Aug 30, 2005 00:43
Mreh: that's the feeling of the moment. i was happy with the way things were going with ben for quite a while. it felt like it could potentially be an excellent relationship in the future. except he said that if he wasn't going to school than he would have already asked me to be in a relationship with him. wtf? as in he wants to wait and see what happens when he leaves; to make sure i don't turn into a crazy psycho bitch, to make sure that we stay in touch, to check out the new fresh faces? while all of them seem quite reasonable and are valid reasons i don't know if i can wait. i've become so impatient, or maybe not even impatient just irritated with the situation. things started going really fast and i expected something to come out of them... but then no not yet. ugh frustration.
Except that's not really whats on my mind. i just got back from my second date with will. hmmm two more opposite type people could never have been created. we are opposites in almost everything. from types of food to music to basic personalities. he's quiet and calm apparently i'm not. he doesn't drink or smoke i do both almost regularly. he likes italian, i don't really. i'm not going to go listing off all the things that make us different but for some reason we click. it's fun to hang out with him. conversation gets a little tense sometimes, but we're both kinda nervous around each other. me because he has the most amazing body and i couldn't compare. him because i'm more experienced. i never thought that would come and bight me in the ass. i love being close with people, and i would think that everyone would like that. except clearly not everyone. i don't know how to act around him. it's interesting taking things slow, maybe i'll want them more and it will be more rewarding when i get them. who knows. except i think when taking things slow i'll more likely be able to develop stronger feelings because i'll know the relationship is built on something more. ugh i would kill to be in a relationship again that was filled with emotion and passion (a chris type relationship minus the chris)yet, this whole thing has the potential of completely falling through, since we are very different people. ahhh this sucks i hate these tight situations. anyway we'll see how things go i'll try and be reserved and unexperienced, it will be nice letting him make all the moves.
mmmm....there is still a couple days of summer left and i intend to make the most out of all of them, regardless of who it's with.