(no subject)
My birthday was not like Sixteen Candles. My detentions were never like The Breakfast Club. i never had to give my undies to a nerd so he could show them off *mainly because i dont wear them, but thats not the point here* and a nice preppy girl never wiped all that black shit off my eyes so i could be presented to the nice jock who was caught doing something bad.
i grew up with these images that i would have a Sweet Sixteen Party and it would be magic. i never had a sweet sixteen. i grew up with the thought that once i turned sixteen, something magical would happen to me, all of a sudden i'd be a knockout, but i might be hiding behind a pony tail and awkward glasses. maybe pants that didnt fit too well. then someone would take a liking to me, and i'd be gorgeus and everyone would love me.
instead i was awkward *with super cool glasses* and not too many people were very fond of me. John Hughes painted these images that i wanted to live up too. and if not John Hughes films, i at the very least Grease. i wanted to be Rizzo, edgy, sly, kind of slutty, loved, but above all misunderstood and feared by all. that didnt happen.
watching those films was like receiving an empty promise. it's as if someone said *no bekka! dont kill yourself just yet, you're going to have this amazing transformation soon, just wait! see? these people are having the life you yearn for.* to which i would temporarily put down my pill bottle and say calmly "but they're fake. it's fiction. that isnt real. i have nothing left." *but no bekka! im not telling you lies, please listen. fiction must be based on something right? even the most wild and fantastic tales of myth and magic are based on some sliver of truth. so, since these films take place in a very real place, and the characters are based on very real people, isnt it possible that you could expirience these same things? because you will.* to which i put my bottle for a few more years, and waited. i enterd highschool. at the end of freshman year i was unfulfilled. but then i figured that was because i was too young, no one ever made a film about 14 year old kids. maybe next year. sophomore year left me unfulfilled. they've made movies about sophomores. after all, I WAS FINALLY 16! that wonderful age. and here i am now, nearing on 17. no wild parties. no romantic surprises. no sweet teenage love.
i have until May 1st 2006 to expirience all those wonderful things you hear about when you're 10 years old and wishing you were 16.
a few things i have expirienced from the movies are feelings of woe, stalking a crush *but unlike the movies, it didnt work out. i doubt she knows my name*, and falling in love with my best friend *but i had to get over that a LONG time ago*. oh...i also had a divorce to deal with...but i dont think that was in any of the movies.
i am left feeling very unfulfilled with life.
i grew up with these images that i would have a Sweet Sixteen Party and it would be magic. i never had a sweet sixteen. i grew up with the thought that once i turned sixteen, something magical would happen to me, all of a sudden i'd be a knockout, but i might be hiding behind a pony tail and awkward glasses. maybe pants that didnt fit too well. then someone would take a liking to me, and i'd be gorgeus and everyone would love me.
instead i was awkward *with super cool glasses* and not too many people were very fond of me. John Hughes painted these images that i wanted to live up too. and if not John Hughes films, i at the very least Grease. i wanted to be Rizzo, edgy, sly, kind of slutty, loved, but above all misunderstood and feared by all. that didnt happen.
watching those films was like receiving an empty promise. it's as if someone said *no bekka! dont kill yourself just yet, you're going to have this amazing transformation soon, just wait! see? these people are having the life you yearn for.* to which i would temporarily put down my pill bottle and say calmly "but they're fake. it's fiction. that isnt real. i have nothing left." *but no bekka! im not telling you lies, please listen. fiction must be based on something right? even the most wild and fantastic tales of myth and magic are based on some sliver of truth. so, since these films take place in a very real place, and the characters are based on very real people, isnt it possible that you could expirience these same things? because you will.* to which i put my bottle for a few more years, and waited. i enterd highschool. at the end of freshman year i was unfulfilled. but then i figured that was because i was too young, no one ever made a film about 14 year old kids. maybe next year. sophomore year left me unfulfilled. they've made movies about sophomores. after all, I WAS FINALLY 16! that wonderful age. and here i am now, nearing on 17. no wild parties. no romantic surprises. no sweet teenage love.
i have until May 1st 2006 to expirience all those wonderful things you hear about when you're 10 years old and wishing you were 16.
a few things i have expirienced from the movies are feelings of woe, stalking a crush *but unlike the movies, it didnt work out. i doubt she knows my name*, and falling in love with my best friend *but i had to get over that a LONG time ago*. oh...i also had a divorce to deal with...but i dont think that was in any of the movies.
i am left feeling very unfulfilled with life.