therapeutic conversation
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:47:23 PM): ::huge hug:: thanks for the sweet birthday message!
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:47:36 PM): oh you are quite welcome
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:47:51 PM): how are you?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:48:01 PM): i am well, and yourself/
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:48:02 PM): ?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:48:40 PM): pretty well . . feeling lonely and starved for touch and connection these days . . but otherwise well. focusing a lot on getting healthier
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:48:50 PM): i feel your pain
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:49:14 PM): what's happening in your life?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:49:24 PM): um, lemme think
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:49:38 PM): nothing really new, just enjoying summer, brushing up on spirituality
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:49:45 PM): right on
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:49:48 PM): getting more and more into my celtic roots
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:49:58 PM): me too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:50:04 PM): yah?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:50:18 PM): thats so beautiful!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:50:23 PM): ive been working a lot with Cernunos and Brighid . . and am getting excited for Lughnassadh
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:50:28 PM): me too!
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:50:39 PM): im actually going to celebrate with a group this year
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:51:01 PM): working with Cernunos has been helping me a lot to get in touch with my sexuality, my power, and my masculinity
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:51:12 PM): really? thats so beautiful
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:51:15 PM): i am hoping to celebrate with at least a small group
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:51:21 PM): im having some difficulty though
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:51:28 PM): regarding dieties
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:51:34 PM): yes?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:51:44 PM): well
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:51:56 PM): just the idea of them sometimes is befuddling
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:52:02 PM): their existence
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:52:13 PM): i see them as metaphors for aspects of the self and aspects od the universe that we can't understand completely in their raw form, as masks on reality, as more energies than entities
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:52:40 PM): thats what i am talking about
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:52:50 PM): i have a hard time envisioning them as real entities
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:53:03 PM): i tend to view that more as a human creation
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:53:28 PM): but their energies are still there
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:53:53 PM): absolutely, we project humanoid form onto them because that is what we can understand
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:54:01 PM): yes
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:54:28 PM): the politics and spirituality of food have been big for me lately . . i recently eliminated wheat and dairy from my diet
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:54:36 PM): so i have a hard time dedicating myself to specific god/dess
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:54:48 PM): reallly?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:55:02 PM): for me Brighid has been key because she works with poetry and healing
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:55:10 PM): yes and i am feeling so much better
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:55:32 PM): thats wonderful
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:55:58 PM): i also think it's difficult for me because i am solitary, and i dont really have anyone to help understand these feelings of ambiguity and frustration
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:56:18 PM): its so funny because i know that this is my chosen path, yet i find myself tangled in so many questions and ponderings of it
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:56:38 PM): yes! used to have a small group of witches i would practice with but then i moved . . and i am very picky about who i will do magick with
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:56:51 PM): me too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:57:00 PM): i tend to see a lot of "fluff" pagans out there
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:57:20 PM): yes! and i feel like energies are to be respected and treated with great care
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:57:42 PM): completely random, but want to hear something i just did with some friends?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:57:46 PM): of course!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:58:10 PM): hold on i have to find the right track
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:58:13 PM): k
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:02:29 PM): i'm also living with the strangeness of inhabiting an apartment filled with the possessions of a lover who moved away
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:02:49 PM): thats gotta be tough
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:03:52 PM): it can be, haunts me in strange ways . . we talk a lot but our lives are going in different directions. and here its hard to find anyone under 50 to connect with. but i have a wonderful dog to keep me company
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:05:08 PM): so explain this track to me
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:05:38 PM): its me reading poetry while friends play John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" in an old barn with everyone on acid
