"Yeah," said Michael. "And I don't have a lot of spare cash
to send her, especially since the 'Rage' movie fell through.
All the money I hoped that Justin and I would get from the
film... Well, there's nothing I can do about that now." Michael
shrugged. "But Brian told me that Mel was her same old
lovable self the whole Brian was staying with them. Sniping
at him. Bitching about everything. He told me that he felt
about as welcome as the plague."
"It's hard for me to say that I feel sorry for Brian Kinney,"
said Ben. "But I do. And with Justin gone...."
"Don't mention him!" Michael breathed. "He makes me so
fucking angry!"
"Come on, Michael," soothed Ben. "This is a big chance for
Justin. A big art career in New York."
"It's bullshit," Michael returned. "He's been stringing Brian
along for years. Everything else is always more important
than Brian -- everything! It fucking burns me up!"
"You were the one who encouraged Justin to go out to Hollywood
for the film," Ben said. "Don't forget that."
"I know," Michael admitted. "But it was the way he acted when
he got out there. I kept telling Brian to go out and visit him --
until Brian told me that Justin wasn't planning to come back
-- ever. He was having too much fun fucking and drugging and
pretending to be a star. What did he need with Pittsburgh? Or
with Brian? That's how Brian saw it. And Brian was still
recovering from cancer, not to mention his broken collarbone.
But that didn't stop Justin from taking off and never looking
back. Some so-called partnership!"
"But Justin did come back," said Ben. "Eventually."
"Only because 'Rage' was canceled," said Michael bluntly. "Not
because he wanted to. But he couldn't afford to stay out in Los
Angeles without a job and almost no money. And Brian took him
right back." Michael looked at Ben thoughtfully. "I know I was
an asshole to Brian at that time. But it was mainly because he
was being so stubborn! So goddamn single-minded. I know now
that it's because he was so fucking scared. He knew he was losing
Justin. That it was only a matter of time. That... that everything
was only a matter of time. When I went over to Babylon tonight,
looking for Brian, that Brandon guy was there. He was in the
middle of the dance floor with two guys fighting over who was
going to give him a blowjob. Ted told me that Brandon is there
every night, strutting around like HE is the owner of Babylon!
Like he's the fucking King of Liberty Avenue! While Brian is
sitting in...." Michael paused. "You know where Brian goes?
When he's not at the loft or at Babylon or any of his usual places?"
"I don't know," Ben answered. "To church with his mother?"
"This isn't a joke!" Michael retorted. "This is serious! I'm really
worried about Brian. He's been driving out to that big house he
bought for Justin. He told me that he goes there when he wants
to be alone and think. To that big, drafty, stupid, empty house!
Sitting there all by himself. Brooding. Sometimes he sleeps
there and drives back early in the morning. I bet that's where
he is right now. I know that's where he is."
"If that's true, then it's sad," said Ben. "But what can we do about
it?"
"Nothing," murmured Michael. "Except watch Brian slowly fall
apart, thinking that no one gives a damn. But I still give a damn,
Ben. I do."
"I know you do, Michael." Ben picked up his pad of paper and pen
and stared at it. It was information about the filmmakers who
would be speaking at the 2005 Carnegie Mellon Gay and Lesbian
Film Festival that he was helping to organize. His eye caught one
name at the top of the list. The keynote speaker of the event. The
director of 'The Olympian,' and 'Red River,' and 'Beyond the Beyond.'
Ron Rosenblum, one of the few openly gay mainstream directors
in Hollywood, along with Todd Haynes, Brett Keller, and a mere
handful of others. Ben had known Ron for a long time, having met
him at a gay film conference years before he had finally made it
big.
And Ben also knew something else about Ron Rosenblum. And about
Brian Kinney, too. Something he'd never told anyone -- not even
Michael.
But maybe it was time to tell what he knew. Now that Ron was once
again coming to Pittsburgh. And now that Brian was single again --
this time for good.
"Michael, I need to show you something." Ben got up and went to the
cabinet where he kept the videos and DVDs that he used for his classes.
He rummaged through it and pulled out a video cassette from the
bottom of the pile.
"Show me what?" Michael asked curiously.
"This," said Ben.
He held in his hand a copy of a film that Ron had given him in 2001,
the last time he'd been in town for the film festival. It was a dub of
his first film, a documentary that he'd made as a film student at NYU
in 1988. The label on the cassette read: 'Red Shirt.'