Before I get this entry off to a kick I'd like to take a moment of silence to respect the death of blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughn. He died 3652 days ago and I think it's appropriate that the world remembers the great contributions he brought to the world of blues. Even though black musicians may have created the blues, ya gotta admit, white people sure helped. And not just Stevie if ya know what I mean. And you should if you have anything over a 4th grade reading level. Perhaps Livejournal is the wrong medium for these high-brow zingers.
Anyways the past few nights I've been celebrating my birthday so I drove to the city. While on the highway I passed a Toyota hybrid car and on the bumper there's a sticker that says, "What Would Jesus Drive?"
Well that got me thinking. Jesus, an uneducated, non-English speaking Arab, what would he drive? Probably a fucking taxi cab. But seriously, I really hope that Save The Whales! Toyota driver gets impaled by whale wenis.
And speaking of the Arabs, I saw in the paper that some human rights group was complaining about the cells in Guantanamo Bay being "inhumane", citing that the cells are 8X8 and in porous condition.
But yet you pass through the streets in New York City and the apartments are 8X8 and going for $2400 a month. Sounds to me like the Arabs simply beat the system and these liberal pussies are throwing a hissy fit.
Now usually around birthday time as a little kid I'd be up to my neck in cards and money from various relatives I hadn't even known I had. The cards are usually really cheesy and have a little inscription inside that says something like, "Don't die yet...Aunt Gretchen" My personal favorite of the birthday lot is the one really rich set of relatives who give you a shitty card, $10, and a replica vintage miniature Campbell's Tomato Soup Truck.
So I would have to write a thank you note and I'd write a sweet little anecdote along the lines of, "Thanks so much for the card and gifts Uncle Jack but next time if you really want just ask, I can buy the stamp for you, I know they're getting pretty pricey. Well take care!"
After a few years of not getting anything from Uncle Jack I came to learn a very important lesson; 10 bucks is still better than zero bucks.
AND THAT DOES IT FOR THE BIRTHDAY STUFF.
Movie Review: Alien vs. Predator
So let me introduce you to the premise of the movie. There's aliens and there's predators. A long time ago the Predators came to Earth similar how we go to rest stops on the highway. Well they realized that this place kicked major ass and then they made us worship them and they taught us a ton of shit. So their arch-rivals are these sea serpents called the Aliens. And it's some big territorial battle like when your dog has to pee on the spot the neighbors dog peed on. Except these creatures have weapons, whereas you probably just have an unneutered dog, dangerous nonetheless.
Alien Vs. Predator.
Alien: A combination of
Seaman and an abortion.
Predator, a combination of Ricky Williams and a Crab.
So they're fighting forever and the Predators decide to blow up the whole planet except for the home base, in a remote part of Antarctica. Here's where red flags come up. Even fucking penguins know Antarctica blows, they try to leave but they're birds that can't fly so they're basically waddling flavor ice sticks.
Fast Forward.
Black lady climbs icy mountain. I'm sorry, let me correct myself. HOT BLACK LADY CLIMBING ICY MOUNTAIN.
What did I tell you about the realism?
Anyways some science jewsche (douche) gets reading that theres something in Antartica. Black bitch goes. They all get there and they get stuck in the middle of the war. Then the black chick is the only one of the group to survive because she became fuck buddies with the RickyCrab. I swear her and the crab thing fucked. And then they blew up all the aliens except for the one which hatched on the Predator ship...That's it.
5/5 stars for Vivica A. Fox fucking a crab/Ricky Williams hybrid.
Anyways if Arnold were in this movie like the original it would kick much more ass. Here's why:
California has a huge deficit problem, it's so bad Arnold needs to do something so kickass that nobody would even remember what Gary Condit did (Don't correct me, I know exactly what I'm talking about, assholes).
So he would naturally do what the TV stations are doing. Why? Because they make money. He knows that the aliens just got defeated by the Predators which means they have no jobs, pay no taxes, start crime waves and are overall unproductive, lazy bums.
Arnold then reasons that hey, the Mexicans have no jobs, pay no taxes, start crime waves and are overall unproductive, lazy bums.
Arnold then has the two species square off in a series of challenges to see which one will win a greencard, citizenship and a weekend pass to Magic Mountain.
It's televised, people watch it, the ratings go up, California is once again, the Golden State.
And all who bitch are promptly told, "Shutup, you are a girly man!"
Well that's all I've got, thanks for reading.
And also, wish me a happy birthday.