Allies Questions
I did an Allies workshop last week where I went in and talked about Queer issues 101 and how to be an Ally to that queer kid down the block. At the end we got questions from the kids. I don't know if we'll ever answer them, but here's the answers I would give if we do. Let me know if I'm homophobic, stupid, or awesome.
-How many gays are there?
A generous estimate is that about one in ten people is gay. This is not an undisputed figure, and another common statistic is one in twenty. The former figure comes from the studies on human sexuality undertaken by Alfred Kinsey. The latter I could not find a source for, but I did find a reference on The Bilerico Project, a blog, to a study of the self-identifying LGBT population of Indiana. This study was reported as reflecting the "1 in 20" statistic.
-Do you feel nervous talking to people about your life now?
Public speaking makes me nervous; talking about my life makes me feel well-researched.
-Have you ever been made fun of when found you're gay or lesbian?
Never to my face, but I came out in university where people are generally more mature. I think I've had people make fun of me behind my back for being gay, but I was out of the room, so I'll never know for certain.
- What did your parents say?
My mother was initially okay with it, but now isn't: she lives with my father and he doesn't like queer people. The extended family that I have (who are not missionaries) are all pretty chill about it.
- How do you feel when you first had a crush on someone but you weren't sure you were gay?
Jealous and aggressive. I knew I wanted to engage them, but not intellectually and, back then, OF COURSE not sexually, so I had to opt for a more antagonistic perspective. It was a bit like Iago's love/hate relationship with Othello and light years from the (debatably) healthy crush of Antonio on Sebastian. (Those last two were because my english teacher pointedly ignored the gay subtext of Othello)
-How do you guys feel about your sexuality when you first meet someone?
When I first meet someone I try to guage how receptive they'll be to the news about my homosexuality. Often, I'll just let it sit until it comes out naturally: I won't try to hide that I'm gay, but I also won't trumpet it. I just assume that everybody knows already, and act surprised when they say, "Wait, are you... gay?"
-Did you all have friends to help you go through your life in terms of gay,lesbian,etc?
Queer McGill has a Coming Out group to help people during the process. All my friends were supportive, and the group was fun and gave me a place to talk and, more importantly, a place where I could hear people talk about the same stuff I was going through. That's one reason the help lines are good: you can call and ask them to tell you the stories they know.
-Did your friends or family treat you differently?
It was probably a little awkward at first. Everyone had assumed that I was straight, so there was this new aspect to my personality. Mysteries were explained ("Oh, that's why he broke up with me!") and new ones arose ("Did you have a crush on so-and-so????"). My dad confused my gender with my sexualilty and started treating more like a girl, sometimes in an offensive way. That's changed and now he does more stereotypically male activities with me, specifically automotive care.
-Are you born gay/bi, or do you become queer at a point in your life?
My first same-sex attraction happened when I was under the age of six. This may be a bit too retro, but I had a crush on Wheeler from Captain Planet and the Gargoyle at the end of Fantasia.
- How do you feel when people ask you if you're gay/queer? How do you cope with it?
Normally I feel fine with it, a little scared that they'll judge me badly because of it, but mostly happy that they won't ask me if I think Angelina Jolie is hot anymore. If they were to ask in an attempt to be mean, I guess I'd be more upset/angry, but that hasn't happened yet.
-Does your family support you for who you are?
Nuclear family no, extended family yes. That doesn't, in they're eyes, invalidate my whole life, however, and the more I mention my boyfriend, the more they get used to me having a boyfriend.
-How many gays are there?
A generous estimate is that about one in ten people is gay. This is not an undisputed figure, and another common statistic is one in twenty. The former figure comes from the studies on human sexuality undertaken by Alfred Kinsey. The latter I could not find a source for, but I did find a reference on The Bilerico Project, a blog, to a study of the self-identifying LGBT population of Indiana. This study was reported as reflecting the "1 in 20" statistic.
-Do you feel nervous talking to people about your life now?
Public speaking makes me nervous; talking about my life makes me feel well-researched.
-Have you ever been made fun of when found you're gay or lesbian?
Never to my face, but I came out in university where people are generally more mature. I think I've had people make fun of me behind my back for being gay, but I was out of the room, so I'll never know for certain.
- What did your parents say?
My mother was initially okay with it, but now isn't: she lives with my father and he doesn't like queer people. The extended family that I have (who are not missionaries) are all pretty chill about it.
- How do you feel when you first had a crush on someone but you weren't sure you were gay?
Jealous and aggressive. I knew I wanted to engage them, but not intellectually and, back then, OF COURSE not sexually, so I had to opt for a more antagonistic perspective. It was a bit like Iago's love/hate relationship with Othello and light years from the (debatably) healthy crush of Antonio on Sebastian. (Those last two were because my english teacher pointedly ignored the gay subtext of Othello)
-How do you guys feel about your sexuality when you first meet someone?
When I first meet someone I try to guage how receptive they'll be to the news about my homosexuality. Often, I'll just let it sit until it comes out naturally: I won't try to hide that I'm gay, but I also won't trumpet it. I just assume that everybody knows already, and act surprised when they say, "Wait, are you... gay?"
-Did you all have friends to help you go through your life in terms of gay,lesbian,etc?
Queer McGill has a Coming Out group to help people during the process. All my friends were supportive, and the group was fun and gave me a place to talk and, more importantly, a place where I could hear people talk about the same stuff I was going through. That's one reason the help lines are good: you can call and ask them to tell you the stories they know.
-Did your friends or family treat you differently?
It was probably a little awkward at first. Everyone had assumed that I was straight, so there was this new aspect to my personality. Mysteries were explained ("Oh, that's why he broke up with me!") and new ones arose ("Did you have a crush on so-and-so????"). My dad confused my gender with my sexualilty and started treating more like a girl, sometimes in an offensive way. That's changed and now he does more stereotypically male activities with me, specifically automotive care.
-Are you born gay/bi, or do you become queer at a point in your life?
My first same-sex attraction happened when I was under the age of six. This may be a bit too retro, but I had a crush on Wheeler from Captain Planet and the Gargoyle at the end of Fantasia.
- How do you feel when people ask you if you're gay/queer? How do you cope with it?
Normally I feel fine with it, a little scared that they'll judge me badly because of it, but mostly happy that they won't ask me if I think Angelina Jolie is hot anymore. If they were to ask in an attempt to be mean, I guess I'd be more upset/angry, but that hasn't happened yet.
-Does your family support you for who you are?
Nuclear family no, extended family yes. That doesn't, in they're eyes, invalidate my whole life, however, and the more I mention my boyfriend, the more they get used to me having a boyfriend.