Inductions, csections, and how voicing an opinion can be taken as a judgement of others
So I recently found myself in a place of without truly meaning to, and without intent, judging a friend for making a choice. Because I'm human, and well...me, I have to exhaustively examine what happened. This seems an okay place to do so, as I'd kinda like some feedback (and hoping I don't get lambasted).
To those of you who know me, you know that I am uber-passionately committed to womens and pre/neo-natal health especially when it comes to truly informed consent as per birthing practices. To my continuing horror, the ob-gyn community very rarely tells patients the risks (detailed here for induction http://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/induction-of-labour-to-induce-or-not-induce#.UdwXRGXwEno and here for csections http://chriskresser.com/natural-childbirth-vii-c-section-risks-and-complications) before pressuring their patients into having one or the other. Midwives tend to be better, but in America they are also under a lot of pressure to conform, and make their patients conform to a 'medical standard'.
Like choosing in our day and age to smoke, even knowing how horrible of a choice it is, I just cannot, as an educated, thinking, passionate individual who has two beautiful post-term children, understand WHY an expectant mom would CHOOSE (with the adendum that if it's a true medical emergency then of course make that choice, I'm grateful that in medical emergencies the option and skill to save lives exists) to do these horrible things to her body, and even more importantly to her baby! It's been proven that HOW our children are born and what happens to them in utero does affect them later in life http://www.amazon.com/Origins-Months-Before-Birth-Shape/dp/074329663X (I also have empirical evidence in this, my son and daughter were born in completely different circumstances, and their whole beings reflect this) (the proof is enough for me at any rate, although the 'modern scientific/medical community' has it's head up it's arse in regards to newer evidence in regards to the subject....hell, the information in modern obstetrics books was written originally in the 50s, and it HAS NOT CHANGED A whole LOT, if at all.) (I used to work for a text book publisher, and I HAVE books on the subject because at one point I thought I might become a midwife). I continue to study about the subject, like I said earlier, it's a passion of mine.
So...theres some background....I believe that the majority of ob-gyns care more about their own schedule than about the rights of their patients to give birth naturally. As with most generalizations, of course there are exceptions to the rule, but with a growing percentage of women SCHEDULING their csections to fit into their busy lives, then I do feel it almost a duty to speak out against it. Even if it loses me friends in the process.
So as to how it may have lost me a friend....I made a comment without really thinking about it that she might want to tell her doc to have his head removed from his ass on the topic of induction. In hindsight, which is of course perfect, it was an ill considered comment for the time and place....I'm usually more circumspect in speaking or writing to pregnant friends. All I can say is that I thought a person like I thought she is would have understood the comment as a bad joke more than a judgement call on her choices. To be completely honest, I had no clue she was planning a possible induction as we aren't all that close. About a day later I shared some information meant to support mothers who have made or are making the extremely difficult choice to allow their bodies to complete a longer than the perceived normal gestation (IE letting their bodies complete or go past the 42 weeks considered 'normal' and 'adviseable' by the medical community). Granted, some of the information was poorly written, but it was meant to be supportive and encouraging to moms who are very badly pressured by the medical community to terminate their pregnancies at 41 weeks, whether their bodies and babies are ready or not. It was not meant to judge anyone. I did say that I thought a couple of my friends my be interested in reading it, but I was not thinking of this particular friend, in fact I was thinking of two moms I know who followed their instincts and bodies to have beautiful post-term babies. I was then told in a round about way that I was being judgemental and the same evening i was defriended. I understand that my openness in supporting womens right to NOT be induced may have upset someone, but in my heart of hearts, unless there is a medical emergency involved, then perhaps they need to be upset. The medical community in general loves to convince women, all women, that nature isn't the be all and end all, that nature doesn't know best, that medical science does. That womens bodies aren't designed to work right in regards to ob-gyn situations, that we should just stay on our knees and let the all mighty gods if medicine, science and our godlike obstetricians make all the choices for our bodies and our babies. I can't do that. There is too much evidence to support my feelings. I truly wish it were different, that every doctor cared as much about his patients body, mind, emotion and spirit as they did about the bottom line and about their golf schedule. Unfortunately most of them don't. This has been my experience, and it has been far too many other womens experience as well. (There are of course some women who DO need help in birth, I am one of them, however, that help does not need to be in the form of synthetic hormones or a scalpel, my midwife did just fine in aiding me using methods that didn't damage me or my babies. An OB would have had me strapped down and cut open before I could blink....am I biased? Perhaps, am I judgemental? Perhaps, but in the way of my looking at a smoker and asking 'WTH are you doing to yourself???')
