The dance of spiders
(2:40:14 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: good morning
(2:40:22 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I was just thinking about you
(2:40:34 PM) HelLRalzer6669: good morning
(2:41:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I was asleep 4 minutes ago
(2:41:40 PM) HelLRalzer6669: ah well then here I am
(2:41:55 PM) HelLRalzer6669: heh wow first thoughts then
(2:42:24 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: are you really there
(2:42:28 PM) HelLRalzer6669: sow how have the first 5 mins of your day been
(2:42:44 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: cold
(2:43:21 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I need to listen to music
(2:43:36 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: LOUD MUSIC
(2:43:46 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: and dance
(2:44:38 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: have you danced today
(2:47:02 PM) HelLRalzer6669: sorry about that
(2:47:47 PM) HelLRalzer6669: did i miss anything
(2:48:22 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: not really
(2:48:28 PM) HelLRalzer6669: awshum
(2:48:33 PM) HelLRalzer6669: so how do you feel about Alice in wonderland?
(2:48:53 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I love you
(2:49:13 PM) HelLRalzer6669: so you like it?
(2:49:17 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lyes
(2:49:26 PM) HelLRalzer6669: cool. i have something to send you
(2:49:41 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I still fucking waiting on masons movie to come out about it
(2:49:53 PM) HelLRalzer6669: oh the video game thing?
(2:50:16 PM) HelLRalzer6669: the uh psycho alice
(2:50:50 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: no
(2:51:15 PM) HelLRalzer6669: haha oh okay thats the one im waiting on
(2:51:24 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its more about louis crowmwell or what ever his name it
(2:51:52 PM) HelLRalzer6669: my mistake
(2:52:13 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: your thinking about american mcgee
(2:52:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: great game
(2:52:22 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: very great
(2:52:34 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: good book
(2:52:50 PM) HelLRalzer6669: theres a book thats like the game?
(2:53:11 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I was talking about through the looking glass for the book
(2:53:33 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: there is a lot of pain in that book though
(2:54:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its a surreal nightmare involving loss of control
(2:54:42 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: inability to communicate of reason
(2:54:50 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: or reason
(2:55:10 PM) HelLRalzer6669: hm sounds fun
(2:55:18 PM) HelLRalzer6669: as far as the book is concerned atleast
(2:55:24 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lol
(2:55:35 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its why I love acid so much
(2:56:05 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i was talking with someone who apparently did acid with you at some point
(2:56:25 PM) HelLRalzer6669: or knew someone who did...i think it was my friends sister
(2:56:34 PM) HelLRalzer6669: anyway
(2:57:03 PM) HelLRalzer6669: the affects of such things, i only know stories
(2:57:09 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: Phantasmagoria: The Visions of Lewis Carroll
(2:57:25 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it changes your life for every
(2:57:57 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: like wisdom for 7 dollars a piece if used right
(2:58:42 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its the only thing I know that you can do and become the docter and the patient
(2:58:56 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its religious for me.
(2:58:59 PM) HelLRalzer6669: its funny, im not the biggest fan of partaking but if you find the right person they speak so passionately about it
(2:59:17 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i love to listen
(3:00:19 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: consider everything that makes up in a box with a open lid
(3:00:36 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: you can only see the top layer
(3:01:01 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: when you take acid
(3:03:47 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its likes shifting the box up very fast to were all the contents fly up into the air and then slowing time down so the contents of your self or exposed and suspended for 12 hours enabling you to sort though learn move around. and the pieces return to the box at the end of the trip...... but never in the same order. and even though you some of the things you saw are hidden now. you know they are right under the surface of that box
(3:04:09 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: are*
(3:04:57 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it saved my life
(3:05:19 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it could save magens too
(3:05:41 PM) HelLRalzer6669: thats a very interesting way to put it. its almost poetic
(3:05:50 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: she is a great example
(3:06:27 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: she doesnt see as much of the surface in her box
(3:08:49 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: you cant tell her its there because her super ego blocks you out. it wont let such a contradictory statement as you have some issues to work out to make yourself a much more accepting and compassionate person and it will make you happier in the long run.
