(no subject)
I'm so sick of all this. Things just build and build and build, and I feel like I'm about to crack under the pressure. I feel like most of the time I do a good job of covering up my stress and anxiety, but eventually it's all going to come out at once, you know? I'm just so tired of constantly having things to fix in my life...I think I get one thing fixed, then it comes back 100 times worse, and I have to deal with it again...then I think I have everything under control, and all of a sudden a ton of stuff comes at me at once. I'm tired of having to worry about paying for things that I don't even know are going to be worth it. I hate that I'm expected to know what I want to do for the rest of my life, and I have to be so confident in that decision because there are a million things to do to prepare myself for it. How am I supposed to be passionate about something if I don't even know if it's what I want to do? I feel so lost and confused and disillusioned. I sit and watch everyday as the world passes me by, and I wonder what I'm supposed to be doing. Because for me, when I'm unsure of myself, I'd rather sit and let it pass me by rather than get up and do something about it, and risk failing or getting hurt. But obviously things don't get done that way. I just don't know. And on top of all this, I feel like I'm steadily losing my support network, so I'm standing here alone trying to balance everything and maintain my composure at the same time. There is only so much I can hold at once, and it feels like it's all about to fall around me. Oh to be a teenager again, when my only worries were whether a boy liked me, or whether I'd make All-State or whatever. Why did I think those were real problems then? I really just want to climb under the covers and sleep it all away...but there's too much to get done.