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:05:56 PM): oh wow
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:06:01 PM): how beautiful
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:06:18 PM): the kind of night i know you would enjoy immensely
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:06:26 PM): yes!!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:06:43 PM): someday we have to get you up to Maine for one of our acid tests
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:06:44 PM): i feel so alone
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:06:47 PM): haha
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:06:48 PM): yes!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:06:51 PM): me too!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:07:12 PM): i am so happy and grateful to find and be found by you again though
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:07:19 PM): me too
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:07:35 PM): you;ve always been a great one for taking the edge off the loneliness
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:07:50 PM): its nice to know that i can connect with someone not in my direct space
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:08:17 PM): very much so . . though i must admit sharing the same space would be even nicer
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:08:22 PM):
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:09:33 PM): thats amazing poetry
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:10:04 PM): thank you came out of an amazing summer, traveling to Bolivia and New Mexico two years ago
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:10:54 PM): wow, i bet that was an amazing trip
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:11:51 PM): completely mindblowing. being south of the equator is SO different . . the stars are completely different and the water and all the sacred rituals move widdershins
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:12:08 PM): i am envious
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:12:20 PM): but i have really been feeling the calling to go to the UK
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:12:51 PM): i very much want to get there and to Ireland . . i have been reading amazing things about crop circles and psychedellics
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:12:57 PM): well mainly ireland and scotland
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:13:15 PM):
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:13:45 PM): i just need to get out of the states haha
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:13:55 PM): i need to go on my walkabout, y'know?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:13:57 PM): yeah, i hear that!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:14:19 PM): this country is a swiftly sinking ship
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:14:38 PM): unfortunately yes
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:15:38 PM): but yah, ive just been thinking about a lot of things
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:15:55 PM): what has been on your mind
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:16:08 PM): soooo much
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:16:16 PM): a lot about religion/spirituality
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:16:55 PM): the point of it all
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:17:04 PM): symbology a lot too
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:17:56 PM): right on -- if you havent yet check out 2012: The Return of Quetzcoatl by Daniel Pinchbeck
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:18:11 PM): sounds interesting, whats it about?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:18:45 PM): psychedellics, the Mayan calendar, philosophy, ghosts, crop circles, aliens, etc.
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:18:54 PM): ooooooh
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:18:58 PM): sounds like my kinda stuff
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:19:26 PM): its amazing
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:23:48 PM): -sigh-
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:24:12 PM): yes?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:24:21 PM): i think i know what my problem is
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:24:46 PM): ive become such a skeptic
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:24:58 PM): i was just losing myself in a daydream i doubt will come true anytime soon . .what has made you skeptical?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:25:38 PM): its odd, because when i was a child i was very much into fantasy, the unknown, i would play by myself a lot, but i would feel a deep connection with the world etc.
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:25:51 PM): i was too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:26:04 PM): i dont really know how i have beome so jaded, but i think i have come to the point where i need proof of something now
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:26:21 PM): since i tend to just believe in things in theory, without always practicing my beliefs
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:26:50 PM): i got to the point where i didn't do rituals becuase i didnt feel that they were necessary to know that for myself i was pagan
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:27:19 PM): and since i didnt really have anyone to celebrate the sabbats with, i stopped doing that
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:27:21 PM): i think the proof can only be found internally
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:27:37 PM): and the boyfriend i had at the time wasnt very encouraging to my spiritual beliefs
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:27:49 PM): and i started to pick up his skeptical view of life
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:27:52 PM):
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:28:00 PM): but thats all leaving me now
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:28:10 PM): good!
