Saying Goodbye to The "Old Me"...
I came to an epiphany as I took a shower this morning. I have changed. I don't wonder if I've changed from who I used to be, but I actually have changed. Maybe I've BEEN changed, but I'm different now, in any case. Uusually when others point it out, it seems more obvious. Having others around in the first place makes it easier, too.
To me, there is a place, an image, maybe even a song that symbolizes things that are specific as we recall them. "A Long December" definitly fit the tone of who I used to be, as I saw him. A sad, mopey, somewhat desperate, melancholy boy who focused too much on how he saw things and too little on how to relate it to others, and when to hold off a bit. He held a fear deep in him he would live and die alone, spend his time yearning but never getting. He often felt he was doing everything wrong, and hating himself for not getting along with others more.
That's over and done with. Nails in the coffin. Put a fork in him, he's done. He ran out of roads, excuses, and optimism. He gained experience, realism, and the courage to tell others what he saw was wrong with them, but fairly without trying so hard to vent it. No one person deserves it all, but circumstance doles out the lumps in our proverbial mashed potatoes. Nothing was as bleak as he wanted to see it, nor was he as bad off as he desired to believe it. He changed. Now, he no longer exists. Now, who I am now is what stands in for the "old me". How curiously convenient he should appear so close to the start of a new year, but he could feel a period of growth coming, and it has come...
Click to viewTo me, there is a place, an image, maybe even a song that symbolizes things that are specific as we recall them. "A Long December" definitly fit the tone of who I used to be, as I saw him. A sad, mopey, somewhat desperate, melancholy boy who focused too much on how he saw things and too little on how to relate it to others, and when to hold off a bit. He held a fear deep in him he would live and die alone, spend his time yearning but never getting. He often felt he was doing everything wrong, and hating himself for not getting along with others more.
That's over and done with. Nails in the coffin. Put a fork in him, he's done. He ran out of roads, excuses, and optimism. He gained experience, realism, and the courage to tell others what he saw was wrong with them, but fairly without trying so hard to vent it. No one person deserves it all, but circumstance doles out the lumps in our proverbial mashed potatoes. Nothing was as bleak as he wanted to see it, nor was he as bad off as he desired to believe it. He changed. Now, he no longer exists. Now, who I am now is what stands in for the "old me". How curiously convenient he should appear so close to the start of a new year, but he could feel a period of growth coming, and it has come...