Sessions

Jul 15, 2009 23:33

"You've been doing field missions for a few weeks now Rachel, and doing better than we had expected." Xavier admitted with a small, approving smile. "Have you had any...trouble?"

"Trouble?" she...didn't know what he was implying. With everyone, but especially Xavier, words rarely meant only one thing. She didn't read him for clarification. Didn't want to. Had learned not to. It was rude. Surprising how quickly one could learn old world manners given incentive.

"With your adjustments? With...restraint?" Xavier prodded "Has going out on active missions caused any unrest with the Phoenix? Has she threatened to emerge?"

"No" she could say that with complete honesty. She didn't understand why everyone on the team kept separating her and the Phoenix. Why one or the other of them had to be ascendant. They were together, blended as Rachel, and she was right before their eyes all the time. His stare was unnerving though. He didn't believe her, never did. She had to give him something. "...well. It's strange being a pup again."

"A pup?" Xavier arched an eyebrow at her and sighed "Rachel...you're not in a 'pack' anymore. Yes, you are a junior member, and your team leaders are leaders for a reason..."

Rachel shrugged, beginning to pace restlessly around the office. Her past made him uncomfortable, and that felt like itchy bandages on her skin. Tight, itchy bandages. Constrictive. She needed to move when he felt like that, even though it never set him at ease. "I don't know the reasons, Xavier. They don't move right, they don't track right. They don't give sensible orders and they can't take me in a fight, so following them makes me feel strange."

Xavier paused for a moment, thinking over how to say things properly. "Rachel, you have to understand...they can't align to your expectations. They aren't killers, they can't think like you do."

"Logan is." she countered, flashing a feral grin of her own. "You take in killers all the time...how did they learn to pretend? Did you always tell them they were wrong too?" she was honestly curious. She knew she could adjust, had to adjust, but he had asked about discomfort!

"They aren't pretending. We've gone through sessions much as we're doing here. Even Logan."

"Yes, they are." Rachel wasn't grinning now. No, she was baring her teeth. "Especially Logan. He's a predator, Xavier. He just lies better than I do. And Storm will do anything she has to...Kitty isn't a killer yet though. That's a good thing right?" she offered the last almost hopefully.

"I'm beginning to understand why the team is having trouble working with you." he sounded so reasonable when he said it. "You can't judge them by the people you knew."

His words shouldn't have hurt so much. Shouldn't have made her flinch. After all, she could feel it in the team herself. "I'm not. I miss my family, Xavier...but you, these people, they're not them. I can't forget that."

"I'd very much like you to think of these grounds as your home now Rachel, and the X-men as your family. I think it will help you adjust." it was sound, logical advice.

"I'm working on adjusting, Xavier." she was growling now, hating the feeling of...inferiority. "I'm learning as fast as I can. I'm sorry."

"Yes, it's not your fault. You just need to try a little harder, be a little more optimistic alright? I'm sure that with a little more application you'll start to settle in. Now, are you ready to move on to the next subject?" he steepled his hands and leaned forward enough to lock eyes with the pacing woman.

Rachel froze, a shiver of flame passing over her hair as she met Xavier's gaze. It was a challenge and yet...here...now...it wasn't suppose to be. Xavier wasn't a pack leader, and now...neither was she. She hadn't been for years, but he felt like he should be. And he knew the staring bothered her. It was a test. It had to be a test...to see how human she'd become. She had to drop her gaze before she went at him today. With a deep, shivery breath to swallow down the tension, she dropped her shield and let him in. She never knew what he was poking and prying for.

The first time in her mind he'd been looking for lies. For constructed memories...and he'd nearly drowned in fire. He tread more carefully now.

Today he was slowly sifting through some of her earlier memories. When she'd first gone into the cages, how she'd survived when most of her age group hadn't. When she'd met first handler. How she'd reacted to her first hunt, far back in the pack...

Today he walked through a little piece of hell.

And she managed not to kill him, though her first clenched and her ragged nails drew blood from her palms.

She was learning to trust.

When he was done he leaned back in his chair, the emotions rolling off of him so mixed and confused she couldn't separate them from her own anxiety. "You seem to still be holding the Phoenix in check, you're doing well."

"Thank you" she breathed, muscles still quivering and thrumming with control.

"Dismissed" it must have been her memories effecting her hearing, but he sounded like...a commander. She didn't remember which one.

She didn't question the order. No, she fled.
Previous post Next post
Up