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:28:28 PM): my boyfriend now is a Taoist, and while i think thats so beautiful, i still yearn for the connection of another Pagan i can actually practice with
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:28:40 PM): i feel so uninspired to do it alone anymore
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:30:42 PM): i feel as though while i will have close people in my life and that i can connect and share things, i will go through this journey alone
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:31:28 PM): its frustrating because i constantly yearn for connection, but its as though even though i yearn for it, i feel it will never happen
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:31:47 PM): absolutely!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:32:11 PM): which makes me willing to accept connections that don't satisfy all of me
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:32:21 PM): me too absolutely
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:32:32 PM): as long as they fulfill some important parts, i am willing to do it
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:32:41 PM): exactly
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:32:41 PM): although it means foregoing other very important parts as well
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:32:58 PM): yes, and sometimes giving up parts of me to make myself fit
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:33:08 PM): dont i know that so very well
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:33:11 PM): which i swore i would never do
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:33:29 PM): i know that i wont do that anymore when it comes to relationships
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:33:34 PM): that destroyed me
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:33:50 PM): it came close for me
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:33:55 PM): i would rather go it alone than to deny it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:34:30 PM): have you read "The Golden Bough"?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:34:40 PM): i haven't yet though i have meant to
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:34:43 PM): me too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:34:47 PM): its sitting right in front of me
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:34:51 PM): i need to read it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:35:04 PM): i think it will help me get a grasp of my spiritual journey
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:35:17 PM): see i dont know why i keep denying myself the idea of spirituality
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:35:20 PM): i need to read THe Faery Faith in Celtic Lands which has bene on my she;f for ever
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:35:33 PM): another great one is Gaia Eros by Jesse Wolf Hardin
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:35:38 PM): is that by Lewis Spence?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:36:02 PM): its like i know its there, but there is a part of me that wants to deny it all and just keep on living in the materialistic world
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:36:17 PM): i have this part of me that keeps saying to myself that its a hoax
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:36:25 PM): W.Y. Evans-Wentz who did the first translation of the tibetan book of the dead
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:36:41 PM): that we as humans are capable of tricking ourselves to believing in the spiritual realm
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:37:09 PM): i dont know why i cant tell that part of me to shut the fuck up
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:37:11 PM): haha
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:37:24 PM): lol
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:37:36 PM): direct experience will silence it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:37:40 PM): yes
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:38:14 PM): and thats why i am excited to celebrate Lughnasadh with a group of pagans in my community
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:40:40 PM): you know what i want to try?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:40:46 PM): have you ever heard of Watsu?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:40:57 PM): what is it?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:41:15 PM): http://www.waba.edu/watsu/
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:41:25 PM): someone was telling me about her experience with it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:41:57 PM): she said it was like being on ecstacy without actually being on it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:43:38 PM): it just sounds amazing
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:44:24 PM): sounds incredible . . . when i get in slightly better shap i want to try capoiera
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:44:31 PM): yah?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:46:57 PM): the dance of energy it involves fascinates me
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:47:57 PM): i forget sometimes about the intense connection and energy that can be shared between people
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:48:10 PM): absolutely, i miss that
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:48:25 PM): but at the same time, i realize it, but am looking for a connection that is not human, but a connection with the universe
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:48:54 PM): yes, though human connection at its mostn intnese can be a gateway to that
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:49:17 PM): yes!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:49:48 PM): i always feel hints of that when we talk
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:49:55 PM): me too
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:50:22 PM): someday when we end up in the same place at the same time there may be spontaneous combustion
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:50:31 PM): i think so
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:52:05 PM): what kind of dreams do you have?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:53:36 PM): lately intense ones often including teachings . . and you?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:54:18 PM): and more than my share of erotic ones
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:54:21 PM): my dreams are always chaotic
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:54:39 PM): and i always seem to be in uncomfortable situations
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:54:58 PM): what kinds of situations?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:55:47 PM): its hard to say
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:56:14 PM): last night or the night before, there was something about trains and just stuff going wrong
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:00:00 PM): i think about my dreams a lot
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:00:11 PM): me too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:01:06 PM): i just think about dreaming in general a lot too, and how its our doorway to so many things
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:01:36 PM): completely, we access parts of our brains not usually used
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:01:42 PM): i think dreaming is what helps me understand and realize that there is so much in this world than just the material world
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:03:56 PM): maybe i lack a strong will, but i find it so hard find my spiritual path in a society that doesnt openly condone it
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:04:18 PM): more that not condoning it society militates against it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:04:38 PM): i just dont understand it
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:05:05 PM): it threatens the power structure
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:05:15 PM): i know, and it makes me horribly sad
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:05:22 PM): im constantly depressed
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:05:39 PM): i am too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:05:49 PM): i cry a lot
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:05:57 PM): and sometimes i dont even know why
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:06:31 PM): i find myself feeling really upset and i know that i am going to cry and there is nothing i can do to stop it, so i have like a 5 minute cry and then i feel a little better afterwards, but it happens all the time
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:07:03 PM): i sometimes feel pain from other beings flooding me and making me cry uncontrolla bly
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:07:25 PM): i feel pain of the Earth a lot too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:07:31 PM): cuz i see how we just rape it all the time
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:07:36 PM): absolutely
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:08:05 PM): and it hurts because no matter how much i hate it, i am part of that system too
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:08:17 PM): yes!
