(no subject)
this is a bad idea. i know it is. everytime im in an extreme mood i regret writing. i hope i wont now. my paranoia plus my fear of losing jenn are joining forces and making me extremely depressed. i miss her a lot right now. ive had a shitty day and i want her to make everything ok, but she isnt around to do that. shes off with rita and whoever else. i only know this because i called rita and i heard jenn in the backround. my paranoia kicked in after i asked if jenn was there and rita told me no. why, im not too sure. i have several ideas. i dont like any of them. i think maybe jenn doesnt want to talk to me and is aboiding me. that scares me. thats the best idea i have. the others just hurt too much to think about. so... im really sad, i want jenn and she doesnt want to talk to me. this sucks. this shows how dependent i am on her and how much she doesnt need me. this is bad. sometimes i wish i didnt need her so bad because it hurts so much not having her around. right now, im sure that she isnt really avoiding me, but i feel liek it. im like a little kid who wants his mommy. not that shes my mommy but she calms me down the samne way a mommy does to a 3 year old kid. my mind is racing with terrible scenarios of what could be. i hate having an imagination. its dangerous. i hate talking to rita on the phone so im sitting here, all depressed, feling alone. i want someone to talk to but nobody is online, i have no more friends, and im not getting along with my family well. so im just sitting here, wishing i wasnt here. i wish i was with jenn, but right now she'd probably be walking away from me, avoiding me. what the hell am i saying? god!! this is complete paranoia/multiple personality disorder. one of me wants jenn, one thinks jenn hates me, one just wants to die. it sucks, right now im suffering from 3 overly dramatic, massively depressed personalities. i need help!!! fuck this, i knew writing in this was a bad idea. im going up to my house so i can go to bed. good bye to all of you.
GREGGER
GREGGER