(no subject)
I have been thinking lately how we know when we feel down and depressed. Our bodies physically and emotionally tell us. I woke up today feeling like shit and I was thinking, how do I know that I feel like shit? What is different about my mood and my body that tells me I don't feel normal? I've been crying a lot lately and it's really frustrating because I can't control it. I feel it coming and I know that I am going to cry and I just have to let it out, there is no way to stop myself from crying. It's a very short cry, usually lasting 5 minutes or so. When I am done, I usually feel better, but I still feel shitty and tired for the rest of the day.
Last night I got a call from my mom asking me to come back over the hill so I could hang out with her while my dad was at work. She was taken to the emergency room earlier that day due to severe dehydration. She didn't want to be alone while my dad was gone, so that's why she called me to come back home. So I did. Oh my god, it was so incredibly hot in San Jose. It was a friggin inferno! I could barely stand it. I had only been home in Santa Cruz for a few hours before I got the call to come back to San Jose. So when my dad got home from work I decided to go to Keith's and fall asleep in his bed because he was gone at dodgeball and Keith's king size bed is so much nicer to sleep in than the shitty futon at my parent's house. So Keith didn't have his fan in his bedroom but the temperature was more tolerable than at my parent's house. So i got naked and laid down to read my Druidess book. I read about 15 pages and then fell asleep. I woke up a little after 5am and found Keith sitting out in the living room watching Me, Myself and Irene. We watched it for a bit longer then I noticed it was getting light outside so we turned it off and went back upstairs.
I was fully awake and feeling really depressed. For some reason, although Keith just said he was tired, he looked really sad. He usually comes home from dodgeball around 3-4am anyways, so it's understandable that he's tired. But he fell asleep fast and I was lying there cuddling with him, just thinking about lots and lots of stuff and I couldn't stop the urge of crying from happening. I didn't want to bother him and since I was awake, I just decided to go back to Santa Cruz early. I really felt like digging myself a giant hole and burying myself in it.
I wonder if Keith loves me like I love him.....I want to ask him
I've been thinking about our relationship a lot. I keep analyzing it and how well we mesh. I love him so much, but I feel that when I say "I love you" he doesn't respond the way I think he should. Not like I am forcing him to respond in a specific way, but maybe I should just stop saying it all together. I think about whether or not we should even say "I love you" to each other, we've only been together a little over 6 months. But I feel really strongly about him, even though we have a lot of differences.
Anywho, I feel like playing my bodhran so I'm gonna go practice....
Last night I got a call from my mom asking me to come back over the hill so I could hang out with her while my dad was at work. She was taken to the emergency room earlier that day due to severe dehydration. She didn't want to be alone while my dad was gone, so that's why she called me to come back home. So I did. Oh my god, it was so incredibly hot in San Jose. It was a friggin inferno! I could barely stand it. I had only been home in Santa Cruz for a few hours before I got the call to come back to San Jose. So when my dad got home from work I decided to go to Keith's and fall asleep in his bed because he was gone at dodgeball and Keith's king size bed is so much nicer to sleep in than the shitty futon at my parent's house. So Keith didn't have his fan in his bedroom but the temperature was more tolerable than at my parent's house. So i got naked and laid down to read my Druidess book. I read about 15 pages and then fell asleep. I woke up a little after 5am and found Keith sitting out in the living room watching Me, Myself and Irene. We watched it for a bit longer then I noticed it was getting light outside so we turned it off and went back upstairs.
I was fully awake and feeling really depressed. For some reason, although Keith just said he was tired, he looked really sad. He usually comes home from dodgeball around 3-4am anyways, so it's understandable that he's tired. But he fell asleep fast and I was lying there cuddling with him, just thinking about lots and lots of stuff and I couldn't stop the urge of crying from happening. I didn't want to bother him and since I was awake, I just decided to go back to Santa Cruz early. I really felt like digging myself a giant hole and burying myself in it.
I wonder if Keith loves me like I love him.....I want to ask him
I've been thinking about our relationship a lot. I keep analyzing it and how well we mesh. I love him so much, but I feel that when I say "I love you" he doesn't respond the way I think he should. Not like I am forcing him to respond in a specific way, but maybe I should just stop saying it all together. I think about whether or not we should even say "I love you" to each other, we've only been together a little over 6 months. But I feel really strongly about him, even though we have a lot of differences.
Anywho, I feel like playing my bodhran so I'm gonna go practice....