Well, that went better than expected

[fushigi_na_chou]

~.: Guille and I took our lunch together, and at the urging of my anxiety, I sort of hastened our talk to take place on our lunch break, rather than tonight. It went surprisingly better than expected. I was able to keep my resolve, and presented him with my ultimatums, of which there are three: he has to let me set the pace of the relationship from

Comments

[kendobunny]

I know I've long been a lot of a know-it-all, and I know it's the thing about me that bothers you the most... but this guy sounds like a Grade-A creep, and a fantastic manipulator. He gets inappropriately sexual with other girls when he's been drinking, but it takes him getting violent for you to tell him to stop? Of course he's sorry, now that you're telling him you won't be his girlfriend if he doesn't stop drinking, but I watched the same thing with Bess and Jared. He cheated on her while drunk - she told him to stop drinking, and he very contritely promised to. He physically assaulted her while drunk - she told him to stop drinking, and he very contritely promised to. He kidnapped her while drunk and locked her in his room... you see a pattern here?

If he is willing to get so blind, stinking drunk that he can't remember what he is doing on a regular basis, he is an alcoholic. It may be out of his control right now, but for your own safety and the safety of those around you, you need to support him from a distance while he is de-toxing. Yes, drink makes people do stupid things, but if they routinely do stupid or dangerous things while drunk and continue to drink, there is a problem. A problem that you are not qualified to fix, not least because you are too close to the situation to look at it objectively.

Remember how everyone (including you) was telling me Steven was a creep, and I refused to listen? And whammo! He was a creep! I appreciate trying to be non-judgmental and not casting the first stone, but if everyone around you is saying 'The guy's a creep, a jerk, a manipulator, a predator, he makes you miserable', then odds are, they're telling the truth. You've put this guy on such a ridiculous pedestal, that even though every word I've heard about him has made him seem like prime fodder for the state pen, you continue to say he's really a sweetheart and a good guy underneath it all. Hard truth, but good guys act like good guys 99% of the time, and the 1% never ends with anyone getting hurt.

Just based on what you have written and how others have responded: Guille is not a good guy. Stop making excuses for him - I know personally how much you want it to work, and don't want to have been hoodwinked by the sweetheart act. Life is too short to spend it with a manipulative, binge-drinking jerkass who thinks he's a rock star, and who makes you do nothing but loathe yourself and fight with people who really do want what's best for you. Even if the sex makes you see God, it's not worth it. It hurts to admit that you've been taken in, but it happens to almost everyone at some point. Please, just take what you've learned and move on, before he hurts you more than he already has.

[ohkaye]

+1 to this ENTIRE comment and your later one. Bravo and standing ovation.