(3:09:18 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I can see her subconscious
(3:09:38 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: acid would make her self aware
(3:10:13 PM) HelLRalzer6669: you can see her subconscious? she must underestimate you
(3:10:27 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: she does
(3:10:30 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: highly
(3:10:39 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I watch her
(3:10:49 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: VERY closely
(3:11:04 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: she fascinates me
(3:11:24 PM) HelLRalzer6669: how lucky she is
(3:11:56 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: how unlucky I am
(3:12:08 PM) HelLRalzer6669: because she wont let you get close?
(3:12:15 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: She wont let anyone help her
(3:12:24 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: even herself
(3:12:39 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: she has a big wall
(3:12:45 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i use to watch her 2
(3:12:52 PM) HelLRalzer6669: yes she does
(3:13:02 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lsd is the only thing I could imagine to break it
(3:13:41 PM) HelLRalzer6669: I bet i could of helped her
(3:13:54 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: between herself and her subconscious anyway
(3:14:46 PM) HelLRalzer6669: my dedication to projects gets lost
(3:15:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I have been only been able to remind inside the realm of friends.
(3:15:41 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I dont know how to get closer
(3:16:14 PM) HelLRalzer6669: are you saying you want to get closer to megan or is that a general statement?
(3:17:15 PM) HelLRalzer6669: what time did you write your new blog yesterday?!
(3:17:55 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: brb
(3:18:06 PM) HelLRalzer6669: damn okay
(3:23:06 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I know right
(3:23:15 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: ummm 1
(3:26:23 PM) HelLRalzer6669: in the am?
(3:26:35 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: probably later
(3:26:46 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I dont keep track of time
(3:26:58 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it keeps me on get terms with it
(3:27:15 PM) HelLRalzer6669: cool cause i gotta tell you something later. i have to go right now
(3:27:23 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: :(
(3:27:30 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I have to work at 5
(3:28:05 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: well then I shall see you later then
(3:39:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: if you keep on good terms with time, the O'clock doesn't matter, It could be anything. If you dont it dosnt matter either. It will be with O'clock time wants.
(3:39:35 PM) HelLRalzer6669: haha hey
(3:39:37 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: poor a little tea on the doormouse dear, he's asleep again
(3:39:44 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lol
(3:39:45 PM) HelLRalzer6669: :-)
(3:39:52 PM) HelLRalzer6669: rich
(3:40:24 PM) HelLRalzer6669: so im back for now. changes were made
(3:40:42 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: those are always fun
(3:40:48 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: what kind of change
(3:41:30 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i can talk longer because my company is no loner acompaning me
(3:42:05 PM) HelLRalzer6669: longer*
(3:42:59 PM) HelLRalzer6669: try to to be on the computer while others are over. but ihave been known to break the rule a few times
(3:43:28 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: ah
(3:43:39 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I figured
(3:43:58 PM) HelLRalzer6669: yup sorry about that
(3:44:03 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: probably later
(3:26:46 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I dont keep track of time
(3:26:58 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it keeps me on get terms with it
(3:27:15 PM) HelLRalzer6669: cool cause i gotta tell you something later. i have to go right now
(3:44:22 PM) HelLRalzer6669: alright
(3:44:27 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lol
(3:44:31 PM) HelLRalzer6669: ^_^
(3:44:51 PM) HelLRalzer6669: see i was asking because i think we somewhat shared a moment.
(3:44:58 PM) HelLRalzer6669: mentally
(3:45:01 PM) HelLRalzer6669: CrAzY
(3:45:07 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: not crazy at all
(3:46:41 PM) HelLRalzer6669: well the blog you wrote, i wrote a very very similar thing a few years ago. and tried not to think of it since. but yesterday i couldnt get the thoughts out of my head and i wrote down 2 lists of the personalities that are currently bumbing heads...in my head
(3:47:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lol
(3:47:24 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i did alot of thinking after your last visit
(3:47:53 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I love having that effect on people
(3:48:09 PM) HelLRalzer6669: im sure
(3:48:18 PM) HelLRalzer6669: right now im pretty level minded though
(3:49:10 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: and what did you think about
(3:49:54 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i thought about why i have such a hard time throwing things away
(3:50:09 PM) HelLRalzer6669: and i found a lot of reasons
(3:50:58 PM) HelLRalzer6669: and i briefly thought about if i needed people
(3:52:35 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: could you make a necessary assumption from that question without really just being utterly alone for a long period of time.
