Life's a Bitch. And a Cheap One.
The L Word. 2x01. Location, The Planet. Characters involved: Shane and Alice
Shane: So, how's Tina?
Alice: I don't know, Bette hasn't called yet...
Shane: (Thinking for a while and speaking clearly distressed) There must be something really bad with God for letting two people who were meant to be together to come apart like that.
Yep, I agree with Shane. I don't give a damn if it was a line from a screenplay, it's totally true in certain circumstances.
Today I had to break up with my girlfriend. And I say had to because of the circumstances. Things were just ... argh. It would've been impossible for us to continue seeing each other, for right now she has to pretend being with me was a total mistake, that she is sorry and regrets it, and that she'll never ever see me again. Of course, that was before today. We were planning on continue seeing each other when next term started, but we talked things through and ...
(...)
Kinuko: I wanna know something... do you think you could bear something like this? I mean, hide this and bury it under the surface, in a manner of speaking.
Me: I dunno, what do you say?
Kinuko: IDK either, 'cause I really don't wanna be annoying... for you could be with anyone who gave you less trouble *god, it sucks to have to say so*
Me: Hmmm... a point it certainly has, you know...
Kinuko: And... we'd always be full of lies, and keeping an eye on everything...
Me: Yep.. and we could leave some details in the air without knowing... and then you get really screwed up, and I don't want you to have any more trouble! ... But I love you so!
Kinuko: The thing is that I love you too, but if I can't be with you I'd rather be alone...
(...)
Kinuko: But the thing is that later... maybe you don't get used to it...and damn, I couldn't blame you for not wanting to continue this, because I know how difficult it'd be... and I want you to be happy...
Me: Yep... and I wanna be happy too, and I wanna be happy with you, but under this circumstances...
Kinuko: Because, telling you the truth... I don't have the right to tell you to stay with me, not to tell you what to do... that's why I'm making things clear.
(...)
Me: I think we should cut it here.
Me: Not because we want to, but because we have to.
Me: aaaargh... But I hope that later this circumstances won't be there...
Me: AAAAAAAAARGHHHH...
Kinuko: God... tears are falling down my face... and I don't know what to say...
Me: because if someone sees you with me, or any detail comes to surface, that's it for you, you know?
Me: Nooooooooooo, plz...I'm sad, true (how could I not be?), but we have to do this...
Kinuko: you know how hard this'll be for me, right?... and IDK why, but I thought that... that I'd rather see you dating anyone else so this could sink in easily...
Me: I know... but you that's gonna be hard, right? To find someone like you, someone that'd make me feel like you do, it won't be a piece of cake... but I'm doing this for you...!
Kinuko: God.. this is so not what I want...
Me: what do you want, Kinuko? I love you so much, but I cannot let these problems to continue, I just can't... I can't let that happen, that's why I think it's better to leave it here, and I know that later the circumstances will get better!
Kinuko: Gaby... I know I must do this.. but I just can't.. *God, I can't stop crying...*
(...)
Kinuko: I even had the crazy idea of going to Japan over the summer and work, and rent a flat with the money I made and do w/e I wanted... and then I thought.... it's ilogical to ask her to wait for me... she's surrounded by a lot of people just like me, and I can't let her not being happy ... I can't let her not finding anyone better who won't cause as many trouble... it is enough with the ones I've already caused...
Me: you know that shows how much you love me? That you are willing to renounce me for my own happiness...
Kinuko: you know it hurts, right? That in these moments I feel awful... Because we could have lasted for more time than you can imagine...
Me: I know... I've always had it in mind... that there was no reason for which we couldn't last for a long time...
(...)
Kinuko: Gaby...
Me: Tell me?
Kinuko: I love you...
Me: Me too...
Kinuko: And I wanna know what we have settled...
Me: What we have settled... please don't make me say it again! It's bad enough already... =/
Kinuko: OK...
(...)
Kinuko: I wanna continue being with you...
Me: Me too...
Me: But we can't, please understand it...!
Me: Don't make it harder than how it is already ...!
Me: ... I don't even know how to express my sadness...
Kinuko: I'd better leave... I think I'm hurting more and more...
Me: yes... better...
(...)
Kinuko: I truly do love you...
Kinuko: Take care...
Me: Take care as well... ILY too... but this is the best we can do...
-Kinuko is offline now.-
I feel sad, but I know I did the right thing, right? I guess I need someone else to tell me so, otherwise I won't be able to believe myself... Life's a bitch, sometimes. And a cheap one. I realise I hadn't said it for a long time...