Too much emotion for my own good
So it has been quite some time since I've written. A lot has happened....and a lot hasn't. I've graduated with my Masters...but have failed to procure a "big kid job." I've continued working at the job I had when a student....and I still have not been promoted after 22 months of employment and being given more responsibility and being trained in more areas. I've overcome a difficult back injury and started lifting again....but injured it again recently and have since not lifted but like 4 times. I met someone, we began dating, we fell in love, we talked about the future (marriage, kids, etc.)....and recently they told me there's about an 80% chance they'll be moving to Morocco for two years after they graduate in May.
I'm really discouraged. I'm really sad. I'm really hurt. I just feel like giving up....on everything. I feel like as soon as I make headway, things come crashing down and things were worse off than they were before. All of it is really weighing on my mind and dragging down my mood, but what is killing me most of all is the fact that I'm about to lose someone I love. They've tried to convince me that I'm not really losing them, but that's how I see it. They said they wouldn't expect me to wait two years for them to come back, so if I wanted to date other people that's fine. That means I'd lose them as someone I love romantically. Since they'd be living in Morocco...somewhere that's halfway around the world....I'd never see them, and hardly ever talk to them either. It's not like they're a state or two away, and I can hop on a plane or drive all weekend to go visit them. I can't even pick up the phone and call them or text them when I think of something funny or have a good experience to share with them instantly. The only way we'll be able to really stay in touch is by email. I can tell a story by email and tell them about my day, but it's not the same. It's not like I can text them and within a minute they'll give me a response. I'm losing a friend...I'm losing a companion....I'm losing everything I know. Every time I think of May rolling around, and my life suddenly changing so dramatically and being alone all of a sudden, my chest physically aches because I can feel my heart breaking. I have nothing else in my life that I love, and soon the one thing that I love with my entire being will be gone. I really don't know how I'll be able to manage when they leave.
I'm really discouraged. I'm really sad. I'm really hurt. I just feel like giving up....on everything. I feel like as soon as I make headway, things come crashing down and things were worse off than they were before. All of it is really weighing on my mind and dragging down my mood, but what is killing me most of all is the fact that I'm about to lose someone I love. They've tried to convince me that I'm not really losing them, but that's how I see it. They said they wouldn't expect me to wait two years for them to come back, so if I wanted to date other people that's fine. That means I'd lose them as someone I love romantically. Since they'd be living in Morocco...somewhere that's halfway around the world....I'd never see them, and hardly ever talk to them either. It's not like they're a state or two away, and I can hop on a plane or drive all weekend to go visit them. I can't even pick up the phone and call them or text them when I think of something funny or have a good experience to share with them instantly. The only way we'll be able to really stay in touch is by email. I can tell a story by email and tell them about my day, but it's not the same. It's not like I can text them and within a minute they'll give me a response. I'm losing a friend...I'm losing a companion....I'm losing everything I know. Every time I think of May rolling around, and my life suddenly changing so dramatically and being alone all of a sudden, my chest physically aches because I can feel my heart breaking. I have nothing else in my life that I love, and soon the one thing that I love with my entire being will be gone. I really don't know how I'll be able to manage when they leave.