$15 for the privilege? What a steal!
Dear Chase,
In the course of my tenure as your customer, you have fucked me in several positions which I did not find comfortable or enjoyable. Currently, my asshole feels as fresh as a spring day after this most recent anal douching.
I knew I could never put a monetary value on how much I enjoyed being your customer, so thank you for doing so for me. The $15/month fee to have my business account with you, plus the combined $27/month to have my personal accounts with you, brings the total cost of said enjoyment to $42. Surely, I would have paid twice, no - thrice! - as much had you placed the value higher. After all, what is one to do when $42 magically disappears from one's accounts? I, of course, celebrated your financial windfall by finding a new bank. Also, by telling the rep who closed my Chase accounts, "Yes, there is something you can do to keep me as a customer. Buy your soul back from the devil, and get a job at the PNC up the street."
All my Best,
Nina
In the course of my tenure as your customer, you have fucked me in several positions which I did not find comfortable or enjoyable. Currently, my asshole feels as fresh as a spring day after this most recent anal douching.
I knew I could never put a monetary value on how much I enjoyed being your customer, so thank you for doing so for me. The $15/month fee to have my business account with you, plus the combined $27/month to have my personal accounts with you, brings the total cost of said enjoyment to $42. Surely, I would have paid twice, no - thrice! - as much had you placed the value higher. After all, what is one to do when $42 magically disappears from one's accounts? I, of course, celebrated your financial windfall by finding a new bank. Also, by telling the rep who closed my Chase accounts, "Yes, there is something you can do to keep me as a customer. Buy your soul back from the devil, and get a job at the PNC up the street."
All my Best,
Nina