(3:53:53 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i already know i do
(3:54:28 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i dont want to become bitter just yet
(3:54:54 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I love hearing that statement
(3:55:14 PM) HelLRalzer6669: good
(3:55:21 PM) HelLRalzer6669: ..i guess
(3:55:24 PM) HelLRalzer6669: :
(3:55:56 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: remember the thing about resentment.
(3:56:35 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I don't see any benefit in being bitter with even your enemies
(3:57:02 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: and this ties into you want to keep things around
(3:57:13 PM) HelLRalzer6669: yeah
(3:59:04 PM) HelLRalzer6669: sometimes i make myself forget things. other times i need something that seems substantial. and really in result, i myself dont want to be thrown out.
(3:59:11 PM) HelLRalzer6669: short and to the point on that
(4:00:16 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i dont push people away because i hate them i do it because i care about them
(4:01:33 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: Thats a BAAAAAAAAAAD habit and being bitter against someone else is better then being being bitter against your self.
(4:02:55 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i'll get over. im not worried
(4:02:55 PM) HelLRalzer6669: over it*
(4:03:35 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: what do you mean
(4:04:39 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i mean i'll get over my antics. everything will be pretty :p so to speak
(4:06:44 PM) HelLRalzer6669: when i was thinking about those things, someone else was in my head
(4:06:56 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I was trying to build the bridge, while you were tunneling your escape
(4:07:29 PM) HelLRalzer6669: is that what you think?
(4:08:28 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its what I always think when I think of someone pushing others away
(4:09:00 PM) HelLRalzer6669: well it's nicely put
(4:09:48 PM) HelLRalzer6669: im alot of work
(4:10:08 PM) HelLRalzer6669: :-\
(4:10:42 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I think you would be worth it
(4:10:51 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: and so should you
(4:12:02 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: or maybe the love of your life isnt stubborn enough.... and the one who isnt is just....stubborn
(4:12:18 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lol
(4:12:32 PM) HelLRalzer6669: love of my life?
(4:12:40 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: as fate would have it that is
(4:13:13 PM) HelLRalzer6669: fate huh
(4:13:19 PM) HelLRalzer6669: hmm we shall see
(4:13:22 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: the red yarn
(4:13:56 PM) HelLRalzer6669: isnt stubborn enough you say?
(4:15:48 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it was a joke. dont look further into it. If he loves you, you cant push him away....or he is just stubborn
(4:16:20 PM) HelLRalzer6669: haha oh okay i get it now
(4:16:48 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: :)
(4:18:19 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I could see it as a trial type validation.... cuz I do it a bit myself... but if I met someone worth it... I attach myself to keep myself from leaving.
(4:18:55 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: but then again the trail of pushing someone away might only prove that they are stubborn, not in love.
(4:18:59 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: but thats no fun
(4:19:35 PM) HelLRalzer6669: its confusing, yes
(4:19:50 PM) HelLRalzer6669: that trick wouldnt work on me
(4:20:06 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: pushing you away you mean?
(4:21:26 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: so if I pushed you away as hypothetically you pushed me away. you would stop pushing me away and be like I know this all too well.....Latch
(4:23:23 PM) HelLRalzer6669: yeah. i mean if my head is right and i know you well enough yeah i may put up the fight. but in almost all cases when someone tells me they are done with me, I simply say okay. no matter how much i wish they wouldnt. i guess im one of the "if you really love them you'll let them go because its what the need or want"but sometimes people dont know what they want.
my internal conflict is too strong to fight.
(4:24:23 PM) HelLRalzer6669: the way im thinking at moments time though there are a few people in my head that if they tried to i wouldnt let them.