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:08:33 PM): so i feel hypocritical
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:09:22 PM): but at the same time, to appease that feeling, i tell the universe that while i am part of this system, its not necessarily voluntary, and i hope the universe understands that i am not a bad person, but trapped in a confused world
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:09:33 PM): it is impossible not to be while remaining part of the culture. . . and impossible to chage the culture while not being part of it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:09:51 PM): its a catch-22 it seems
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:09:57 PM): you have to work from the inside thought
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:10:00 PM): *though
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:10:24 PM): a lot of the time i feel like i am not living up the my potential of being a good person or a useful person
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:10:35 PM): me too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:11:12 PM): because environmentalism is so important to me, i feel that while i do all i can to have a small ecological footprint, i feel like it goes on unseen because i am not behind any huge cause
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:12:16 PM): and then i feel completely selfish for wanting to better myself as a person and put things like being part of a huge cause or organization on the backburner
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:12:38 PM): the work you need to do will find you
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:12:55 PM): thank you
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:13:12 PM): sometimes i really need the reassurance that i am doing things alright
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:13:15 PM): you just need to put the intention out to the universe
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:14:53 PM): for instance, i want to be a marriage/family therapist but at the same time i feel like i should be behind a better cause than helping people secure their relationships. i feel like i should do more for the environment, than the people who inhabit it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:15:16 PM): i dunno, i think about things like this a lot and i get sooo overwhelmed that i just want to dig myself a hole and bury myself in it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:16:02 PM): sometimes i forget the amazing healing power of hugs
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:16:17 PM): its really interesting how something so small can have such a therapeutic effect
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:16:22 PM): me too, especially because i receive far two few
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:47:36 PM): oh you are quite welcome
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:47:51 PM): how are you?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:48:01 PM): i am well, and yourself/
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:48:02 PM): ?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:48:40 PM): pretty well . . feeling lonely and starved for touch and connection these days . . but otherwise well. focusing a lot on getting healthier
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:48:50 PM): i feel your pain
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:49:14 PM): what's happening in your life?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:49:24 PM): um, lemme think
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:49:38 PM): nothing really new, just enjoying summer, brushing up on spirituality
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:49:45 PM): right on
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:49:48 PM): getting more and more into my celtic roots
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:49:58 PM): me too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:50:04 PM): yah?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:50:18 PM): thats so beautiful!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:50:23 PM): ive been working a lot with Cernunos and Brighid . . and am getting excited for Lughnassadh
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:50:28 PM): me too!