The arrogance of the medical community in thinking that nature does not know best just blows me away. Women have been birthing babies for millions of years, with and without the help of midwives. The obstetrical practice of medicine has been around for maybe 150 years. I think mother nature wins in that race. How arrogant are we to think we know better than mother nature? There are of course some situations in which medical care IS necessary, and in those situations I am very thankful that it is available. However, fitting a birth in between events, or having a particular birthdate, or even because the waters are below a certain percentage on a particular date that the docs THINK is a correct date given POSSIBLE date of conception, or the mom is sick of being pregnant and is uncomfortable....NONE of those reasons are good enough in my mind. Not good enough to endanger mom, and not good enough to endanger baby. My opinions and my voice are mine, if my research, my knowledge, my sharing can help even one mom who wants badly to have a natural birth stand up and say NO, I won't be induced, I won't be forced into a mold of 'medical standard', I will give myself and my baby the best birth I can...well then, I am willing to sacrifice those who won't understand that these are only my opinions, based as much as I can base them on research and personal experience. That anything I say should be taken as anothers opinion, not as gospel. That I am NOT conciously choosing to judge another moms choice even when it goes against everything I believe in. I am human, on a human journey. Although I try NOT to judge others, there is that part of me that can't help but wonder why we knowingly choose self-destructive or worse, baby-destructive behaviors. I am sorry...the outcome is not the be all and end all, and yes, as moms, we ALL want a healthy baby. Fortunately, I truly and honestly believe that we as women are entitled to give birth in a way that in gentle, that does not leave us feeling violated, that respects all that we women are, a physical being, an emotional being, a strong and intelligent mind, and a spiritual being who is ushering into our world a whole new being. ALL of that needs to be respected, and until it is, I will continue to voice my opinion.
To those of you who know me, you know that I am uber-passionately committed to womens and pre/neo-natal health especially when it comes to truly informed consent as per birthing practices. To my continuing horror, the ob-gyn community very rarely tells patients the risks (detailed here for induction http://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/induction-of-labour-to-induce-or-not-induce#.UdwXRGXwEno and here for csections http://chriskresser.com/natural-childbirth-vii-c-section-risks-and-complications) before pressuring their patients into having one or the other. Midwives tend to be better, but in America they are also under a lot of pressure to conform, and make their patients conform to a 'medical standard'.
Like choosing in our day and age to smoke, even knowing how horrible of a choice it is, I just cannot, as an educated, thinking, passionate individual who has two beautiful post-term children, understand WHY an expectant mom would CHOOSE (with the adendum that if it's a true medical emergency then of course make that choice, I'm grateful that in medical emergencies the option and skill to save lives exists) to do these horrible things to her body, and even more importantly to her baby! It's been proven that HOW our children are born and what happens to them in utero does affect them later in life http://www.amazon.com/Origins-Months-Before-Birth-Shape/dp/074329663X (I also have empirical evidence in this, my son and daughter were born in completely different circumstances, and their whole beings reflect this) (the proof is enough for me at any rate, although the 'modern scientific/medical community' has it's head up it's arse in regards to newer evidence in regards to the subject....hell, the information in modern obstetrics books was written originally in the 50s, and it HAS NOT CHANGED A whole LOT, if at all.) (I used to work for a text book publisher, and I HAVE books on the subject because at one point I thought I might become a midwife). I continue to study about the subject, like I said earlier, it's a passion of mine.
So...theres some background....I believe that the majority of ob-gyns care more about their own schedule than about the rights of their patients to give birth naturally. As with most generalizations, of course there are exceptions to the rule, but with a growing percentage of women SCHEDULING their csections to fit into their busy lives, then I do feel it almost a duty to speak out against it. Even if it loses me friends in the process.