(4:25:25 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: brb
(4:28:50 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: back
(4:28:59 PM) HelLRalzer6669: arent you leaving soon
(4:29:17 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: unfortunately
(4:30:15 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: but if I wasnt I would end up talking to you for hours anyway......then upon asked if leaving soon I would reply, unfortunately
(4:31:02 PM) HelLRalzer6669: :-)
(4:31:22 PM) HelLRalzer6669: how shweet
(4:31:39 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: :-D
(4:32:32 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lmao
(4:32:40 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: nothing
(4:33:03 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I just manically laughed
(4:33:17 PM) HelLRalzer6669: heh alright
(4:33:50 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: as I watched my egos switch very rapidly
(4:34:15 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: It may not have been a good thing I noticed
(4:34:19 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i am curious as to your current thoughts
(4:34:30 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: Im so conflicted
(4:35:08 PM) HelLRalzer6669: we would make a beutiful painting
(4:35:20 PM) HelLRalzer6669: beautiful
(4:36:54 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I was going to type beware of the silver tongue of the Chessman and right before I hit enter it was like either the Lover or the Beast or the Chessman moving my hand oh so smoothly to the backspace
(4:37:32 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I heard one say, she doesn't need a warning
(4:38:04 PM) HelLRalzer6669: ^_^ that could mean one of several things to me
(4:38:12 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: exactly
(4:39:00 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: are we dancing?
(4:39:48 PM) HelLRalzer6669: well we cant possibly be playing yet so it must be a dance
(4:41:11 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: You have one of the most beautiful minds I have ever seen.
(4:41:20 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: the dance of the spiders
(4:41:49 PM) HelLRalzer6669: how charming
(4:42:19 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: Im caught in your web whilst spinning mine
(4:42:40 PM) HelLRalzer6669: isnt it fun
(4:43:00 PM) HelLRalzer6669: ;-)
(4:43:53 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: are you going to eat me..... I would like to know a head of time....just to be prepared
(4:44:10 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I left the typo as a pun....corny but... meh
(4:44:57 PM) HelLRalzer6669: im more of a torture than a feeder
(4:45:25 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: yes..... contrast
(4:45:53 PM) HelLRalzer6669: are you planning to eat me?
(4:46:32 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: Its more of a kiss then a venomous bite
(4:47:05 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: but I think I have to go to work now
(4:47:27 PM) HelLRalzer6669: have a nice night sir.
(4:47:33 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: <3
(4:47:38 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: peace
(4:47:38 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i think i may like this poison
(2:40:22 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I was just thinking about you
(2:40:34 PM) HelLRalzer6669: good morning
(2:41:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I was asleep 4 minutes ago
(2:41:40 PM) HelLRalzer6669: ah well then here I am
(2:41:55 PM) HelLRalzer6669: heh wow first thoughts then
(2:42:24 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: are you really there
(2:42:28 PM) HelLRalzer6669: sow how have the first 5 mins of your day been
(2:42:44 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: cold
(2:43:21 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I need to listen to music
(2:43:36 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: LOUD MUSIC
(2:43:46 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: and dance
(2:44:38 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: have you danced today
(2:47:02 PM) HelLRalzer6669: sorry about that
(2:47:47 PM) HelLRalzer6669: did i miss anything
(2:48:22 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: not really
(2:48:28 PM) HelLRalzer6669: awshum
(2:48:33 PM) HelLRalzer6669: so how do you feel about Alice in wonderland?
(2:48:53 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I love you
(2:49:13 PM) HelLRalzer6669: so you like it?
(2:49:17 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lyes
(2:49:26 PM) HelLRalzer6669: cool. i have something to send you
(2:49:41 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I still fucking waiting on masons movie to come out about it
(2:49:53 PM) HelLRalzer6669: oh the video game thing?
(2:50:16 PM) HelLRalzer6669: the uh psycho alice
(2:50:50 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: no
(2:51:15 PM) HelLRalzer6669: haha oh okay thats the one im waiting on
(2:51:24 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its more about louis crowmwell or what ever his name it
(2:51:52 PM) HelLRalzer6669: my mistake
(2:52:13 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: your thinking about american mcgee
(2:52:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: great game
(2:52:22 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: very great
(2:52:34 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: good book
(2:52:50 PM) HelLRalzer6669: theres a book thats like the game?