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:50:39 PM): im actually going to celebrate with a group this year
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:51:01 PM): working with Cernunos has been helping me a lot to get in touch with my sexuality, my power, and my masculinity
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:51:12 PM): really? thats so beautiful
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:51:15 PM): i am hoping to celebrate with at least a small group
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:51:21 PM): im having some difficulty though
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:51:28 PM): regarding dieties
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:51:34 PM): yes?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:51:44 PM): well
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:51:56 PM): just the idea of them sometimes is befuddling
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:52:02 PM): their existence
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:52:13 PM): i see them as metaphors for aspects of the self and aspects od the universe that we can't understand completely in their raw form, as masks on reality, as more energies than entities
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:52:40 PM): thats what i am talking about
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:52:50 PM): i have a hard time envisioning them as real entities
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:53:03 PM): i tend to view that more as a human creation
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:53:28 PM): but their energies are still there
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:53:53 PM): absolutely, we project humanoid form onto them because that is what we can understand
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:54:01 PM): yes
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:54:28 PM): the politics and spirituality of food have been big for me lately . . i recently eliminated wheat and dairy from my diet
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:54:36 PM): so i have a hard time dedicating myself to specific god/dess
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:54:48 PM): reallly?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:55:02 PM): for me Brighid has been key because she works with poetry and healing
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:55:10 PM): yes and i am feeling so much better
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:55:32 PM): thats wonderful
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:55:58 PM): i also think it's difficult for me because i am solitary, and i dont really have anyone to help understand these feelings of ambiguity and frustration
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:56:18 PM): its so funny because i know that this is my chosen path, yet i find myself tangled in so many questions and ponderings of it
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:56:38 PM): yes! used to have a small group of witches i would practice with but then i moved . . and i am very picky about who i will do magick with
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:56:51 PM): me too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:57:00 PM): i tend to see a lot of "fluff" pagans out there
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:57:20 PM): yes! and i feel like energies are to be respected and treated with great care
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:57:42 PM): completely random, but want to hear something i just did with some friends?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:57:46 PM): of course!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 2:58:10 PM): hold on i have to find the right track
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 2:58:13 PM): k
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:02:29 PM): i'm also living with the strangeness of inhabiting an apartment filled with the possessions of a lover who moved away
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:02:49 PM): thats gotta be tough
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:03:52 PM): it can be, haunts me in strange ways . . we talk a lot but our lives are going in different directions. and here its hard to find anyone under 50 to connect with. but i have a wonderful dog to keep me company
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:05:08 PM): so explain this track to me
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:05:38 PM): its me reading poetry while friends play John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" in an old barn with everyone on acid
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:05:56 PM): oh wow
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:06:01 PM): how beautiful
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:06:18 PM): the kind of night i know you would enjoy immensely
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:06:26 PM): yes!!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:06:43 PM): someday we have to get you up to Maine for one of our acid tests
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:06:44 PM): i feel so alone
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:06:47 PM): haha
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:06:48 PM): yes!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:06:51 PM): me too!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:07:12 PM): i am so happy and grateful to find and be found by you again though
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:07:19 PM): me too
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:07:35 PM): you;ve always been a great one for taking the edge off the loneliness
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:07:50 PM): its nice to know that i can connect with someone not in my direct space
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:08:17 PM): very much so . . though i must admit sharing the same space would be even nicer
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:08:22 PM):
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:09:33 PM): thats amazing poetry
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:10:04 PM): thank you came out of an amazing summer, traveling to Bolivia and New Mexico two years ago
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:10:54 PM): wow, i bet that was an amazing trip
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:11:51 PM): completely mindblowing. being south of the equator is SO different . . the stars are completely different and the water and all the sacred rituals move widdershins
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:12:08 PM): i am envious
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:12:20 PM): but i have really been feeling the calling to go to the UK
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:12:51 PM): i very much want to get there and to Ireland . . i have been reading amazing things about crop circles and psychedellics
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:12:57 PM): well mainly ireland and scotland
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:13:15 PM):
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:13:45 PM): i just need to get out of the states haha
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:13:55 PM): i need to go on my walkabout, y'know?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:13:57 PM): yeah, i hear that!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:14:19 PM): this country is a swiftly sinking ship
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:14:38 PM): unfortunately yes
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:15:38 PM): but yah, ive just been thinking about a lot of things
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:15:55 PM): what has been on your mind
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:16:08 PM): soooo much
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:16:16 PM): a lot about religion/spirituality
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:16:55 PM): the point of it all
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:17:04 PM): symbology a lot too
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:17:56 PM): right on -- if you havent yet check out 2012: The Return of Quetzcoatl by Daniel Pinchbeck
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:18:11 PM): sounds interesting, whats it about?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:18:45 PM): psychedellics, the Mayan calendar, philosophy, ghosts, crop circles, aliens, etc.
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:18:54 PM): ooooooh
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:18:58 PM): sounds like my kinda stuff
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:19:26 PM): its amazing
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:23:48 PM): -sigh-
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:24:12 PM): yes?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:24:21 PM): i think i know what my problem is
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:24:46 PM): ive become such a skeptic
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:24:58 PM): i was just losing myself in a daydream i doubt will come true anytime soon . .what has made you skeptical?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:25:38 PM): its odd, because when i was a child i was very much into fantasy, the unknown, i would play by myself a lot, but i would feel a deep connection with the world etc.
