Cast Away

Mar 17, 2004 15:31

So I've been pretty sick as of late and I decided to watch some movies to pass the time. I always remembered people having very heated discussions about the Tom Hanks epic, Castaway. Since I hadn't yet seen the movie, I figured now is as good a time as ever to watch it, right? Right. As you probably have gathered by now, it's a pretty mediocre movie. What are the chances he'd be the only survivor of a plane crash on a giant fucking cargo plane? And what are the chances he'd land on an island not yet discovered by humanity? I mean shit guys, it's not 1492 when Columbus sailed the ocean blue and enslaved Indians. As far as the tanker ship saving him goes, that's just ridiculous. If I'm the Captain and I see a naked dude, eating coconuts with ice skates and playing with fire on an island there's no fucking way I'm stopping to help that looney. But the movie got me thinking, had I been stuck alone on an island for years, what would I do?

Through his entire stay on the island there were a number of things Chuck, the main character, never did. I know if I were stranded on an island for an undetermined amount of time, not knowing if I would ever be saved or even see another human again in my lifetime, I would be wacking off like every 10 minutes. I'd wack off so much my discharged fluid would eventually flood the island, sealing my fate before I ever found that giant oil tanker. And another thing, I sure as fucking hell wouldn't befriend a volleyball.

Much like the movie, this entry should be cast away--far, far away. Man, I should really stick to the Barbie Conspiracy theories.
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