(2:53:11 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I was talking about through the looking glass for the book
(2:53:33 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: there is a lot of pain in that book though
(2:54:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its a surreal nightmare involving loss of control
(2:54:42 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: inability to communicate of reason
(2:54:50 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: or reason
(2:55:10 PM) HelLRalzer6669: hm sounds fun
(2:55:18 PM) HelLRalzer6669: as far as the book is concerned atleast
(2:55:24 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lol
(2:55:35 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its why I love acid so much
(2:56:05 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i was talking with someone who apparently did acid with you at some point
(2:56:25 PM) HelLRalzer6669: or knew someone who did...i think it was my friends sister
(2:56:34 PM) HelLRalzer6669: anyway
(2:57:03 PM) HelLRalzer6669: the affects of such things, i only know stories
(2:57:09 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: Phantasmagoria: The Visions of Lewis Carroll
(2:57:25 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it changes your life for every
(2:57:57 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: like wisdom for 7 dollars a piece if used right
(2:58:42 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its the only thing I know that you can do and become the docter and the patient
(2:58:56 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its religious for me.
(2:58:59 PM) HelLRalzer6669: its funny, im not the biggest fan of partaking but if you find the right person they speak so passionately about it
(2:59:17 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i love to listen
(3:00:19 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: consider everything that makes up in a box with a open lid
(3:00:36 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: you can only see the top layer
(3:01:01 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: when you take acid
(3:03:47 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its likes shifting the box up very fast to were all the contents fly up into the air and then slowing time down so the contents of your self or exposed and suspended for 12 hours enabling you to sort though learn move around. and the pieces return to the box at the end of the trip...... but never in the same order. and even though you some of the things you saw are hidden now. you know they are right under the surface of that box
(3:04:09 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: are*
(3:04:57 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it saved my life
(3:05:19 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it could save magens too
(3:05:41 PM) HelLRalzer6669: thats a very interesting way to put it. its almost poetic
(3:05:50 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: she is a great example
(3:06:27 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: she doesnt see as much of the surface in her box
(3:08:49 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: you cant tell her its there because her super ego blocks you out. it wont let such a contradictory statement as you have some issues to work out to make yourself a much more accepting and compassionate person and it will make you happier in the long run.
(3:09:18 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I can see her subconscious
(3:09:38 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: acid would make her self aware
(3:10:13 PM) HelLRalzer6669: you can see her subconscious? she must underestimate you
(3:10:27 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: she does
(3:10:30 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: highly
(3:10:39 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I watch her
(3:10:49 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: VERY closely
(3:11:04 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: she fascinates me
(3:11:24 PM) HelLRalzer6669: how lucky she is
(3:11:56 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: how unlucky I am
(3:12:08 PM) HelLRalzer6669: because she wont let you get close?
(3:12:15 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: She wont let anyone help her
(3:12:24 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: even herself
(3:12:39 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: she has a big wall
(3:12:45 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i use to watch her 2
(3:12:52 PM) HelLRalzer6669: yes she does
(3:13:02 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lsd is the only thing I could imagine to break it
(3:13:41 PM) HelLRalzer6669: I bet i could of helped her
(3:13:54 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: between herself and her subconscious anyway
(3:14:46 PM) HelLRalzer6669: my dedication to projects gets lost
(3:15:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I have been only been able to remind inside the realm of friends.
(3:15:41 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I dont know how to get closer
(3:16:14 PM) HelLRalzer6669: are you saying you want to get closer to megan or is that a general statement?
(3:17:15 PM) HelLRalzer6669: what time did you write your new blog yesterday?!
(3:17:55 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: brb
(3:18:06 PM) HelLRalzer6669: damn okay
(3:23:06 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I know right
(3:23:15 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: ummm 1
(3:26:23 PM) HelLRalzer6669: in the am?
(3:26:35 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: probably later
(3:26:46 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I dont keep track of time
(3:26:58 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it keeps me on get terms with it
(3:27:15 PM) HelLRalzer6669: cool cause i gotta tell you something later. i have to go right now
(3:27:23 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: :(
(3:27:30 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I have to work at 5
(3:28:05 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: well then I shall see you later then
(3:39:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: if you keep on good terms with time, the O'clock doesn't matter, It could be anything. If you dont it dosnt matter either. It will be with O'clock time wants.