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:25:51 PM): i was too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:26:04 PM): i dont really know how i have beome so jaded, but i think i have come to the point where i need proof of something now
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:26:21 PM): since i tend to just believe in things in theory, without always practicing my beliefs
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:26:50 PM): i got to the point where i didn't do rituals becuase i didnt feel that they were necessary to know that for myself i was pagan
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:27:19 PM): and since i didnt really have anyone to celebrate the sabbats with, i stopped doing that
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:27:21 PM): i think the proof can only be found internally
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:27:37 PM): and the boyfriend i had at the time wasnt very encouraging to my spiritual beliefs
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:27:49 PM): and i started to pick up his skeptical view of life
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:27:52 PM):
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:28:00 PM): but thats all leaving me now
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:28:10 PM): good!
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:28:28 PM): my boyfriend now is a Taoist, and while i think thats so beautiful, i still yearn for the connection of another Pagan i can actually practice with
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:28:40 PM): i feel so uninspired to do it alone anymore
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:30:42 PM): i feel as though while i will have close people in my life and that i can connect and share things, i will go through this journey alone
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:31:28 PM): its frustrating because i constantly yearn for connection, but its as though even though i yearn for it, i feel it will never happen
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:31:47 PM): absolutely!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:32:11 PM): which makes me willing to accept connections that don't satisfy all of me
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:32:21 PM): me too absolutely
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:32:32 PM): as long as they fulfill some important parts, i am willing to do it
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:32:41 PM): exactly
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:32:41 PM): although it means foregoing other very important parts as well
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:32:58 PM): yes, and sometimes giving up parts of me to make myself fit
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:33:08 PM): dont i know that so very well
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:33:11 PM): which i swore i would never do
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:33:29 PM): i know that i wont do that anymore when it comes to relationships
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:33:34 PM): that destroyed me
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:33:50 PM): it came close for me
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:33:55 PM): i would rather go it alone than to deny it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:34:30 PM): have you read "The Golden Bough"?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:34:40 PM): i haven't yet though i have meant to
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:34:43 PM): me too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:34:47 PM): its sitting right in front of me
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:34:51 PM): i need to read it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:35:04 PM): i think it will help me get a grasp of my spiritual journey
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:35:17 PM): see i dont know why i keep denying myself the idea of spirituality
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:35:20 PM): i need to read THe Faery Faith in Celtic Lands which has bene on my she;f for ever
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:35:33 PM): another great one is Gaia Eros by Jesse Wolf Hardin
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:35:38 PM): is that by Lewis Spence?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:36:02 PM): its like i know its there, but there is a part of me that wants to deny it all and just keep on living in the materialistic world
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:36:17 PM): i have this part of me that keeps saying to myself that its a hoax
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:36:25 PM): W.Y. Evans-Wentz who did the first translation of the tibetan book of the dead
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:36:41 PM): that we as humans are capable of tricking ourselves to believing in the spiritual realm
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:37:09 PM): i dont know why i cant tell that part of me to shut the fuck up
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:37:11 PM): haha
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:37:24 PM): lol
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:37:36 PM): direct experience will silence it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:37:40 PM): yes
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:38:14 PM): and thats why i am excited to celebrate Lughnasadh with a group of pagans in my community
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:40:40 PM): you know what i want to try?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:40:46 PM): have you ever heard of Watsu?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:40:57 PM): what is it?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:41:15 PM): http://www.waba.edu/watsu/
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:41:25 PM): someone was telling me about her experience with it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:41:57 PM): she said it was like being on ecstacy without actually being on it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:43:38 PM): it just sounds amazing
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:44:24 PM): sounds incredible . . . when i get in slightly better shap i want to try capoiera
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:44:31 PM): yah?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:46:57 PM): the dance of energy it involves fascinates me
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:47:57 PM): i forget sometimes about the intense connection and energy that can be shared between people
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:48:10 PM): absolutely, i miss that
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:48:25 PM): but at the same time, i realize it, but am looking for a connection that is not human, but a connection with the universe
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:48:54 PM): yes, though human connection at its mostn intnese can be a gateway to that
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:49:17 PM): yes!
