grace

[fweever]

At choir tonite, someone said a prayer and talked about grace. My mind started wandering (I'm a horrible listener sometimes) to where I've had grace in my life. I really couldn't put my finger on it because it's such a vague word for me, aside from being thankful for food each day.

But a recent non-event came into mind that might have been grace. Or me being smart. One or the other. Several years ago a situation came up and I made a wrong choice. Gave into temptation, let's say. I'm sorry it happened, but when I really, really think about why I'm sorry, it's not because I'm sorry I did it. I'm sorry it's considered wrong and I'm sorry it caused someone i love to be hurt. I'm an honest jerk.

So recently the same situation came up and I didn't do the wrong thing. And...nothing. Me not doing wrong didn't cause anything good to happen. Instead, nothing bad happened. No one was hurt. But there was no wonderful, exciting, joyful thing either. Just a lack of unwanted consequences. The next morning I woke up and thought, "so glad I'm not waking up feeling guilty." Was the moment when I jumped off the other side of the choice grace? Or did I just learn my lesson from before?

Why is doing the right thing so boring? There's no story. No thrill. Nothing except life continuing quietly, peacefully...gracefully?