(3:39:35 PM) HelLRalzer6669: haha hey
(3:39:37 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: poor a little tea on the doormouse dear, he's asleep again
(3:39:44 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lol
(3:39:45 PM) HelLRalzer6669: :-)
(3:39:52 PM) HelLRalzer6669: rich
(3:40:24 PM) HelLRalzer6669: so im back for now. changes were made
(3:40:42 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: those are always fun
(3:40:48 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: what kind of change
(3:41:30 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i can talk longer because my company is no loner acompaning me
(3:42:05 PM) HelLRalzer6669: longer*
(3:42:59 PM) HelLRalzer6669: try to to be on the computer while others are over. but ihave been known to break the rule a few times
(3:43:28 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: ah
(3:43:39 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I figured
(3:43:58 PM) HelLRalzer6669: yup sorry about that
(3:44:03 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: probably later
(3:26:46 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I dont keep track of time
(3:26:58 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it keeps me on get terms with it
(3:27:15 PM) HelLRalzer6669: cool cause i gotta tell you something later. i have to go right now
(3:44:22 PM) HelLRalzer6669: alright
(3:44:27 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lol
(3:44:31 PM) HelLRalzer6669: ^_^
(3:44:51 PM) HelLRalzer6669: see i was asking because i think we somewhat shared a moment.
(3:44:58 PM) HelLRalzer6669: mentally
(3:45:01 PM) HelLRalzer6669: CrAzY
(3:45:07 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: not crazy at all
(3:46:41 PM) HelLRalzer6669: well the blog you wrote, i wrote a very very similar thing a few years ago. and tried not to think of it since. but yesterday i couldnt get the thoughts out of my head and i wrote down 2 lists of the personalities that are currently bumbing heads...in my head
(3:47:16 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lol
(3:47:24 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i did alot of thinking after your last visit
(3:47:53 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I love having that effect on people
(3:48:09 PM) HelLRalzer6669: im sure
(3:48:18 PM) HelLRalzer6669: right now im pretty level minded though
(3:49:10 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: and what did you think about
(3:49:54 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i thought about why i have such a hard time throwing things away
(3:50:09 PM) HelLRalzer6669: and i found a lot of reasons
(3:50:58 PM) HelLRalzer6669: and i briefly thought about if i needed people
(3:52:35 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: could you make a necessary assumption from that question without really just being utterly alone for a long period of time.
(3:53:53 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i already know i do
(3:54:28 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i dont want to become bitter just yet
(3:54:54 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I love hearing that statement
(3:55:14 PM) HelLRalzer6669: good
(3:55:21 PM) HelLRalzer6669: ..i guess
(3:55:24 PM) HelLRalzer6669: :
(3:55:56 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: remember the thing about resentment.
(3:56:35 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I don't see any benefit in being bitter with even your enemies
(3:57:02 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: and this ties into you want to keep things around
(3:57:13 PM) HelLRalzer6669: yeah
(3:59:04 PM) HelLRalzer6669: sometimes i make myself forget things. other times i need something that seems substantial. and really in result, i myself dont want to be thrown out.
(3:59:11 PM) HelLRalzer6669: short and to the point on that
(4:00:16 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i dont push people away because i hate them i do it because i care about them
(4:01:33 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: Thats a BAAAAAAAAAAD habit and being bitter against someone else is better then being being bitter against your self.
(4:02:55 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i'll get over. im not worried
(4:02:55 PM) HelLRalzer6669: over it*
(4:03:35 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: what do you mean
(4:04:39 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i mean i'll get over my antics. everything will be pretty :p so to speak
(4:06:44 PM) HelLRalzer6669: when i was thinking about those things, someone else was in my head
(4:06:56 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I was trying to build the bridge, while you were tunneling your escape
(4:07:29 PM) HelLRalzer6669: is that what you think?
(4:08:28 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: its what I always think when I think of someone pushing others away
(4:09:00 PM) HelLRalzer6669: well it's nicely put
(4:09:48 PM) HelLRalzer6669: im alot of work
(4:10:08 PM) HelLRalzer6669: :-\
(4:10:42 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I think you would be worth it
(4:10:51 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: and so should you
(4:12:02 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: or maybe the love of your life isnt stubborn enough.... and the one who isnt is just....stubborn
(4:12:18 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lol
(4:12:32 PM) HelLRalzer6669: love of my life?
