(no subject)

[further_from_u]

you're right

who am i
and who is this horrible image in my head
why do i think the way i do
and i dont like it
so why cant i change it
i need to find happiness within
i dont need someone else to make me happy
yet i want someone else to be with me
i cant handle a relationship by all means
or i have just brain washed my self to believe that
because i crave that
all the time
things used to be perfect
i had her
i had my life and my goals
then one day it was all gone
that "happiness" wasnt there
noting was the same
i was miserable
still am
come to think of it
i wanna grow up
im sick of being 17
considered a lower class citizen
i want to make my future happen
i want to know what i will do the rest of my life
and whos gonna be with me
am i gonna live the picture perfect life
will i live up to my words

i called her tonight
crying
big mistake
NEVER call your ex crying
he boy friend answered
made things worse
he asked me what was wrong
like he cared
im still in love with her
is that what you want to hear
i havent been the same
since that night she left
i want to pretend i am
but i just cant any more
she was my life
i depended on her for my happiness
thats not right
so
i need to make my self happy
how
how do you make your self happy
thats my goal
for now

i need to lay low
i need to quit the parties
forget the smoking
i need to grow up
get on with my life
whats holding me back
wanting to have friends that have nothing going for them in life
(not you tosha or laura)
i need friends that want out
that want the best for them
that want what i do in life
love me
hold me
care for me
console me

tough