black heart breaking, broken bonds
I've been thinking and reading again, and I just feel sick.
Fuck the world, honestly. I just can't stand to stare at all these atrocities going on every where I look, standing stupidly, mouth gaped open, as everything is just so... fucked. I want to scream "I just don't fucking care anymore" but the truth is the complete opposite: I care too much and it feels like nearly every other person in the world just doesn't care. I am a nurse and I am a vegan because I care, and I want to make a difference, but it feels like all is naught. I don't want to preach, I don't want to get into anybody's face, I've never been one for confrontations, but fucking god damn it... I can't stand to hear my brother make another ill-thought out and underhanded comment putting me down because of my choices, I can't stand to see that bed number come up one more time and know that if I don't get to it then nobody else will, even though they're not my patient.
I've never felt so fucking empty, and I never want to feel it again. The things I do make me sick to my soul, I wish I could close my eyes and let everything go...
Fuck the world, honestly. I just can't stand to stare at all these atrocities going on every where I look, standing stupidly, mouth gaped open, as everything is just so... fucked. I want to scream "I just don't fucking care anymore" but the truth is the complete opposite: I care too much and it feels like nearly every other person in the world just doesn't care. I am a nurse and I am a vegan because I care, and I want to make a difference, but it feels like all is naught. I don't want to preach, I don't want to get into anybody's face, I've never been one for confrontations, but fucking god damn it... I can't stand to hear my brother make another ill-thought out and underhanded comment putting me down because of my choices, I can't stand to see that bed number come up one more time and know that if I don't get to it then nobody else will, even though they're not my patient.
I've never felt so fucking empty, and I never want to feel it again. The things I do make me sick to my soul, I wish I could close my eyes and let everything go...