...
Yes, '...', because that's how I feel right now. I am seriously bummed out about this weekend/week ahead and how I have not gotten anything done. I have a number of things to do, and I can't seem to find the energy to do them. Plus, it's dragging my mood down that I'm now 99.9% certain that I will not be able to play the saxophone next year, even for lessons only, and probably (more that 70% sure) will not be able to play with the concert band next semestr, which sucks. I like music, and whereas I fully admit that I am neither the most skilled player nor the most dedicated, I don't want to lose the ability to play music either. I enjoy playing with a concert band, and band has made me some of the best friends of my life. It's a piece of me that I am frightened of losing and never being able to regain. I know that if I put down the instrument now, due to not having time to balance the obligations of my major and the practice hours for band, I will lose this valuable and cherished ability. It's really upsetting, and I guess it's just something I will have to work out for myself, since my parents can't understand, having never been in music groups, and my sister is the goddess of time management and balancing all her work. For God's sake she has a job that works her at least 30 hours a week, plus she's getting out early from college by taking a heavier course load, and she has time for chamber singers. I wish I could do that, but well, to each his/her own, and I am unfortunately, not that way.
Which is odd, considering I am hyper organized about my room and my belongings, I just can't seem to schedule times to do work. Maybe it's my stubborn 'I won't do it unless I want to or it's the last minute before it's due' attitude. Ha. Poor work ethic, and yet I am seen as responsible, mature, and self-supported, by my friends and family. Ironic, much? Take this weekend, for example. While I did manage to input the data for my chem report and only have 1 or 2 calculations left, I haven't done the lecture problems due tomorrow...lab report is due Thursday, this method of prioritizing made no sense. Again failing at prioritizing and finishing important work, I still have yet to begun my speech for CM101, though it is due WEdnesday and needs research and an outline. Neither have I studied for the Spanish test, or started the journal in there, or done reading for CM101, or gone to check out my biology fly lab, which honestly I told myself three times in my planner to have it done by this past Friday. Problems, much? Yes, I believe so. Oh, and let's not forget that I haven't touched Devil in the Cradle's next chapter, or finished the corssover, or started the next chapter of Anagram. God, there are days I wonder if You meant for me to be a shiftless bum. And then there are days I just hate myself for being a whiner who can't even give herself a proper kick in the pants to work.
Whatever, nobody wants to read all that whining anyway. right, so hopefully I get work at least started, and I get to bed before 1 a.m. Because I definitely don't need to be sleep-deprived on top of lazy on my own.
'Grah, sargh, and bebolt', This Neko is Out. Quoting Ed Greenwood's Band of Four novels there.
Which is odd, considering I am hyper organized about my room and my belongings, I just can't seem to schedule times to do work. Maybe it's my stubborn 'I won't do it unless I want to or it's the last minute before it's due' attitude. Ha. Poor work ethic, and yet I am seen as responsible, mature, and self-supported, by my friends and family. Ironic, much? Take this weekend, for example. While I did manage to input the data for my chem report and only have 1 or 2 calculations left, I haven't done the lecture problems due tomorrow...lab report is due Thursday, this method of prioritizing made no sense. Again failing at prioritizing and finishing important work, I still have yet to begun my speech for CM101, though it is due WEdnesday and needs research and an outline. Neither have I studied for the Spanish test, or started the journal in there, or done reading for CM101, or gone to check out my biology fly lab, which honestly I told myself three times in my planner to have it done by this past Friday. Problems, much? Yes, I believe so. Oh, and let's not forget that I haven't touched Devil in the Cradle's next chapter, or finished the corssover, or started the next chapter of Anagram. God, there are days I wonder if You meant for me to be a shiftless bum. And then there are days I just hate myself for being a whiner who can't even give herself a proper kick in the pants to work.
Whatever, nobody wants to read all that whining anyway. right, so hopefully I get work at least started, and I get to bed before 1 a.m. Because I definitely don't need to be sleep-deprived on top of lazy on my own.
'Grah, sargh, and bebolt', This Neko is Out. Quoting Ed Greenwood's Band of Four novels there.