(4:12:40 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: as fate would have it that is
(4:13:13 PM) HelLRalzer6669: fate huh
(4:13:19 PM) HelLRalzer6669: hmm we shall see
(4:13:22 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: the red yarn
(4:13:56 PM) HelLRalzer6669: isnt stubborn enough you say?
(4:15:48 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: it was a joke. dont look further into it. If he loves you, you cant push him away....or he is just stubborn
(4:16:20 PM) HelLRalzer6669: haha oh okay i get it now
(4:16:48 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: :)
(4:18:19 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I could see it as a trial type validation.... cuz I do it a bit myself... but if I met someone worth it... I attach myself to keep myself from leaving.
(4:18:55 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: but then again the trail of pushing someone away might only prove that they are stubborn, not in love.
(4:18:59 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: but thats no fun
(4:19:35 PM) HelLRalzer6669: its confusing, yes
(4:19:50 PM) HelLRalzer6669: that trick wouldnt work on me
(4:20:06 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: pushing you away you mean?
(4:21:26 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: so if I pushed you away as hypothetically you pushed me away. you would stop pushing me away and be like I know this all too well.....Latch
(4:23:23 PM) HelLRalzer6669: yeah. i mean if my head is right and i know you well enough yeah i may put up the fight. but in almost all cases when someone tells me they are done with me, I simply say okay. no matter how much i wish they wouldnt. i guess im one of the "if you really love them you'll let them go because its what the need or want"but sometimes people dont know what they want.
my internal conflict is too strong to fight.
(4:24:23 PM) HelLRalzer6669: the way im thinking at moments time though there are a few people in my head that if they tried to i wouldnt let them.
(4:25:25 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: brb
(4:28:50 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: back
(4:28:59 PM) HelLRalzer6669: arent you leaving soon
(4:29:17 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: unfortunately
(4:30:15 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: but if I wasnt I would end up talking to you for hours anyway......then upon asked if leaving soon I would reply, unfortunately
(4:31:02 PM) HelLRalzer6669: :-)
(4:31:22 PM) HelLRalzer6669: how shweet
(4:31:39 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: :-D
(4:32:32 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: lmao
(4:32:40 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: nothing
(4:33:03 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I just manically laughed
(4:33:17 PM) HelLRalzer6669: heh alright
(4:33:50 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: as I watched my egos switch very rapidly
(4:34:15 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: It may not have been a good thing I noticed
(4:34:19 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i am curious as to your current thoughts
(4:34:30 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: Im so conflicted
(4:35:08 PM) HelLRalzer6669: we would make a beutiful painting
(4:35:20 PM) HelLRalzer6669: beautiful
(4:36:54 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I was going to type beware of the silver tongue of the Chessman and right before I hit enter it was like either the Lover or the Beast or the Chessman moving my hand oh so smoothly to the backspace
(4:37:32 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I heard one say, she doesn't need a warning
(4:38:04 PM) HelLRalzer6669: ^_^ that could mean one of several things to me
(4:38:12 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: exactly
(4:39:00 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: are we dancing?
(4:39:48 PM) HelLRalzer6669: well we cant possibly be playing yet so it must be a dance
(4:41:11 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: You have one of the most beautiful minds I have ever seen.
(4:41:20 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: the dance of the spiders
(4:41:49 PM) HelLRalzer6669: how charming
(4:42:19 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: Im caught in your web whilst spinning mine
(4:42:40 PM) HelLRalzer6669: isnt it fun
(4:43:00 PM) HelLRalzer6669: ;-)
(4:43:53 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: are you going to eat me..... I would like to know a head of time....just to be prepared
(4:44:10 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: I left the typo as a pun....corny but... meh
(4:44:57 PM) HelLRalzer6669: im more of a torture than a feeder
(4:45:25 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: yes..... contrast
(4:45:53 PM) HelLRalzer6669: are you planning to eat me?
(4:46:32 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: Its more of a kiss then a venomous bite
(4:47:05 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: but I think I have to go to work now
(4:47:27 PM) HelLRalzer6669: have a nice night sir.
(4:47:33 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: <3
(4:47:38 PM) rhtb4theeyeblnks: peace
(4:47:38 PM) HelLRalzer6669: i think i may like this poison