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:49:48 PM): i always feel hints of that when we talk
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:49:55 PM): me too
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:50:22 PM): someday when we end up in the same place at the same time there may be spontaneous combustion
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:50:31 PM): i think so
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:52:05 PM): what kind of dreams do you have?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:53:36 PM): lately intense ones often including teachings . . and you?
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:54:18 PM): and more than my share of erotic ones
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:54:21 PM): my dreams are always chaotic
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:54:39 PM): and i always seem to be in uncomfortable situations
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 3:54:58 PM): what kinds of situations?
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:55:47 PM): its hard to say
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 3:56:14 PM): last night or the night before, there was something about trains and just stuff going wrong
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:00:00 PM): i think about my dreams a lot
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:00:11 PM): me too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:01:06 PM): i just think about dreaming in general a lot too, and how its our doorway to so many things
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:01:36 PM): completely, we access parts of our brains not usually used
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:01:42 PM): i think dreaming is what helps me understand and realize that there is so much in this world than just the material world
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:03:56 PM): maybe i lack a strong will, but i find it so hard find my spiritual path in a society that doesnt openly condone it
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:04:18 PM): more that not condoning it society militates against it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:04:38 PM): i just dont understand it
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:05:05 PM): it threatens the power structure
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:05:15 PM): i know, and it makes me horribly sad
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:05:22 PM): im constantly depressed
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:05:39 PM): i am too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:05:49 PM): i cry a lot
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:05:57 PM): and sometimes i dont even know why
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:06:31 PM): i find myself feeling really upset and i know that i am going to cry and there is nothing i can do to stop it, so i have like a 5 minute cry and then i feel a little better afterwards, but it happens all the time
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:07:03 PM): i sometimes feel pain from other beings flooding me and making me cry uncontrolla bly
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:07:25 PM): i feel pain of the Earth a lot too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:07:31 PM): cuz i see how we just rape it all the time
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:07:36 PM): absolutely
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:08:05 PM): and it hurts because no matter how much i hate it, i am part of that system too
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:08:17 PM): yes!
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:08:33 PM): so i feel hypocritical
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:09:22 PM): but at the same time, to appease that feeling, i tell the universe that while i am part of this system, its not necessarily voluntary, and i hope the universe understands that i am not a bad person, but trapped in a confused world
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:09:33 PM): it is impossible not to be while remaining part of the culture. . . and impossible to chage the culture while not being part of it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:09:51 PM): its a catch-22 it seems
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:09:57 PM): you have to work from the inside thought
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:10:00 PM): *though
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:10:24 PM): a lot of the time i feel like i am not living up the my potential of being a good person or a useful person
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:10:35 PM): me too
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:11:12 PM): because environmentalism is so important to me, i feel that while i do all i can to have a small ecological footprint, i feel like it goes on unseen because i am not behind any huge cause
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:12:16 PM): and then i feel completely selfish for wanting to better myself as a person and put things like being part of a huge cause or organization on the backburner
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:12:38 PM): the work you need to do will find you
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:12:55 PM): thank you
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:13:12 PM): sometimes i really need the reassurance that i am doing things alright
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:13:15 PM): you just need to put the intention out to the universe
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:14:53 PM): for instance, i want to be a marriage/family therapist but at the same time i feel like i should be behind a better cause than helping people secure their relationships. i feel like i should do more for the environment, than the people who inhabit it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:15:16 PM): i dunno, i think about things like this a lot and i get sooo overwhelmed that i just want to dig myself a hole and bury myself in it
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:16:02 PM): sometimes i forget the amazing healing power of hugs
nakeddreadz (7/24/2006 4:16:17 PM): its really interesting how something so small can have such a therapeutic effect
wrldhealer (7/24/2006 4:16:22 PM): me too, especially because i receive far two few