So as to how it may have lost me a friend....I made a comment without really thinking about it that she might want to tell her doc to have his head removed from his ass on the topic of induction. In hindsight, which is of course perfect, it was an ill considered comment for the time and place....I'm usually more circumspect in speaking or writing to pregnant friends. All I can say is that I thought a person like I thought she is would have understood the comment as a bad joke more than a judgement call on her choices. To be completely honest, I had no clue she was planning a possible induction as we aren't all that close. About a day later I shared some information meant to support mothers who have made or are making the extremely difficult choice to allow their bodies to complete a longer than the perceived normal gestation (IE letting their bodies complete or go past the 42 weeks considered 'normal' and 'adviseable' by the medical community). Granted, some of the information was poorly written, but it was meant to be supportive and encouraging to moms who are very badly pressured by the medical community to terminate their pregnancies at 41 weeks, whether their bodies and babies are ready or not. It was not meant to judge anyone. I did say that I thought a couple of my friends my be interested in reading it, but I was not thinking of this particular friend, in fact I was thinking of two moms I know who followed their instincts and bodies to have beautiful post-term babies. I was then told in a round about way that I was being judgemental and the same evening i was defriended. I understand that my openness in supporting womens right to NOT be induced may have upset someone, but in my heart of hearts, unless there is a medical emergency involved, then perhaps they need to be upset. The medical community in general loves to convince women, all women, that nature isn't the be all and end all, that nature doesn't know best, that medical science does. That womens bodies aren't designed to work right in regards to ob-gyn situations, that we should just stay on our knees and let the all mighty gods if medicine, science and our godlike obstetricians make all the choices for our bodies and our babies. I can't do that. There is too much evidence to support my feelings. I truly wish it were different, that every doctor cared as much about his patients body, mind, emotion and spirit as they did about the bottom line and about their golf schedule. Unfortunately most of them don't. This has been my experience, and it has been far too many other womens experience as well. (There are of course some women who DO need help in birth, I am one of them, however, that help does not need to be in the form of synthetic hormones or a scalpel, my midwife did just fine in aiding me using methods that didn't damage me or my babies. An OB would have had me strapped down and cut open before I could blink....am I biased? Perhaps, am I judgemental? Perhaps, but in the way of my looking at a smoker and asking 'WTH are you doing to yourself???')
The arrogance of the medical community in thinking that nature does not know best just blows me away. Women have been birthing babies for millions of years, with and without the help of midwives. The obstetrical practice of medicine has been around for maybe 150 years. I think mother nature wins in that race. How arrogant are we to think we know better than mother nature? There are of course some situations in which medical care IS necessary, and in those situations I am very thankful that it is available. However, fitting a birth in between events, or having a particular birthdate, or even because the waters are below a certain percentage on a particular date that the docs THINK is a correct date given POSSIBLE date of conception, or the mom is sick of being pregnant and is uncomfortable....NONE of those reasons are good enough in my mind. Not good enough to endanger mom, and not good enough to endanger baby. My opinions and my voice are mine, if my research, my knowledge, my sharing can help even one mom who wants badly to have a natural birth stand up and say NO, I won't be induced, I won't be forced into a mold of 'medical standard', I will give myself and my baby the best birth I can...well then, I am willing to sacrifice those who won't understand that these are only my opinions, based as much as I can base them on research and personal experience. That anything I say should be taken as anothers opinion, not as gospel. That I am NOT conciously choosing to judge another moms choice even when it goes against everything I believe in. I am human, on a human journey. Although I try NOT to judge others, there is that part of me that can't help but wonder why we knowingly choose self-destructive or worse, baby-destructive behaviors. I am sorry...the outcome is not the be all and end all, and yes, as moms, we ALL want a healthy baby. Fortunately, I truly and honestly believe that we as women are entitled to give birth in a way that in gentle, that does not leave us feeling violated, that respects all that we women are, a physical being, an emotional being, a strong and intelligent mind, and a spiritual being who is ushering into our world a whole new being. ALL of that needs to be respected, and until it is, I will continue to voice my opinion.