Foiled again~
~.: I keep forgetting to let God handle my life instead of doing it myself. After all, He sees the much bigger picture (He did paint it), and I'm just living in one little corner of the canvas. But still. It stings to have the plans I've come up with shot down. Everything I've thought and everything I've wanted just isn't supposed to be right now. God obviously has other plans for me. And for him too. Who am I to say that God wants one thing or another for me or for another person? I just have to live one day at a time, trusting in God's word and knowing that He'll lead me to the ultimate destination.
~.: Right now, it really is best to just focus on me, here and now. To focus on studying abroad, to focus on graduating, to focus on saving money. Not to focus on a potential relationship thousands of miles away.
~.: I feel like crying just a little bit because he and I both decided we should just be friends for now. It was hard up until this point because I didn't know what "we" were. The topic of boyfriends would come up and I wouldn't know what to say as regards myself. The correct answer is that I'm single. It always has been. But in my mind I wanted to be taken. In my mind I wanted it to be okay to say that I wasn't looking, or that I had a reason to turn someone down if they asked me out. But that isn't the case and it never was. Realistically, these things don't work out. It's all fine in my head and in fairy tales, but in real life it doesn't always work out so simplistically. You can't just have two people who share feelings willing to work together toward something in the future. Um .... that's what I'm trying to convince myself of and I almost believe it. Right now we're just friends, and we do still want to meet each other, but right now we are apart, we are single, and we are individual people who need to focus on their individual needs and goals.
~.: I really want to be okay with this. Maybe in the morning ....
~.: Right now, it really is best to just focus on me, here and now. To focus on studying abroad, to focus on graduating, to focus on saving money. Not to focus on a potential relationship thousands of miles away.
~.: I feel like crying just a little bit because he and I both decided we should just be friends for now. It was hard up until this point because I didn't know what "we" were. The topic of boyfriends would come up and I wouldn't know what to say as regards myself. The correct answer is that I'm single. It always has been. But in my mind I wanted to be taken. In my mind I wanted it to be okay to say that I wasn't looking, or that I had a reason to turn someone down if they asked me out. But that isn't the case and it never was. Realistically, these things don't work out. It's all fine in my head and in fairy tales, but in real life it doesn't always work out so simplistically. You can't just have two people who share feelings willing to work together toward something in the future. Um .... that's what I'm trying to convince myself of and I almost believe it. Right now we're just friends, and we do still want to meet each other, but right now we are apart, we are single, and we are individual people who need to focus on their individual needs and goals.
~.: I really want to be okay with this. Maybe in the morning ....